[ACrystalGem]

I've recently uncovered an Alter called Monro, who is so close to how I am that I didn't realise she was there - I assumed the thoughts & things she said were just me 'out of sorts' on occasion. A lot of what Monro/Outside Me think about is hurtful, insulting & racist. They/I've also shouted at people & made bad situations worse. Sometimes She/Me have thought kind things, but most of the time that's not the case. I have arguments in my head often, and I also internally talk to myself a lot (I lost my voice as a child when the abuse was at it's most frequent. I'm also Selectively Mute). I only thought it was a new Alter when I realised the pronouns she used to describe Outside Me were wrong.

But now I'm starting to doubt that. I'm worried that I'm just not a very nice person, and that I have these negative thoughts & feelings about others - that I'm placing the blame on Monro, instead of Outside Me taking responsibility. I honestly don't know if these are Outside Me's thoughts or if it's Monro. If it's Outside Me, then God help me, I'm a racist git. I'm black & very anti-racist. I've volunteered with many Social Justice initiatives. I even set up a support group for LGBT+ People of Colour.

If it is Monro doing this, then I could understand in a way - my Alters are there & were born/created to protect me, even if they're negative. But blimey, I'd rather not exist if this is the 'real' me.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ACrystalGem

I've recently uncovered an Alter called Monro, who is so close to how I am that I didn't realise she was there - I assumed the thoughts & things she said were just me 'out of sorts' on occasion. A lot of what Monro/Outside Me think about is hurtful, insulting & racist. They/I've also shouted at people & made bad situations worse. Sometimes She/Me have thought kind things, but most of the time that's not the case. I have arguments in my head often, and I also internally talk to myself a lot (I lost my voice as a child when the abuse was at it's most frequent. I'm also Selectively Mute). I only thought it was a new Alter when I realised the pronouns she used to describe Outside Me were wrong.

But now I'm starting to doubt that. I'm worried that I'm just not a very nice person, and that I have these negative thoughts & feelings about others - that I'm placing the blame on Monro, instead of Outside Me taking responsibility. I honestly don't know if these are Outside Me's thoughts or if it's Monro. If it's Outside Me, then God help me, I'm a racist git. I'm black & very anti-racist. I've volunteered with many Social Justice initiatives. I even set up a support group for LGBT+ People of Colour.

If it is Monro doing this, then I could understand in a way - my Alters are there & were born/created to protect me, even if they're negative. But blimey, I'd rather not exist if this is the 'real' me.

in ....me.... my treatment providers called this my internal critic. which in me is different than my DID alters. I even named that critical one that was making bad remarks against everything from the living to the non living. the way it was explained to me about my internal critic was everyone has one, some people have names for them some dont. I call mine a swear word so wont place the name here, it may upset some people and it wont go through the profanity filter. CBT helped me, this is therapy that works on behaviors and making changes. when i notice her I ask myself questions that lead to why I am being so critical of everything. then I make the changes needed.

to find out what this is with in you, and what to do about it, you will need to contact your own or a treatment provider in your off the computer locations.

[L.P.]

Well I think that if you think you don't wanna be those things well then you probably aren't those things. I had one great uncle and boy oh boy was he a racist and he didn't think nothin bad about that and he didn't think he was a racist neither. He had reasons why he said what he said and he just knew he was right and only bein honest or something. I dont know lots of racists but I think thats what they do, find reasons to say why what they think and do is ok. Because you dont do that and you dont wanna be one, I dont think you really are one. I think that disqualifies you.

NiKKi

[dlantern]

Well just put it in context, use it to stay away from others the same way. Of course you aren't rude about it I'd ask it to change or go in hiding ....

[Amyjay]

ACG I don't know if it is you or an outside alter but there seem to be some clues about it being something dissociative though.