[elevatedsoul]

mention cutting

Possible trigger:

i watched myself cut... i wanted it some what but not really..
it did it anyway...

im falling apart..

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

mention cutting

Possible trigger:

i watched myself cut... i wanted it some what but not really..
it did it anyway...

im falling apart..

here where I live there is no such thing as dissociative self harm. heres why... self injury here where I am is treated like an addiction. it causes the same brain chemicals to be released as someone who has a gambling or sex or smoking or drugs addiction... theres a medical term for it called euphoria.

example when someone start craving their addiction (drugs, alcohol, sex, self injury) their brain starts producing and releasing endorphin's this chemical production and release causes a person to feel light headed and dissociative like symptoms. in other words where I am this (euphoria) is a medical issue not a mental issue.

just a heads up bipolar medications can also cause this to happen, suggestion contact your treatment provider. (especially since none of your past posts state you have a history of this kind of self injury makes me think its a medical side effect of your new treatments or recent detox and inpatient treatment plans. that may need to be assessed by your treatment providers)

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

mention cutting

Possible trigger:

i watched myself cut... i wanted it some what but not really..
it did it anyway...

im falling apart..

I remember watching myself doing something I didn't want to do. It wasn't cutting but it was still unsafe for my body. I felt helpless as it was happening.
At this point in my life we have all decided not to hurt the body. Our body has been hurt enough. It didn't happen right away, in fact it took years but we were able to realize that our body deserved to be safe. And that is when we stopped our risky behavior. Maybe there can be an agreement by everyone to protect your body. It's not easy but it can work.

[elevatedsoul]

i lost my only friend today... she didnt die...
just i panicked and left too many msgs on her private msg facebook...

she probably thinks im a creep now... a monster...
im pathetic... worthless...

cant stop crying... so foggy...

[elevatedsoul]

it was like something took over me...

i was in a different time... talking to a different person... and at the same time it wasnt me...

this is what i get for being sober...
stupid body...

[elevatedsoul]

she was a real life friend... i just had saw her the other day...
i had a flashback of when my ex abandoned me, i was in a triggered state

its not fair... what do i do? im falling apart...

[Claritytoo]

I think you should slow down, take a breath and don't read too much into. If she hasn't said anything negative to you, she probably understands.

[elevatedsoul]

but she deleted me from facebook and blocked me on messenger... and didnt answer the 1 txt i sent.. i didnt want to sent a butch of texts...

[elevatedsoul]

n i just ment cutting when dissociated...

[blackrainbow]

im sorry youve lost your friend maybe give her a little space and she will
start talking to you again in some time
and as for cutting while dissociated that has happened to me as well
i was looking at myself do it it was something i wanted but also not
it was a weird thing to have happen
sending good thoughts

[elevatedsoul]

i cant take it anymore... im just in relapse mode... i hurt so much...