A question

I was on a list to see a therapist for over 2 years and finally last year I got
a call and I started going to see my T once a week. She's a nice lady but
she's really not helping me too much. I always end up upset or sad or very
confused. At one point she wanted my wife to come to therapy with me to
see how my wife handles my DID. She asked her questions and she also
observed her interact with me and later with someone else. Recently she
asked me how my wife was and she said she was thinking how my wife
interacts with the others and thinks she "encourages" the DID. I was real
confused with what she said. She saw i was upset and she smiled and she
said when one of the others comes out my wife should tell them to go away
that she wants me. Has anyones T ever said this to them. She just told
me she can't see me anymore only till June cuz it's free and she should of
only seen me for 6 weeks and it'll be a year in April. So she told me we
had to get me all better by June. I dunno how that's going to happen I
don't feel any better really. She also told the others to stay away she only
wanted to talk to me and now she wants to hear things from them and it's
not really happening so I'm thinking I might just calll it quits before June.
Anyways my question was has anybodys T ever told them that their others
should be ignored?

that sounds terrible... i don't have any advice.. but i wouldnt be able to talk to her personally probably...

thanks for the reply

No. My counselor welcomes and thanks every part of me. He values them for who and what they are. I can't imagine hearing him tell any part of me to go away.

He has asked them to "stand back" so that it's not so overwhelming in that moment. It's been a tough road to earn their trust and telling a part to go away would be crushing and would take work to rebuild communication.

thanks for your reply
your T sounds liek a nice person
it's been hard for my T to gain any trust really and now I think
what little she had might be gone I feel alot of confusing feelings
when i go see her i think its best to just not see her anymore

it would be so easy for me to say what this treatment provider is doing is right or wrong. but the line in the sand is that sometimes this process actually does work for some people with DID....

you see sometimes DID (or any other mental disorder for that matter is caused by someone else (here in the USA this is called Factitious disorder imposed by others).

according to you post that says "Recently she asked me how my wife was and she said she was thinking how my wife interacts with the others and thinks she "encourages" the DID."

to me it means the treatment provider thinks your wife is causing you to show the symptoms and problems as if you had DID.

the treatment in this kind of situation here in the USA is to downplay it, not give the attention to it that the person wanted (in this case it may be the wife wants you to be diagnosed with DID) which leads to a very quick recovery. by having a person say go away, stay away, that takes the attention off the wifes need for you to be mentally ill. its no fun for the wife, if a persons alters do not give the wife attention.

after that is taken care of, whether the person actually has the disorder can be addressed and if so a new treatment plan can be worked on. for example if you really do have DID then work for DID will be things like learning how to not dissociate, learning grounding (breathing exercises, stress reduction tools , possibly things like yoga and meditation and any other tools that will help you to take care of your problems with out the use of dissociation. once the alters are no longer needed to take care of you because you are taking care of you the alters will integrate/ merge back together into being one whole person again)

mind you I can only guess on why your treatment provider is doing things this way, to find out why they are doing things this way you would need to ask your treatment provider and they will explain why they are doing it this way.

My first response also was 'no'. Just no. Loudly. Definitively. Please don't go back to see this woman. She is not can not will not help you. Even if she is 'nice' and smiles at you sweetly while blatantly invalidating the essence of you.
No help at all is more helpful than her.

ya i agree thanks for the reply
i am going to stop seeing her

no. mine has never implied or said they should go away or are not important. she reiterates a lot how they are all valid, even the scary/mean ones, etc. and that i should actually stop devaluing them and try to accept them because they all are there for a reason, all are me, and all have things to add, etc. and all need to be heard/have their needs met (within reason) in order for healing to happen.

thnks for the reply yall have a good T
i think i need to find one thats specializes in DID

My ex T and another DID specialist T that was helping me locate a suitable therapist in my area told me it isn't necessary to find a therapist who specializes in DID (although it is better if you can), but find someone who is at least open to learning about it. My ex T had no experience with DID before me, but was willing to learn about it as we went along. She now specializes in DID treatment, and is one of the top DID therapists in her area. My current T doesn't have a great deal of experience with DID but she accepts it (and my others) and has the intelligence, insight and skills to be perfect for what I need her for. But in between ex and current therapist I saw around 5 or 6 therapists who were clueless about DID and unwilling to 'go there' with me. They were entirely unhelpful.
I don't know where you are, but in my area therapists trained in EMDR have to learn about structural dissociation (which encompasses DID) as part of their training, so they might be a good starting point for you.
Sadly many therapists are still not on board with the whole dissociative disorders thing, which is *terrible* as dissociative disorders are caused by trauma, and therapists are doing trauma clients an enormous disservice when dissociative issues go unaddressed.
Good luck with your search. There will definitely be a T out there who can serve your needs much more appropriately than this T, and when you find that person you will understand the difference immediately. Let us know how you go.

I am probably not the best qualified in my system to respond to this (I have never talked to a t), but still I'm tryin'.

The last t we had, at one point, suggested that the one of us she spoke to the most should... how did she say it... something about how that one should push or strive or something, to be the one of us who was out most often doing the whole life thing. In all fairness, that t likely thought that the one she saw was the one who was out most at home or in public or whatever. Not exactly ignore us, but still. That comment was enough to send several of us into a near rage. I still wonder how Char never smacked that lady upside the head with a mountain dew. Heh heh heh. That comment also did not help the rest of us with our issues with trusting mental health professionals either. We do best when not only acknowledged and heard, but extended basic things like decency, common courtesy, and respect.

-Tay

my DID dx was there before I met my wife and my T says she encourages it
because she doesnt ignore the others. I dont think ignoring them is a good thing not for my case. My wife doesnt want me to be mentally ill or needs their attention. I was mental before we met. DID is different for everyone so maybe for you ignoring your others works but i dont think it helps me. As for why my T is doing things this way I dont know. She changes her mind or
forgets what she told me frequently. I dont think she always knows what she wants to do

thanks for what you said its very helpful
will let you know when i find someone

thanks for your reply and i think what you said, "We do best when not only acknowledged and heard, but extended basic things like decency, common courtesy, and respect.", is very true and would be helpful if my T would do this but hopefully ill find the right person soon.

You are implying that 1) my wife does not have DID and 2) that I am "causing" her to present as if she does.
My wife, as she has said, was diagnosed with DID long before we met.
I don't "need" her to be mentally ill and it's not "fun" for me to get "attention" from the others.
Do I talk to them? Yes.
Do I interact with them if they happen to be out, for whatever reason? Yes.
Is that wrong to do? I don't think so, and neither does my wife. It works for us. I believe it would be wrong of me to dismiss or ignore someone who was out.
I've built up a relationship of trust and friendship with some people over the years, which I believe helps my wife and those who I interact with. If it was unhelpful or hurtful to my wife, I know someone would have told me by now. I would never want to cause her harm or do something which made her uncomfortable. The others are part of her life and so they are part of mine by association.

I do not switch in therapy. Therapists are not a trigger for me. I would have to be emotionally attached to the therapist for my switching to occur. So my therapists never even thought I had a dissociative disorder.

But, I can say that loved ones do promote the dissociative disorder. My Mom, Dad, and Brother either promoted or ignored the problem my whole life. I cannot prove that it was deliberate. They were just all emotionally ill people who had no sensitivity for my feelings or psychological welfare.

I would just be happy to meet a therapist who actually understood the mental illness.

I just wanted to let you know that I found your post very touching and your wife is lucky to have someone like you that seems so caring and understanding.

nobody in my family knows understands or accepts i have issues
they just think im very odd i will never tell them anything
i lose time but not as often as i used to and i lose time with my
T not all the time but sometimes when i get scared or upset
sometimes i dont remember going but someone did
everyones experience with it is different i guess

Thanks.
I make mistakes and get things wrong, but I try to be as understanding as I can.
Sometimes my own issues and insecurities make things more difficult, but we are pretty good at working things out
I'm lucky to be with someone who is so accepting and understanding of me too.

This sounds like an actively harmful approach to someone with d id. There's no justification for it, not even to weed out the ones AL described, because all it does is drive everyone deeper inside and make them less trustful of therapy. I think it's abusive. It's like telling someone with severe depression to stop acting so down, in the event they really don't have depression. Sorry, but I often think one of the biggest impediments to mental health is the mental health system.

thanks for your reply and ya you're right
I really should of stopped seeing her a long time ago

I hate being invalidated....especially by a 'learned" professional.

I just hired a brand new pdoc because our new insurance then allowed for it instead of the sliding scale push them through clinics I was being seen at...a stepping stone for new professionals to stretch their wings.

Well, he was a pompous *** full of himself pdoc come to find out. After 10 minutes in our first meeting....I asked him about how does he feel about DID....he just shrugged and laughed at me telling me that I don't got it....whaa? I was hurt because I saw this not going anywhere fast...like hitting a brickwall. So we fired him and went back to the clinic. So today we are stuck in this insurance nightmare of zero coverage for mental health treatment and support.

thanks for your reply and im sorry for what happened to you
it doesnt feel nice to be invalidated hope you find support soon

This sounds terrible (6 weeks, yeah right..) I notice you're in the UK... I'm sorry this "learned" professional behaved like this. I'm also in the uk and have experienced what can only be called cruelty at the hands of the "professionals"