[elevatedsoul]

;/ :/

i dont think talking does any good....

[elevatedsoul]

[elevatedsoul]

i'll try... to talk

i try to do everything really hard, but i think it seems like its not enough all the time...
i just dont know what else im supposed to do..? i think im doing all i can... cant think of anything else to do...
but its not enough, what im doing...

Possible trigger:

i hate living around these things... have to be around negative stuff all the time... no one likes anyone... so much hate and hypocrisy... but theres nothing i can do to make it different....

i tried to leave, but i cant... i stayed gone for 1 day but i couldnt handle the stress there either... panic attack... break down... and now im back here trying to hide in my room...

i cant change anything like this.... i need to have the disability granted to me so that i can...
its the only way i can get away from the pain... the misery... the triggers...

i try to think about the nice things that will happen when i am approved... but i have been denied so many times i feel like they are just going to keep denying to help me...
but there is a nice program that i think i want to enter... but can only do it on disability....

i just feel hurt... i need help and they dont want to help me i feel like... i dunno why they dont want to..... im not a fraud trying to take advantage of a government program....
im desperate.... tired of living like this.... and i just want out.... only ways i can see things changing is get this disability... or just suicide... because i cant take it anymore....

no one gets it... and most time feels like no one cares... but why do other people that really are fake get so much when i cant even get so little... it makes me feel angry and ignored....
angry because its not fair.... because i try so hard... ignored because they dont want to deal with real trauma... real pain... real trouble...

it is real... and im so tired... real tired....

i need this disability... please give to me so that my life can change... continue... so i dont do something bad to make it stop... because there is no other way...

[Lost_in_the_woods]

I feel like that alot too. Like what is the point anyway? I isolate alot..more and more the older I get. I think I talk to you all more than anyone irl...including T. Been seeing Ts as long as memory serves..and then they change..have to start all over again. It gets exhausting. Gone thru many periods where I think we or at least me stopped going all together.

We get like that a lot....but work pays better and it gives us valuable coping skills....or the ability to camoflage our true selves. Adjusting to new sux...but can be rewarding if one was to tuff through.

Personally a lifetime commitment would suit us fine....(prison?....could be) but it's a sealed door.

I just do whatever whenever however till I have to do whatever different. We are a drifter for sure.