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#1
Nov 14, 2007, 07:15 PM
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************ may trigger*************************************
I am amost speechless... from the experience that I just had... a most amazing experience in my lifetime - speaking for all alters... here.. With the body work specialest that I go to... I went to him monday... and today.. On monday... for the very first time in my life.. ever.. I experienced.. a person giving me comfort..physical comfort.. and me actually being able to receive the comfort.. with no sex invloved.. no sexual overtones invloved.. with tenderness.. and with very loving care.. My system.. now knows "the feeling" of comfort.. physical emotional.. no logical comfort... this was nothing short of a mircle in my life....this moment in time.. how do I decrible comfort in words... it is the warmest... most safest feeling in the whole world.. I can go back to this feeling now.. because I know where it is.. and how it feels.. for a therapist to show me... we found it as a very warm hand.. held on the side of my face... so comforting... my face always so battered and broken by my ex-husband... feeling... this extrodiariy feeling.. comfort.. Today.. I found "me"... I found "me"... I think I want to shout it to the world.. I found "me".. My body.. never my own.... owned by my Dad.. the pedophile... my ex-husband... conditioned.. to never say "no".. or "get away from me"... to others in my life.. I found "me"... she was there in my heart.. risdeing.. waiting for me to claim her.. The therapist.. put his hand on my stern bone.. the warmth.. going thru my body.. and finally... finally.. I found the words.. "I hate you"... "I hate you"... yes.. I hate you dad.. I hate you pedophile.. I hate you ex-husband.. I found the word "NO" "do not touch me, it is my body".. and I saw... my "little girl".. and she is beautiful.. very, very beautiful And I went from seeing and feeling her there.. To I am here... I am beautiful.. I am wonderful.. I matter... and I was truthfuly re-born... because the tiny child that I was.. never got to be a child.. and the person that I am today.. So.. I say to all... I am beautiful.. I am wonderful.. In that moment.. for that monent in time.. every alter that I have... came together.. and clicked into place.. and formed a sphere.. in my heart.. I could feel it.. I could see it... like a raindrop.. glistening.. I saw my alters.. so very beautiful.. For the first time in my life.. I was a whole person.. not parts... not alters.. the feeling of "wholeness" is indecriable... it is amazing... of course...the joining was not forever.. it was alters "holding hands" so I might experience... what could be.. and what could be.. is so very wonderful.... |
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#2
Nov 14, 2007, 07:39 PM
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(((Freewill)))
Like I always told you  Glad to see you are feeling so well 
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Believe you can and you're halfway there.
--Theodore Roosevelt |
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#3
Nov 14, 2007, 09:15 PM
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OH WOW...JUST WOW.
What a blessing you give us by allowing us to glimpse your beauty and your healing journey. I can't express how I felt when I read this. I remember these same awarenesses and I don't think I need to tell you just how much they mean. Thank you for sharing a special place and allowing me to touch mine again, freewill. KD
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#4
Nov 14, 2007, 09:41 PM
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How awesome that must have been. I am glad that you are finding yourself in your journey. I am glad you are seeing the beauty within.
BB
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#5
Nov 14, 2007, 10:07 PM
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That is just great! Hubba-Hubba, kid. You are a wonderful person and congratulations on your discovery.
Eric |
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#6
Nov 14, 2007, 10:56 PM
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(((((((((((freewill))))))))))
My dear friend, I am so pleased for you, I kind of let out a long sigh when I read this.......I felt every word, I cannot tell you how glad I am that you have realised how important and wonderful you are.....love you Jin xxx    
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#7
Nov 15, 2007, 01:49 PM
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Freewill, I got goose bumps and tears in my eyes when I read your post. You have struggled and fought so hard to get to this point....I am so incredibly happy for you.
Please know I am thinking of you.
__________________
You don't have to fly straight...  ...just keep it between the lines!
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#8
Nov 15, 2007, 02:57 PM
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Wow, that is so beautiful. I am so happy you had this momentous experience. Shivers.
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"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
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#9
Nov 15, 2007, 03:13 PM
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thats fabulous!!!!
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#10
Nov 16, 2007, 04:26 AM
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yay! so glad you had that moment and that you now know how to get back to it. May you always remember and may it grow from there. You deserve it. ((((((hugs))))))!
kiya
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.   alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#11
Nov 16, 2007, 06:58 PM
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I don't know you but your post moved me and gave me hope. I'm so glad for you and thankful for the person who helped you experience all the beauty and love within you.
Keep truckin! Shellbe |
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#12
Nov 16, 2007, 10:17 PM
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You are so blessed, dear, dear Freewill!! I have no words, just emotions...
 with joy for you!{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Freewill et al}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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#13
Nov 17, 2007, 02:09 PM
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(((((((((((( freewill ))))))))))))))
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#14
Nov 17, 2007, 04:25 PM
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(((((((freewill))))))) i am so happy for you my sweet friend. my heart cries with happiness and joy.
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#15
Nov 17, 2007, 07:43 PM
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(((((Freewill)))))
How beautiful, inspiring, enlightening. Your post emits hope and courage and light. Thank you.
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 [/url] |
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#16
Nov 18, 2007, 07:27 PM
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Congrats freewill on finally finding that peace! Tears flowed as I read your post remembering my own experience of that feeling. It gave me such a great, uplifting feeling hearing your experience. I wish you more and more of it!
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wrenchergirl I, I could have been you, you could have been me One small change that shapes your destiny I could have been you, you could have been me - Melissa Etheridge |
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#17
Nov 18, 2007, 08:02 PM
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healing has occured
my course of action set, look out world I've come unfurled and you aint seen nothin yet! there is no need to question why, or wonder how I know I've had it here all along just hidden in my soul! It's all for me and no one else, so thank you very much! I'll take no credit,or no blame... but bless your healing touch. a moment of self compassion...in a lifetime of self denial |
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