[childofchaos831]

So I'm gonna have to go into some detail, backstory stuff, for some of this to make sense... I have tried to do the TW hiding thing, but I'm on mobile, so I'm not sure it's gonna work...

There's this guy that I thought was a friend, that lately had been rubbing me the wrong way... know him from the 12 step club I go to, and for the last while, he's been showing up intoxicated and often with liquor mixed in a Gatorade bottle.

There have been instances where he had gotten loud and inappropriate while drunk, at the club. Before yesterday, recently tho, he called one of the women a (racist lang)

Possible trigger:

beautiful negress

. When she asked him to stop and leave her alone, he got louder, and ruder, and more aggressive. When he yelled (crude lang)

Possible trigger:

**** you, *****

one of the guys stepped in to get him to back off and leave. The guy started calling him (racist lang)

Possible trigger:

the n word

at him. That kinda died down by the next day.

Then, Thursday, thus guy posted on Facebook that people who choose suicide are (questionable term)

Possible trigger:

pussies

. I sent him a message, said for my mental health I was unfriending him and was done with him until he starts helping himself.

Yesterday, he comes to the club, and immediately starts with "I'm sorry you misuderstood..." I cut him off, and said I didn't and that I wasn't going to have that conversation. He kept going, and I said you are drunk, I'm not doing this. He starts into with "when was the last time you [self injured], hippocrit?" At some point during this, the guys I was sitting with just got up and went inside, and left me by myself with him. I went inside, visibly shaking, and basically said that if he keeps at it, to call the cops.

He came inside, I went back outside. He comes back outside. Starts at me again... I just keep repeating "leave me alone" and he keeps going. Then he comes closer, right in front of where I was sitting, and (scary behavior)

Possible trigger:

burned himself and growled at me

. I texted the guys that were inside, told them what he was doing, and nothing, no one came outside, no one came to help, and the response I got to the text was "smh"...

The part that really scares me, during all of this, I couldn't switch... I could feel both protectors, right there, trying to come out, trying to force their way out, I wasn't fighting them at all, I was trying to go inside, and it wouldn't work. Nothing would work. I was stuck. It's never happened like that... even when I had no control at all, it didn't happen like that. When I had more control than I do now, the protectors could still force their way out...

I'm confused, but also scared. What if something happens again, and I can't switch? I don't know what to do... I'm terrified to go back there... even though he is going to get a criminal trespass if he acts up one more time, I'm terrified... that was my safe place, the only place that I felt comfortable being myself. I have a hard time leaving the house at all. Usually it's just doctors and then the club... I can't go anywhere else by myself without panic attacks... and now the club doesn't feel safe anymore, and I don't have the insiders to make it better cuz I can't count on them to be able to help...

I don't even know what I'm needing... I don't know how to fix my brain... make it work right again... I need to be able to switch when I'm triggered...

[Amyjay]

I think you handled yourself really well. You have been appropriately assertive with that guy. What happened when you were outside with him and the other guys stayed inside? He did those scary things and... then what happened? Did you go back in the room? Did he leave? How did that part end?
Can you talk to the other guys that were there and ask them to not leave you alone with him again? Explicitly ask them to help?

[childofchaos831]

After what he did, I stopped talking, no eye contact with him... just sat there staring at the table. When I get really triggered, I go mute. In the past, the insiders don't let me get that triggered. The last time that happened was in T a few weeks ago, but my T was able to bring me back. I really don't know if he went inside or stayed outside. I wasn't looking up from the table.

I was able to talk about with some other people after the fact, after he had left, and that is when the decision about criminal trespass was made. I messaged the guys that were there and left me alone with him, and their response was that I seemed to be holding my own, and that if they stepped in that he would just go after them as well as me.

Still a little pissed at them, they don't really seem to understand. I tried to explain it, and they were just like "don't punish yourself cuz he's an asshole"... ya not the point... I needed backup or help and no one came. Even after I made it clear...