and I'm not quite sure how to respond to her request, or what to really do.

alicia (who is my 9 year old insider), wants to have a mommy (well, I think we all do). I think we all want a mommy to protect us and give us things that our real mommy wasn't able too

but alicia is certainly vunnerable and really wants 1
1.

we can't change our real mommy.. so what do we do to make her happy?

has anyone else experienced something like this?. where an insider has asked for a mommy?

how did you respond

[childofchaos831]

For my young insiders, I am basically the mom. They actually refer to me as "mama puck" or just mama. They chose "mama" because the bio mother has always been "mommy" or "mom"... I do things like buying them gifts and comforting them when they need it. I don't know if Alicia wants a mommy in the outside world, or if something like what my system does would work...

Puck

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

and I'm not quite sure how to respond to her request, or what to really do.

alicia (who is my 9 year old insider), wants to have a mommy (well, I think we all do). I think we all want a mommy to protect us and give us things that our real mommy wasn't able too

but alicia is certainly vunnerable and really wants 1
1.

we can't change our real mommy.. so what do we do to make her happy?

has anyone else experienced something like this?. where an insider has asked for a mommy?

how did you respond

I never had alters that wanted a mommy though during the time I was in foster care while social services and my parents were prosecuting my abusers , I did want to go home to my mother while in non dissociated state. this need to go home and be with my mother was one of my triggers to where I would dissociate into an alter who's job, purpose reason for being was to make sure all my basic and self nurturing needs were met...

example missing my mom would cause me to feel disconnected, numb, spaced out, then an alter I will call for this post Selina, would take over, find my favorite items that I had with me from my parents and climb into bed cuddling the stuffed dog, my mothers shirt, and a book that my parents gave me. Then Selina would put on my mothers shirt, climb into bed, pet the dog and read the book.

my point is that everyones internal system is comprised in such a way that ensures everyone is taken care of and able to survive those traumatic times. Since you know what your alter needs Im guessing you are co conscious with this alter. This means that you can ask inside to find out who has had this sense of agency of taking care of this alters needs that ensured your survival during the traumatic times. Maybe you can ask inside to find out what needs to be done so that you can do that for your internal system.

One thing about my system was that even when I did not have co consciousness doing things that comforted me also comforted those inside of me due to its all one physical body and a natural dissociation filter. A dissociation filter is my locations term for how the alters know when they are supposed to take control. they are connected through their co consciousness ability to know when the body they are in has dissociated (some people call it when the host/ alter that was in control is/ was triggered ...there are many different words for how alters know when the person they reside with in is not in a non dissociated frame of mind..)

my point is most people with DID already have some sort of "filtering" system where the alters just know what and when to do things. maybe you can ask inside for your alters help with helping this triggered alter feel safe and comfortable again

[finding_my_way]

haven't had this about a parental figure, but a brother. some of the others have wanted a brother because they feel he would protect them unlike our sisters and the several parents we had who didn't. we never had a brother so don't know if one would be safe or not.

one of the younger ones wanted one of my online male friends as a brother, but it wasn't really something he was comfortable with or could understand and kind of got freaked out about even talking to her the one time she wanted to.

my therapist said that i have to parent them, but it's hard when they don't see me as a parental figure as it's not my role. yes, i can provide them with certain things and do my best, but there are things i just cannot provide (and they don't 'want' it from me). we don't have that kind of connection, and i don't think any of the older ones can provide that either as they seem to want an external person to fill that role.

it is also hard because if they don't have their needs met, i don't know how they can heal. and it also is really sad to me/them because it all gets so confusing sometimes and not knowing how to get needs met.

[ACrystalGem]

I've done a bit of parenting for my alters. At Christmas I got them all presents. It felt very appreciated by the youngest one especially. I have to accept I won't be able to get another mum or any other family members. But I can do stuff for all the ones inside.

so.

i really want a mummy i do because my real one is really horible and she really hurts me an she won't talk to any of us anymore and she never was a good
mummy and that and so if i had a good mummy she would give me a kiss and she would give me a cuddle and she would let me sit on her lap and she would read
me fun stories about princesses and she would read me peppa pig and she would sing me songs and she would watch frozen with me and she would buy me pizza
and chicken nuggets and chips and we'd ride on the seesaw and the swings but at the moment i don't have a mummy and i can't do any of that and it's sad
because i really want a mummy i do i do i do and i know if i had a mummy i would be happy and stuff and i would love my mummy and she would love me back
and stuff. licia

Our littles are afraid of mommies and daddies, they are so mean.

[blackrainbow]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Our littles are afraid of mommies and daddies, they are so mean.

not all mommys and daddys are mean some
are very nice and good
we are sorry yours were mean
alys and anna

[blackrainbow]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

so.

i really want a mummy i do because my real one is really horible and she really hurts me an she won't talk to any of us anymore and she never was a good
mummy and that and so if i had a good mummy she would give me a kiss and she would give me a cuddle and she would let me sit on her lap and she would read
me fun stories about princesses and she would read me peppa pig and she would sing me songs and she would watch frozen with me and she would buy me pizza
and chicken nuggets and chips and we'd ride on the seesaw and the swings but at the moment i don't have a mummy and i can't do any of that and it's sad
because i really want a mummy i do i do i do and i know if i had a mummy i would be happy and stuff and i would love my mummy and she would love me back
and stuff. licia

sorry you dont got the mommy you want does there be
anybody thats a safe big inside that could cuddle you
and read at you or maybe if you al have a nice safe
friend out here thats in person or on the computer that
can be like a mommy hope you find what you want
alys and anna

Originally Posted by blackrainbow

not all mommys and daddys are mean some
are very nice and good
we are sorry yours were mean
alys and anna

we like to think that mommies and daddies pass a special test before they can become mommies and daddies, and look after people.

but they don't actually do that, and it's sad how mommies can treat children

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

we like to think that mommies and daddies pass a special test before they can become mommies and daddies, and look after people.

but they don't actually do that, and it's sad how mommies can treat children

Maybe you could find a really nice one in the future but it is good to wait until they're a really good one. You deserve the best. Until then, could you ask one of the others to take care of you how a mommy would, a good mommy. Maybe they would like to be able to do that stuff with you.

Take care, Alicia.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

we like to think that mommies and daddies pass a special test before they can become mommies and daddies, and look after people.

but they don't actually do that, and it's sad how mommies can treat children

It's sad and it sucks

Do you have a big who can be a mommy to Alicia?

If not, make sure any outsider jumps through freakin hoops before they get to be any sort of mommy to Alicia

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

It's sad and it sucks

Do you have a big who can be a mommy to Alicia?

If not, make sure any outsider jumps through freakin hoops before they get to be any sort of mommy to Alicia

it's something we're trying to figure out at the moment (if a big insider can be a mommy)

their are lots of us, and we're all female, I guess it's just finding someone

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

it's something we're trying to figure out at the moment (if a big insider can be a mommy)

their are lots of us, and we're all female, I guess it's just finding someone

I think a big insider could be a mommy

I hope so, let us know here how it goes

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I think a big insider could be a mommy

I hope so, let us know here how it goes

do you have any littles in your system, and have you ever had someone inside be a mommy?

just curious how it went for you (or anyone else who may have had this experience)