[TrailRunner14]

It seems like I may have posted this before, but it's very much on my mind.

Does anyone else feel "not grown up" at the age that you are? I don't believe that I have ever felt like a grownup and I'm 52.

I can't really put a time or age number on what I feel, but I just don't feel like a "grown up" and can't explain that either. It's not like I feel like a "child" part of myself or that I'm having problem functioning as an adult. Mostly. I just don't feel like one.

My counselor is younger than me, I believe by 2 years, but when I meet with him there is a safety there like a parent. ? It's not authoritative in feeling. It a feeling that I'm younger and he is an adult. He is safe.

I also feel like that dealing with most other adults. The younger feeling, not the safety. That puts me in a weird place as far as normal trust for a friendship or average occasional social interaction.

I'm having a hard time describing this. I hope it makes sense.

Anybody else?

[mindwrench]

It makes sense. I have always felt this way. I feel some sense of intimidation around other adults that I don't know. Like they have the same stature to me as they would if I was like 8 years old or so. I'm always expecting to be treated differently especially if someone addresses me as sir, or mister. It seems out of place when people talk to me like an equal. I tend to play the son part with adult males that I have worked with, especially if they were good to me. I can imitate the role of equal adult male, but I've never really felt it.

[TrailRunner14]

A lot there. Thank you!

[ThisWayOut]

I think I can relate to what you are saying. Much of the time, I feel like a kid. I often defer to "adults" who seem to have it more together and be more mature.
I think to a degree this is normal for a lot of people. I think it can be more of a dissociative-type thing for some. With me, when I feel 5 or 7, it's more of a dissociative thing as opposed to the general "hold on, lemme get an adult...oh wait..." kinda thing.

[Luce]

Many of of us (even adult alters) feel - at the very least - 'not-adult'.
We are very child-like in many ways, especially socially and emotionally. our intellectual ones can hold their own very well in adult circles, but the moment emotion is involved it all comes crashing down like a house of cards.

[elevatedsoul]

Yes, very much... I'm 26...
Do yo ever feel small ?
Like closer to the ground..?
Strange...

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by mindwrench

. I can imitate the role of equal adult male, but I've never really felt it.

This resonates with me! I've never realized it before, but that is exactly what I do. I "imitate" the role I'm supposed to be on the outside, and I don't feel it on the inside. It borders on feeling derealization.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

Yes, very much... I'm 26...
Do yo ever feel small ?
Like closer to the ground..?
Strange...

There have been times/moments that a feeling will wash over me, or my perspective of myself changes. I feel physically taller, bigger, or I will feel smaller, physically. I can't really connect it to anything and it will come, really, out of nowhere.

Kind of strange, I agree.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Luce

Many of of us (even adult alters) feel - at the very least - 'not-adult'.
We are very child-like in many ways, especially socially and emotionally. our intellectual ones can hold their own very well in adult circles, but the moment emotion is involved it all comes crashing down like a house of cards.

The part of me that I have identified are all "younger", except for the part of me that runs. I'm trying to think if I have any intellectual parts of me. It seems that they are all child like, thinking about it right now. That may just be where I am right now.

Before I started this, I seemed to handle social situations better. It could be that I just stepped back and didn't realize what was going on.

hum.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I think I can relate to what you are saying. Much of the time, I feel like a kid. I often defer to "adults" who seem to have it more together and be more mature.
I think to a degree this is normal for a lot of people. I think it can be more of a dissociative-type thing for some. With me, when I feel 5 or 7, it's more of a dissociative thing as opposed to the general "hold on, lemme get an adult...oh wait..." kinda thing.

I wish I could connect an age to how I feel. That may help me make sense of what I am feeling and sort this out.

Deferring to " 'adults' who seem to have it more together and be more mature" feels like me looking for someone to trust and feel safe with. Sadly, that seems to have been a life long venture.

[Fuzzybear]

i am the same way.
i am in my 40s but i feel maybe 17 at the oldest.
we have a LOt of young alters, i think that has something to do with it.
my little sister who is only 40 often protects me

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

i am the same way.

i am in my 40s but i feel maybe 17 at the oldest.

we have a LOt of young alters, i think that has something to do with it.

my little sister who is only 40 often protects me

The oldest part of me that I can communicate or hear/feel, right now, is 12 yo. My son, who is almost 18, gets so upset with me because I won't stand up for myself or speak my mind. I seriously don't "feel" like I have the authority or am old enough to do it. I feel so little and confused when I get in those situations. Very frustrating!! He tries to protect me.

[elevatedsoul]

I seriously don't "feel" like I have the authority or am old enough to do it. I feel so little and confused when I get in those situations. Very frustrating!!

me too

[Fuzzybear]

I "get" the above quote too

[Luce]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

Yes, very much... I'm 26...
Do yo ever feel small ?
Like closer to the ground..?
Strange...

A few months ago we had an alter 'get older'. She used to be a tweenager but (somehow? I don't know how or why?) she became '17'. She felt taller... when she was out for the first time as a 17 year old (I really don't get that, but that's what she said, so 'oh well') she felt all strange in her body and the ground felt further away. She felt taller, to both herself and to us.

Weird, I know. I just go with the flow and try not to question it too much!

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Luce

A few months ago we had an alter 'get older'. She used to be a tweenager but (somehow? I don't know how or why?) she became '17'. She felt taller... when she was out for the first time as a 17 year old (I really don't get that, but that's what she said, so 'oh well') she felt all strange in her body and the ground felt further away. She felt taller, to both herself and to us.


Weird, I know. I just go with the flow and try not to question it too much!

I totally get that! For me sometimes it's at pints that I'm trying to work through something. Opening myself up to feel/know what is there and it will wash/overlap me with a perspective or feeling that is kind of ethereal. ? Tried to think of a better word but one did not come.

It's not solid or understandable. It's just a knowing. That probably sounds weird. So do so many other things right now.

[yagr]

Your original post, as well as so many of the contributions to this thread since then, have blown me away. I didn't have the opportunity to respond until now which has been rather fortunate for me because it gave me more time to contemplate what I've read.

My body is fifty-one years old. You may recall me mentioning in other posts that there are two of us and we share consciousness quite often. I have a six year old part with forty-five years experience at being six, which makes her a pretty accomplished six year old. There is also the fellow writing this post who is fifty-one years old who has forty-five years experience possessing, in addition to my own world view, a six year old world view - which makes me a pretty accomplished adult.

I firmly believe that the world would be a much better place if every serious minded adult realized that twenty minutes on a swing set could change their perspective. If every scared and stressed grown up took ten minutes a day to hug a plushie, cuddle with a kitten or go feed the ducks at the lake on the way home from work - they'd be a lot less anger in the world. But they don't - cause they forgot the healing power of play and imagination. I don't get to forget - and that keeps me young.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by yagr

My body is fifty-one years old. You may recall me mentioning in other posts that there are two of us and we share consciousness quite often. I have a six year old part with forty-five years experience at being six, which makes her a pretty accomplished six year old. There is also the fellow writing this post who is fifty-one years old who has forty-five years experience possessing, in addition to my own world view, a six year old world view - which makes me a pretty accomplished adult.

I firmly believe that the world would be a much better place if every serious minded adult realized that twenty minutes on a swing set could change their perspective. If every scared and stressed grown up took ten minutes a day to hug a plushie, cuddle with a kitten or go feed the ducks at the lake on the way home from work - they'd be a lot less anger in the world. But they don't - cause they forgot the healing power of play and imagination. I don't get to forget - and that keeps me young.

A DID friend and I were talking about the multiple perspective world view just the other day. My friend was in the thick of DID trauma therapy from age 20-30 and was not very functional at all during that time. Like the earlier posts in this thread she was mostly operating from the 'little' perspective, and her capacity to deal with even minor life stresses was limited.
However now, nearly two decades later, she excels in her role of manager of a large group of employess. (Trust me, you would *never* believe that she could manage anyone at all if you had known her in her 20s). The CEO has the utmost respect for her and says he has never before met anyone with her capacity to respectfully and efficiently lead and deal with such a diverse team of employees before.
I have a similar respect in my own job, although not to the same degree, and my friend and I were discussing why this is. The answer is obvious really - it comes from multiplicity. It comes from years of dealing with a diverse range of alters with differing opinions / needs / wants / ages / ideas / beliefs / dreams / goals / agendas / likes / dislikes / and more. It comes from understanding the fears of the four year old, the angst of the teen, and the multifaceted conflicts of adult interpersonal relationships. It comes from years of first hand experience of finding ways to satisfy the needs and wants of a diverse group of individuals in a way that serves the functioning of the whole.
And she is utterly amazing at it.
I find in general that most people are not very good at seeing multiple perspectives. Most people seem to be fairly limited in their outlook and many struggle to understand or validate the perspectives of others at all. I do think multiples are much better at this than others.

[TrailRunner14]

Yagr and Luce - your words and perspective are truthful and filled with beauty. It is a bit overwhelming to try and gather this up and put some reason to it, meaning some normalicy.

I've realized, at this point, that I have never known that. Normality. I learned to be "ok" and I'm thankful for the system that helped me do that.

Yagr. Thank you for what you shared on another thread about a six year old and watching Disney. That gave me courage to speak up. Have a voice.

Luce I so wish I had a friend I could talk openly with about what I'm experiencing. You are blessed to have that! It is such a lonely place to come to an understanding of "what you know" and not have anyone to talk to about it, as a friend who understands and validated you.

Thank you both for what you have posted. It is such encouragement and it feels like the understanding of a distant friend.

[Luce]

Trail... what about having a dissociative disorders group chat sometime? they used to hold them here, but I don't know what happened... But it is a possibility. We could just set a date and time and see who was available to log on to the chat rooms.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by yagr

I have a six year old part with forty-five years experience at being six, which makes her a pretty accomplished six year old. There is also the fellow writing this post who is fifty-one years old who has forty-five years experience possessing, in addition to my own world view, a six year old world view - which makes me a pretty accomplished adult.

I firmly believe that the world would be a much better place if every serious minded adult realized that twenty minutes on a swing set could change their perspective. If every scared and stressed grown up took ten minutes a day to hug a plushie, cuddle with a kitten or go feed the ducks at the lake on the way home from work - they'd be a lot less anger in the world. But they don't - cause they forgot the healing power of play and imagination. I don't get to forget - and that keeps me young.

You are very wise, yagr.
We have some very 'accomplished' child alters in here too. Whaddya mean 10 year olds can't drive?

[yagr]

Originally Posted by Luce

Trail... what about having a dissociative disorders group chat sometime? they used to hold them here, but I don't know what happened... But it is a possibility. We could just set a date and time and see who was available to log on to the chat rooms.

My schedule is limited but if it were on the weekends, I would make whatever accommodations necessary to attend. Just wanted to let you know that there is interest.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Yagr and Luce - your words and perspective are truthful and filled with beauty. It is a bit overwhelming to try and gather this up and put some reason to it, meaning some normalicy.

I've realized, at this point, that I have never known that. Normality. I learned to be "ok" and I'm thankful for the system that helped me do that.

Yagr. Thank you for what you shared on another thread about a six year old and watching Disney. That gave me courage to speak up. Have a voice.

Luce I so wish I had a friend I could talk openly with about what I'm experiencing. You are blessed to have that! It is such a lonely place to come to an understanding of "what you know" and not have anyone to talk to about it, as a friend who understands and validated you.

Thank you both for what you have posted. It is such encouragement and it feels like the understanding of a distant friend.

TR, I do honestly believe it is a very positive thing to have friends who can relate on this journey. There are so very many ways we were able to support each other, be there for each other, and validate each others experiences. When I was skyping with my friend the other day we became triggered (as happens sometimes, when we are discussing trauma and dissociation) and my friend noticed and asked "You seem a little stuck... do you want me to help you out?" the one who was triggered out managed a nod and our friend helped us ground enough to switch back and continue with the conversation.
It reminds me of yagr talking about being authentic, being true to yourself. In my friendships with other multiples (sorry - old term, but its what we used back then and it still feels right for us now) we can be our authentic selves with each other. We don't have to hide or pretend to be 'normal'. We can be who we are, and that is okay. My friend made contact with us just a few weeks ago now after 16 long years, and it is so lovely to see her again (skype). We had forgotten what it is like to have someone in our life who truly knows, loves and understands US.

My friends and I met through our shared T. I recall she used to post messages on a notice board - perhaps you could ask your T if she knows of any other multiples who are looking for connection?

[Luce]

Originally Posted by yagr

My schedule is limited but if it were on the weekends, I would make whatever accommodations necessary to attend. Just wanted to let you know that there is interest.

I was thinking that we would too. During the week is hard for us also, but we can be up at any time of day or night during the weekend for this.
I am trying to think of the best way to make a poll of times of interest, taking into account multiple time zones...