I feel very limited, like my world is real small, and my single liner posts that lack any real depth shows it all. It’s like trying to pull something solid together from a swirling dark cloud of gas and getting nothing- I feel dumb.

Me and the others feel stunted because most of our experiences and our knowledge is divided up into parts that aren’t accessible to each other, just to the one that has them. Because of this, I feel dumb. I feel dumb to relationships, dumb to small talk, dumb to group meetings, dumb to normal person to person conversation, just dumb. Sure our smarts comes and goes, but the dumb is here to stay. I can feel that dumb wall in my mind, it blocks access to a lifetime of information and achievements.

Sometimes I try real hard to remember to then can’t, or might get a flashback, or we have a switch and now everything’s different.

Being now 50 with miles under our belt we can now play it off...but as a teenager we were too quiet, walked around in a confused stupor and daze, and isolated- nobody did anything to help, not our parents, not our schools. Our parents always being complimented on what we’ll behaved children they got: out of pure fear we behaved, my sisters and I that is.

If anything, that is why I want integration, to get my past back together so as to quit being dumb in the future- or does it even matter anymore....

[Betty_Banana]

Of course it matters because you matter.I'm older than you(don't want to tell my age) and it's never too late.

I can relate to that dumb wall.I had that too I didn't call it a dumb wall though,I called it a concrete wall.I couldn't get past it no matter how hard I tried.It was like if I tried to think too hard to remember too hard,etc. there was a wall blocking my access.The wall was there for a reason though.It was there to protect me and to help me survive my painful past.In therapy though I was able to break down that wall.It took a long time and a lot of work but eventually there was no wall and integration happened.

I don't remember right off hand if you're in therapy or not.I suggest it if you're not.Everything behind your dumb wall is most likely too painful for you to face and process on your own without outside help.That's what the protection is for(wall/alters).

You're definitely not dumb.The seperated knowledge and experiences,that's basically what DID is.

[dlantern]

Trigger Warning....



Have you gone on your journeys? You know white folks playing down to black folks etc...Depending on gender sex especially when really really suggestible.....Have you figured out how you all learn? There are set standards and guides even as multiple ....Also make sure you not just in a crisis or a break down some of them break down fequently... Remember there is research that says, you don't have to be a genius is written with one of prominents. I'd get it but I can't research at the moment and post links. Use google you will run into it....Maybe those split when learning about being highly intelligent just wants to negotiate to take it in stride there are moments of geniusness in everyone.....I might just want something atypical to take your mind off feeling a little down and inferior...

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I feel very limited, like my world is real small, and my single liner posts that lack any real depth shows it all. It’s like trying to pull something solid together from a swirling dark cloud of gas and getting nothing- I feel dumb.

Me and the others feel stunted because most of our experiences and our knowledge is divided up into parts that aren’t accessible to each other, just to the one that has them. Because of this, I feel dumb. I feel dumb to relationships, dumb to small talk, dumb to group meetings, dumb to normal person to person conversation, just dumb. Sure our smarts comes and goes, but the dumb is here to stay. I can feel that dumb wall in my mind, it blocks access to a lifetime of information and achievements.

Sometimes I try real hard to remember to then can’t, or might get a flashback, or we have a switch and now everything’s different.

Being now 50 with miles under our belt we can now play it off...but as a teenager we were too quiet, walked around in a confused stupor and daze, and isolated- nobody did anything to help, not our parents, not our schools. Our parents always being complimented on what we’ll behaved children they got: out of pure fear we behaved, my sisters and I that is.

If anything, that is why I want integration, to get my past back together so as to quit being dumb in the future- or does it even matter anymore....

yes I can understand why you want to integrate...

question has your therapist explained to you what the integration process is, and what its going to be like after integration for you?

if not my suggestion is talk with your treatment providers. they can explain to you what integration is and what to expect and how it happens.

in the mean time since you and your alters do have co consciousness, maybe you can ask them to share a bit for with you. or at least write down things that you may need to know about. if I remember right somewhere you posted about getting a board that you all could communicate on... like a communication center. maybe putting up a bullitin board or dry ease board r a magnetic board with magnets would help you all to be able to communicate/ share information until you do go through the integration process you are looking for.