[elevatedsoul]

im really nervous... self conscious...
can someone offer a little bit of experiences on losing time...?
i know ive been on over drive or something lately.. but i think a long time has passed...? i need to relax so bad... jesus...

[elevatedsoul]

i take that back, a long time has passed :/ its been a month...

[elevatedsoul]

times just not right right now ya know... i think im really stressed out...

anyone know any easy relaxation stuff that works fast... that is somethin a guy wouldnt be all weird about doing..?

[Amyjay]

Losing time for me is like waking up I guess. I just become aware of myself. The other day i left therapy triggered and the evening for me was very fragmented, I think twice I "woke up" lying on the living room floor curled up and rocking myself. I just "woke up" and felt a little foolish and got up and went and did some housework. i don't know how long I had been there for.

We have missing memories more so then missing time. Co-conscious can be tricky because awareness of being conscious permeates the system as a continuous stream, but memories are segmented and divided to the Other that was present. Sometimes I come too out of a daze aware of time passage but no memory of it. Sometimes a memory flash that is very disconnected and far away ties it up just a little bit.

At least for me this is what it's like. I just can't get into the Other's feel.

When I feel cranial...I go outside to look at the sky and nature stuff....knowing life is so much more than that in my world.

[elevatedsoul]

well... i have my computer clock setup this way for this reason...
that way i can see the date often... but i just happened to realize that a month had passed yesterday.. like a time skip, but this kind of thing happens all the time normally just on smaller scale... i dunno, i just need to relax... im really stressed out bad and the only way i can make things better is to get a job or find some kind of way to start making money... structure... stability... stability... structure...

im in a time tornado...
i really dont know whats going on, i know i know, drugs are bad mmkay, and maybe they aren't making things better but damnit im in a lot of pain and i just want it to stop ........
i keep being electrocuted... panic...argh
then feel like im going to faint its an all too familiar feeling...

i feel this greatness inside of me... its name is lonely... may as well be, thats what it is...
when i am with people in my mind it feels better, but i cant live with people that are not real..
now i am lonely too and it hurts like heart break

why can an imagined caress warm your soul? an embrace make you feel connected deeply to someone thats not real?

sometimes i just want to leave here for ever because it hurts too much having all these panic attachs and pains and everything else that comes with it

but im torn between worlds i guess... cant quite lose my mind completely...

anyway... im just rambling now... because of this extreme anxiety and extreme sense of loneliness...

i just feel like im losing time... like i've read about it before, but i cant really remember much about it.. just that you sort of realize that so much time has passed or something.. whether is an hour or months..? i dont have memories or time at this moment.. i just know that i got out of rehab and things have been on fast forward... im in a time bubble or something weird is happening to me... im really stressed out though so i just wanna say im sorry for being weird cause im just goin through a lot of bad stuff right now... im being put in a lot of stressful positions and im pretty much forcing myself to take a stronghand approach to everything because im sick and tired of BS and thats not how i should handle things because of my anxiety... but... you know... i dunno... i cant help it, i just want everything to change and i really cant stop myself im kind of out of control...

but im in so much pain... so much pain... i dont know what else to do...
this is like the last cry for help... the last attempt to fix things... and it has to work... its the hail marry you know?

im giving it my all... and its taking everything out of me, and i cant stop myself now even if i tried, its doing it by itself

i dunno, i have a huge problem with embarrassment. i dont like to be embarrassed.. and coming here is really something that is embarassing, im kind of wondering if writing these things here is making my anxiety worse?

but i need people to talk to about this stuff.. i just dont wanna feel judged - who wants to be judged over something so personal

i have a lot of problems... and im just trying to figure them out... so dont judge me for trying to do something difficult...

thinking about losing time really though.. my "time line" is really messed up, autobiographical memory or whatever its called..? that stuff is really wacky... there is absolutely no order or structure to my memories(the ones i have access to)... they just sort of float around in this void .. mashed together

thats enough writing for now... my hands are tingling.. need to take a walk / breather or something... need air...

[elevatedsoul]

another thing i find odd is as soon as i got out of rehab they switched my meds .. which im confused about because i made it through a stressful thing with those meds why did i change them?
i just dont understand what i was thinking or what they were thinking?

i feel awful!!!!!