[Shellbe]

i don't know.....may be triggerring.......





i'm sorta new here. I have DID among depression and alot of anxiety. Recently, our person that takes care of work and home and husband and adult things just vanished. We are experiencing alot of stress right now and this has happnd before so i know not to be too alarmed. It's just that i have no support. the pdoc told me to go off meds until i saw my neurlogist for two seizures that i had a long while ago. She said don't take anything until he frees me too. So i didn't. Then she told my psychologist she didn't say that...so once again, i look like the resistant one, the one who %#@&#! up, etc. i didn't even bother arguing.
been in therapy off and on for a while, had a terrible time finding a fit because of my transference issues and just some "bad picks". I recently found a therapist i liked and ive been trying to be so truthful. however, now i fear i am just another liabilty for her. she said she would call b/c she wanted to talk to my husband on Wed. She never did and called and left a message on Thurs night. She said she will be gone this week. that's fine. it's a holiday and i have to learn to stand on my own....it's just that i was so worried about how to explain to my husband how much i am struggling and worry about her talking to him and she never called. i returned her call, let her know we were safe but that i would really like to talk to her a few minutes on the phone if possible before vacation. No word. Again, I don't know if this is turning into a whole other transference reaction on my part.
I am dealing with alot. my brother is very young and very sick and i am scare of losing him at any minute. my parents are alreayd gone so it's me, my brother, and sister in my immediately family. i have been with my husband for 8years, one year of marriage, and he has always just kinda "ignored" my mental problems, i guess in hopes that they would go away. He cannot fathom past abuse and why should i expect him to. Sometimes i think he would be better off without me. when i was in the hosptial for mental reasons for 6 weeks, he came to see me only twice. his best friend's fiance was in the hospital two days with stomach problems, and he (my husband's best friend) brought her a stuffed animal each day. i know it sounds stupid but it just makes me feel more alone in my mind than ever. Like what is my point here? If it's to live my life in secrecy and this kinda pain, i don't want it. I just don't want to hurt my siblings or my husband. i feel so alone with no where to turn. no support. and i don't know how much longer i can keep this up. i am tired and sick and sad.

[nothemama8]

Shellbe, just keep posting here Dearheart, we understand what your going through, all the folks here are very supportive and can help you through the rough spots they've been great to all of us
Angie

[pegasus]

Hello Shellbe, I don't know if you remember me from Chat but you are amongst friends here.

It is real hard when one of the adult-parts disappears, I know, this happens to me at times. I find it helps to try to keep stress to a minimum and find something that the adult-part likes to do. Hope this makes sense.

I'm glad you are here, PM me anytime.

This has happened to me, with both little and big parts.

Suddenly it gets real quiet, and sometimes I can identify why and sometimes I can't.

For me it has been trying to connect with that part and like peg said, find something that the part really enjoys doing to try and bring them back.