[Dakinis]

My instincts are telling me to keep my DID diagnosis to myself. What experiences have others had with telling people close to you? I would like to tell my mom but I didn't tell her about the abuse from my dad until I was in my 20's because I knew she couldn't cope. I have a feeling she won't be able to cope with this either and I will again feel misunderstood and unsupported...

[peaches100]

I would be very cautious about telling friends and family.

My husband and another friend I have are both very accepting of my diagnoses, and it helps greatly that I can talk about it to them. Also, being a part of the PC community provides support that I need from others who understand what I am going through.

HOWEVER...When I disclosed my mental health struggles to my parents, they denied there was anything wrong with me, or that anything in my childhood could have caused me to have mental health problems today.

Also, I had a couple of friends who didn't accept the diagnosis and/or acted as though it was just an excuse for self-pity.

[Solnutty]

I agree with being cautious. I have decided I will not tell any members of my family. The risks to my internal well-being are too great if I encounter misunderstanding or rejection. I don’t think I could cope with that. I can barely cope with normal stresses. I have also decided not to share with my friend-group, for the same reasons. Also, the others who share the brain and body have their own opinions and I respect them. I thought about telling a family member once and was overcome with dizziness and a massive headache. I asked inside and one of my insiders was totally opposed to it.
I have two friends and a recovery group that I have shared with and are truly supportive and understanding, but I spent a very long time considering disclosure to them. Over years I watched, tested, and finally judged these people to be safe and of excellent character. I’m very glad I weighed those decisions carefully.
It is important to note, I think, that my motive for wanting to disclose to family was not a desire for support, but a desire to be justified, and somehow get my family to own up to the fact that my childhood was horrific by communicating the lasting damage it had on me. This motive clouded my better judgment, and again, I’m glad I saw past that desire to the likely consequences of sharing my diagnosis.

[Dakinis]

Originally Posted by Solnutty

I agree with being cautious. I have decided I will not tell any members of my family. The risks to my internal well-being are too great if I encounter misunderstanding or rejection. I don’t think I could cope with that. I can barely cope with normal stresses. I have also decided not to share with my friend-group, for the same reasons. Also, the others who share the brain and body have their own opinions and I respect them. I thought about telling a family member once and was overcome with dizziness and a massive headache. I asked inside and one of my insiders was totally opposed to it.
I have two friends and a recovery group that I have shared with and are truly supportive and understanding, but I spent a very long time considering disclosure to them. Over years I watched, tested, and finally judged these people to be safe and of excellent character. I’m very glad I weighed those decisions carefully.
It is important to note, I think, that my motive for wanting to disclose to family was not a desire for support, but a desire to be justified, and somehow get my family to own up to the fact that my childhood was horrific by communicating the lasting damage it had on me. This motive clouded my better judgment, and again, I’m glad I saw past that desire to the likely consequences of sharing my diagnosis.

Thanks, in retrospect I think my reason for thinking about telling my mom is the same as yours. I'm going to keep it to myself.

The only person in my family who knows is my sister. When i told hershe said, now everything in your life makes sense all of a sudden. She said she somehow knew, but she just didnt know a name for it. She knew she had been meeting alters for years.

[Michael W. Harris]

Originally Posted by peaches100

I would be very cautious about telling friends and family.

My husband and another friend I have are both very accepting of my diagnoses, and it helps greatly that I can talk about it to them. Also, being a part of the PC community provides support that I need from others who understand what I am going through.

HOWEVER...When I disclosed my mental health struggles to my parents, they denied there was anything wrong with me, or that anything in my childhood could have caused me to have mental health problems today.

Also, I had a couple of friends who didn't accept the diagnosis and/or acted as though it was just an excuse for self-pity.

I can relate to the self-pity thing. What I know about this is everyone will tell you to just get over it. They will tell you that you are living in the past. But they will scream and cry if they ever went through what we as dissociative and borderline disorders did! It is easy for people who were not mistreated to say get over it.

But know this: If my Dad had treated my Mom and Brother like they were treating me, my Mom and Brother would have quit abusing me. My Mom and Brother would have cried and Yaa-Yaaed just as much as I did! Neither my Mother of my Brother could handle discomfort. The only reason that I got damaged as much as I did mentally from my Brother's abuse was that my Mom started telling me when I was two years old that it was normal for older brothers to "pick-on' their younger brothers. She took away my right to get mad at being abused and all I could feel was grief. I loved my Brother but I did not know how to fix the relationship and my parents never told me how to deal with my Brother. I was kept in emotional pain from the day I was born until my Brother went to college.

If I could go back in time now, I would take a baseball bat to my Brother. (I still love him though.) I then would tell him to just get over it.

[just2b]

BE CAUTIOUS !! Agreed.

[Michael W. Harris]

When I realized that I had a dissociative disorder back in 1989 to 1991, I began trying to get therapy. I immediately started to tell my family and friends. I did this in an attempt to stop the confusion that the extra-communication can cause in relationships. It takes loved ones and friends to prove that you are having amnesia/memory loss about conversations and things. I believed that it was very necessary for me to get treatment for the people in my life to understand.

Of course my Mother denied that I was abused. My Brother was programmed by my Mom to believe that his abuse of me was normal. My Mom also programmed me to believe that. My Mom was so mad that her Mom whipped her for trying to abuse her younger sisters that she let my Brother torment me constantly throughout my childhood. Any sane parents would have had my Brother and me in therapy very early during childhood to fix the relationship. But both of my Parents were mentally ill to some degree and it never entered their minds that I was being psychologically and emotionally damaged by my Brother.

Toddlers are not supposed to be abused by anyone or anything! This should be common sense. The years from newborn to five are critical in the normal development of a child.

The dysfunctional family will always deny they did anything wrong but I believe that it is still critical to tell them. It would be better if you had a therapist who would help you with the family. The therapist could help explain to the family members the psychology of childhood trauma.