[yagr]

During my last session with my T on Friday, I mentioned something to her in the context of a larger discussion. The more I think of it, the more interesting it gets to me. That fact is what is prompting this thread....well that and the fact that I haven't had internet for several weeks and I missed being able to post.

We have a two person system although we are exploring the possibility of more as I can stomach the thought. Our system consists of a 51 year old man and a six year old girl. I am the protector and would seem to have been built for the purpose. She, on the other hand, is about as innocent as they come. And yet, there have been very rare times that she has experienced rage. While rage is not mutually exclusive to a lack of innocence, the extent of the rage seems so great as to only be able to be fueled by some deeply seeded anger in conjunction with whatever is fueling the outburst.

Back to me being the protector for a moment... I am six foot, and not overweight at two hundred fifty pounds. I was spec ops in the military, hold two black belts and all in all, a pretty formidable force. Not a lot scares me in the way of physical danger, but when she lets loose - and it's usually associated with an animalistic noise coming out of the body, I (and anyone within earshot) become almost paralyzed with terror.

Asking for help is difficult for me, and I believe that I can handle just about anything - or at the very least, consider myself the best person to handle just about any predicament. Except on those very rare occasions when she takes the lead in a situation that could be considered life or death. Then, there is no doubt in my mind that she is better equipped than I ever could be.

Okay, that wasn't near as clear as I hoped it would be so let me give a specific example that I was trying to avoid. My T and I are exploring some of my military past. There was an occasion in which we were dead to rights. No way out - I was going to die. The last thing I remember was her cry and the look on the faces of everyone around me of sheer terror. The next thing I remembered was I was alive and the danger had been neutralized.

We weren't co-conscious at the time (not ever) but I know now that it was her. Asking her about it since we've begun sharing consciousness has yielded no results. Anyone have any experiences that could ...I don't know, shed light on this phenomena? Similar experiences? Anything?

Idk what to say....I'm polluted with others (Hey!) of all ages and sizes. I too am 5'11", no military even though we tried...but head messed up. Love to fight....but when I get started, a fem or little comes out and kills the edge and we freeze with a scared look which has gotten us ridiculed and made fun of for a lifetime. I don!t feel pain which means getting punched is nothing but just pisses me off, but the Others do.

What can you do?

I have evil Others hell bent on destruction which we try to not let get triggered out. They are scary and will get us imprisoned.

Just because she's a little....she's a 6 foot tall little that can throw one hell of a temper tantrum. I'm sure everyone was looking at you like you went plum crazy. They are extreme energized emotions that know no bounds that can't be controlled once triggered. My Angry One comes out (triggered by injustice to us and others)...all we can do is watch in horror because they are intense.

Of course we have to say our apologies and do damage control afterwards.

To me...I think that there is a bunch of fear behind the alters that they erupt to protect us in their own fashion being there is no one else able to step up to do it.

[kecanoe]

This may not apply to you, but when I was first sorting out my system there were parts that covered other parts. Which made it impossible to see the hidden parts. Of course it was for the hidden ones safety. It took time and patience and safety to allow my system to relax and trust enough to show all parts. In fact there could still be some parts that I don't know. I've learned to never say that I know everybody. I've been fooled about that a couple of times. I've learned to just be curious.

I totally have a part that shows up when I am in danger (real or perceived). Other people tell me she is intimidating and scary. She comes and goes pretty quickly because the rest prefer to not do things her way. As I have become more co-conscious, I can tap into her boundary keeping before she has to erupt and back people down.

[finding_my_way]

i don't have experience like that per se, but i did have one in the last year or so become more active after a random trigger which led to the whole system which had been quiet for years to become active again.

after several months, i began to learn things about him. he was associated with rage and was the only one who seemed to cause a few seconds of blacking out while he came out, yet i was co-conscious with him and just was confused about what would happen. usually, he acted out towards others or self harm (biting or scratching arms, etc.)

during a dream that involved several other alters, he was in it, and i was then able to see his face for the first time. he didn't have a name yet. then one day, a song came on the radio that he liked, and he came closer to the surface for a bit. it was the first time i had really felt him or anything other than how he was previously for years. a few days after that, he chose a name that he liked. i think putting all of that together allowed him to resolve that rage somehow. i am not sure why or how. it seems that when things come together, it helps each part in really big ways.

i hope that you are able to sort things out over time. it can be a long process and seems to be more when the others are ready no matter how much we want to know now. i keep forgetting that...that it is in their time, not necessarily ours.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Protector? What is this word means?

[yagr]

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

Protector? What is this word means?

Protector or rescuer alters – these alters can be of any age and were created to save the original person from intolerable situations. These DID alters are often tougher and braver than the original personality.

This definition above comes from here: Understanding Dissociative Identity Disorder Alters - HealthyPlace

They have a list of common alter types with their definitions. I was pleasantly surprised to discover the page - things like the 'common alter types' while I knew of them, I haven't seen anyplace that listed them with definitions. So thanks for asking!

Our Angry One is a protector...defender of injustice...maybe an over protector.