[SQLVR]

I was wondering if any of you had and advice on how to explain dating to a little. I have a seven year old boy named Henry who is uncomfortable with the idea of me, a 29 year old women dating or being intimate with someone. I dont know how to approach the subject with him to make him feel more comfortable with the idea.
Thanks,
Zoe, Jim, Henry

[yagr]

First of all, good job on taking Henry's feelings into account. That's awesome. I don't know Henry but I think any useful advice is going to be specific to him. For instance, I'm a guy but have a six year old female alter and we've run into similar difficulties. Whereas I'm extraordinarily logical, she's incredibly intuitive. So in our case, I've invited her to weigh in on potential dates. Her having input into the process has actually helped both of us - I make better choices and she feels a measure of comfort and safety because she knows she's being listened to and her opinion is being sought out because it's respected.

We also did some remodeling of the internal playroom that she retreats to during any intimacy.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by SQLVR

I was wondering if any of you had and advice on how to explain dating to a little. I have a seven year old boy named Henry who is uncomfortable with the idea of me, a 29 year old women dating or being intimate with someone. I dont know how to approach the subject with him to make him feel more comfortable with the idea.
Thanks,
Zoe, Jim, Henry

I never had to explain dating to my alters. my alters took control based on dissociation.... when ever something happened in my life to cause me to dissociate then the alter who's sense of agency it was to handle that situation would take control.

you seem to know and can communicate with your alters. maybe you can ask them why they are uncomfortable with you dating. that will give you a way of talking to them.

let me give you an example... i have a very sensitive daughter. she has many mental and physical health issues. sometimes when my wife and I want to go out she gets upset. we have to take extra time with her by sitting her down and saying mama Sandy and I are going out to dinner later on tonight. any questions? then she asks her questions and we answer hers keeping it very simple and to the point. yes we will be calling to check on you all, yes we will be taking a taxi home, no you can not come. this is just for grown ups.no you can not stay up past your bedtime. yes we can see if that friend can come over for the night. yes we will wake you up to tuck you in. ....we usually go through about 20 or 30 questions until she gets to the point where she says ok can I help you make dinner, or can you color with me before you go.

my suggestion is do something similar with your alters find time to sit down and let them know you are going on a date and ask inside if there are any questions then answer their questions in what ever ways you feel fits how and why they want that information.

other wise there is no right or wrong way to explain dating to littles be it biological or insiders.

Never have...it’s just something adults do. The just go along minding their own business.

[dlantern]

Trigger Warning

I know certain systems it seems to be no choice when therapy has gone wrong and certain other reasons. I'd just give him a job to go an tell the others who is suppose to be then give him importance of dialing a number. We all know this is uncomfortable subject you just got to tell him to get out the way or try to seek help for reminders with other alters to what happened when little. . Those systems with really good boundaries then you have to just make sure it remains that way safe places in the inner world go away until it is over a something to where it is simple like a dial a number