[amandalouise]

recently a post got me thinking..... Executive Control....and how that fit in with me.

Here where I am located Executive Control in general is how much control a person has over their behaviors, thoughts, actions, making decisions, logic/ reasoning, being able to carry out and accomplish goals, jobs, .....

example
as a human being I have the ability to read something and interpret what I am reading, if I am hungry I can follow the directions needed to make my meals, I can interpret the fact that its cold or warm outside and decide what clothing and accessories that I want to wear, if I am at work I can focus my attention on the work not on that fleeting memory that just came into my head, ..... physically and mentally I can do everything that is well with in my roles as a mother/ wife/ daughter/ sibling/ co worker/ advocate..... I know how much control I have over me and my world and make decisions that are
right for me and my family..... I can do these things right down to the complex details of my life, job, purpose, reasons for being in this world ....I have all the mental and cognitive abilities that is needed for me to do these things that America now calls ..... Sense of Agency.

how does this fit in with my past diagnosis of DID.....

before I was integrated into one whole person again each of my alters had their own .....Sense of agency (who and what they were, how much control they had, what they could and could not do, what the triggers were that caused them to take control, what their mental and physical functions were.... right down tot he minute details of what their jobs, purposes, reasons for being created were, what goals they could set and accomplish, everything that is part of their memories, how they think and behave and carry out their roles with in the system they are in, roles in life that they have.....everything that makes them who and what they are, what they do, think and say....

Example ....

Rainy's sense of agency (or in some places words Executive controls) was being sad, depressed, afraid of thunder.... everything she was, thought and did revolved around what was with in her control.... being able to cry, being able to get the body home safe out of a thunder storm, being able to use her logic and reasoning abilities to change her clothes into dry warm clothing, make a snack, remember where she left her favorite blanket, wrap up in her blanket, turn on the tv and watch it. ....

she took control when ever I dissociated due to any of the triggers that was her job, purpose and reason for being created.... sadness, depressed, fear.

she could not have intimacy because that was not part of who and what she was,

Thelma's sense of agency (or in some locations wording Executive controls) was intimacy. she could wear bolder clothing, make dating plans, go out on dates,perform any actions thoughts behaviors that went along with this, she could use all her logic and reasoning abilities to do what ever was with in her roles with in the system and life.

Thelma could not do the daily grocery shopping because that was not who and what she was, it was not part of her job, purpose reason for being created, but she could follow directions for making a romantic meal from what ever was in the pantry and kitchen.....

Thelma's and Rainy's Executive controls never crossed into each others, they each had their own, just like I have my own abilities and how much control I have vs how much my neighbor down the street has.

my alters were their own individuals with their own executive controls that showed who and what they were, how they behaved, thought, said, right down to the minute details in their lives.

before I was integrated I would be triggered into dissociating when ever a thunder storm happened through out my whole life. now that everything Rainy was is now integrated in me as one whole person again I no longer dissociate during thunder storms. I have the abilities and functions that she had that allows me to take care of myself during a thunder storm.

before I was integrated I would be triggered into dissociating when in intimate situations, now that everything thelma was is integrated with me as one whole person again I no longer dissociate during intimacy. I have all the functions and abilities to take care of myself during intimate moments.

[MoxieDoxie]

So what you are saying your host/self had no awareness of Rainy or Thelma and could not have a conversation in your head with her that this is ridiculous we should not behave like this when there is thunder?

I can describe all my parts but I go to battle with them in my head and what I look like to someone on the outside doing battle is me just sitting there or laying on the couch unable to get tasks done or just unable to stand still.

I have parts that help other parts. I have a dark part with all the suicidal intent but that part is young and unable to get the combination of pills for her plan. I have a part that goes on a mission for the dark part and makes the doctors appointment, plays the actress role of being in need of a certain drug, and then getting it. In IFS terms I think it is a manager appeasing the dark part to shut it up and calm it down as it calms down when there is a lethal plan in place.

Host/ self just is compelled to go along with the doctors appointment.

I still do not believe I has OSDD or whatever.

[Betty_Banana]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

recently a post got me thinking..... Executive Control....and how that fit in with me.

Here where I am located Executive Control in general is how much control a person has over their behaviors, thoughts, actions, making decisions, logic/ reasoning, being able to carry out and accomplish goals, jobs, .....

example
as a human being I have the ability to read something and interpret what I am reading, if I am hungry I can follow the directions needed to make my meals, I can interpret the fact that its cold or warm outside and decide what clothing and accessories that I want to wear, if I am at work I can focus my attention on the work not on that fleeting memory that just came into my head, ..... physically and mentally I can do everything that is well with in my roles as a mother/ wife/ daughter/ sibling/ co worker/ advocate..... I know how much control I have over me and my world and make decisions that are
right for me and my family..... I can do these things right down to the complex details of my life, job, purpose, reasons for being in this world ....I have all the mental and cognitive abilities that is needed for me to do these things that America now calls ..... Sense of Agency.

how does this fit in with my past diagnosis of DID.....

before I was integrated into one whole person again each of my alters had their own .....Sense of agency (who and what they were, how much control they had, what they could and could not do, what the triggers were that caused them to take control, what their mental and physical functions were.... right down tot he minute details of what their jobs, purposes, reasons for being created were, what goals they could set and accomplish, everything that is part of their memories, how they think and behave and carry out their roles with in the system they are in, roles in life that they have.....everything that makes them who and what they are, what they do, think and say....

Example ....

Rainy's sense of agency (or in some places words Executive controls) was being sad, depressed, afraid of thunder.... everything she was, thought and did revolved around what was with in her control.... being able to cry, being able to get the body home safe out of a thunder storm, being able to use her logic and reasoning abilities to change her clothes into dry warm clothing, make a snack, remember where she left her favorite blanket, wrap up in her blanket, turn on the tv and watch it. ....

she took control when ever I dissociated due to any of the triggers that was her job, purpose and reason for being created.... sadness, depressed, fear.

she could not have intimacy because that was not part of who and what she was,

Thelma's sense of agency (or in some locations wording Executive controls) was intimacy. she could wear bolder clothing, make dating plans, go out on dates,perform any actions thoughts behaviors that went along with this, she could use all her logic and reasoning abilities to do what ever was with in her roles with in the system and life.

Thelma could not do the daily grocery shopping because that was not who and what she was, it was not part of her job, purpose reason for being created, but she could follow directions for making a romantic meal from what ever was in the pantry and kitchen.....

Thelma's and Rainy's Executive controls never crossed into each others, they each had their own, just like I have my own abilities and how much control I have vs how much my neighbor down the street has.

my alters were their own individuals with their own executive controls that showed who and what they were, how they behaved, thought, said, right down to the minute details in their lives.

before I was integrated I would be triggered into dissociating when ever a thunder storm happened through out my whole life. now that everything Rainy was is now integrated in me as one whole person again I no longer dissociate during thunder storms. I have the abilities and functions that she had that allows me to take care of myself during a thunder storm.

before I was integrated I would be triggered into dissociating when in intimate situations, now that everything thelma was is integrated with me as one whole person again I no longer dissociate during intimacy. I have all the functions and abilities to take care of myself during intimate moments.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on what executive control is and explaining that it's the same as sense of agency.I wasn't exactly sure what it meant when I read the other thread.

Being fully integrated too I could relate to the examples you gave about alters having their own sense of agency before integration and now having the abilities and functions that they possessed to be able to handle things.Maybe not as seamless as it sounds it is for you though,for example when it comes to intimacy even though I now have all the abilities and functions of the one that always handled anything intimate I still struggle because I am present during those times and I had never really been before.I still struggle in a few other areas too like knowing how to handle emergency situations or extreme stress and other things I didn't have to handle before.But I'm learning.

I really couldn't relate to you saying "integrated into one whole person" though.I have never referred to myself as one whole person since integration because I feel I always was one whole person even when I had DID.Like going to the store and buying a puzzle in a box,it's still considered a whole puzzle,it's just in pieces and not yet put together.All the pieces in that box belong to that puzzle(unless there was a flaw during the manufacture process)there are not pieces from a different puzzle.All of the alters were parts of me,they weren't actually other people living inside of me and sharing my body.I was never more than one person.I had a mental illness that caused me to experience life as if I was though.

[Betty_Banana]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

So what you are saying your host/self had no awareness of Rainy or Thelma and could not have a conversation in your head with her that this is ridiculous we should not behave like this when there is thunder?

I know your reply wasn't for me but I just wanted to say I wish DID worked like that.If I could have just had conversations in my head and told my alters that their reactions to triggers were ridiculous and it would have worked I could have saved myself so much time and money by not being in therapy all those years.

It's definitely not that simple.