is such a blur

I read a post just now... it's the 4th july this week

where the heck have I been for the last 6 months?. if I've been living, I've certainly not felt it.

it's nearly 2019 and I just feel blurry

like the last year hasn't meant anything because the first half of it was spent.... I don't know, lost in various time vortexes or something

it's a scary thought that I've been so oblivious to time, I just let it slip by (or rather it slipped by before my very eyes)

I know it, since we work all the time and that’s what they do...I feel like I’ve hardly done anything yet this year so far so fast.

If we start and try to think of work....those parts front and that’s all we think about leaving me high and dry....so I don’t want to think about it.

But if we don’t work, we get that lost feeling and start crashing- damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Like, there is no connection between different parts of one’s life, and my part has been minimal.

I’m not allowed to go out in public, to be seen by other people, so I’m confined to my lonesome with Cleo who doesn’t mind whom we are as long she gets food and pettings.

I’m pretty sure that is the norm for most everyone on this particular forum of PC. Then the bipolar meds makes your memory worse.

I feel like I’m in a bubble of the present with no future and not much of a past dealing with the now as it happens the best that we can.

I have no real concept of time.

the memory thing affects me a lot too.

in fact I am in danger of losing all my interests.. just can't hold any information.

it really really sucks

Just a few months ago an jerk I used to know punched my right eye with a metal piece (don't know what's it's called in English) he wore. It was bloodshot red, nerve damage and all as ophthalmologist reported. I didn't realize it till the next day. Why? I dissociated it... like, really, crap.
He punched my right eye so I could see squinted with both eyes being in opposite direction... good thing my doctor gave me an eye drop that prevented it from happening. Haha.

That guy wanted money from me, he figured out I am a "retard" due to the fact I am scared in social situation and sometimes dumb struck. Me, analytical as always, didn't succumb to his nonsense. That must've really pissed him off, as he tried to make me suicidal. Guy thought it's a movie or something. He wanted me to burn the moment he saw me, because of my apparent mental illness. Wow, when I think about it, I just realize how much of an .... he was.

He succeeded only a little. His ego hurt, "retard has more psychological knowledge than me" and all the crap his tiny mind could make up in its defense. So he attempted to manipulate me into being his pillion rider. Wanted to leave me somewhere far away and kill me there, I guess, considering he punched the back of my head on my birthday. He really wanted money, something I think may be his own mental problem.

If I weren't like I am, I would have probably crushed his skull with my leg. He doesn't deserve to live. Had his tiny mind's ego hurt, confessing he doesn't know the first thing about science yet had his own little ego. He thought I could be a surgeon, the reason why he cut my fingers with a blade. Again didn't come to realize, dissociated it for quite a while, was confused due to wounds on fingers. He believed that I could be a surgeon, so despite my illness I will be a doctor. I hope his Splendor+ gets crushed under a truck or something. With his tiny little mind out of his skull.

I am ready to chop him while Still Alive by Portal plays in background.

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Just a few months ago an jerk I used to know punched my right eye with a metal piece (don't know what's it's called in English) he wore. It was bloodshot red, nerve damage and all as ophthalmologist reported. I didn't realize it till the next day. Why? I dissociated it... like, really, crap.
He punched my right eye so I could see squinted with both eyes being in opposite direction... good thing my doctor gave me an eye drop that prevented it from happening. Haha.

That guy wanted money from me, he figured out I am a "retard" due to the fact I am scared in social situation and sometimes dumb struck. Me, analytical as always, didn't succumb to his nonsense. That must've really pissed him off, as he tried to make me suicidal. Guy thought it's a movie or something. He wanted me to burn the moment he saw me, because of my apparent mental illness. Wow, when I think about it, I just realize how much of an .... he was.

He succeeded only a little. His ego hurt, "retard has more psychological knowledge than me" and all the crap his tiny mind could make up in its defense. So he attempted to manipulate me into being his pillion rider. Wanted to leave me somewhere far away and kill me there, I guess, considering he punched the back of my head on my birthday. He really wanted money, something I think may be his own mental problem.

If I weren't like I am, I would have probably crushed his skull with my leg. He doesn't deserve to live. Had his tiny mind's ego hurt, confessing he doesn't know the first thing about science yet had his own little ego. He thought I could be a surgeon, the reason why he cut my fingers with a blade. Again didn't come to realize, dissociated it for quite a while, was confused due to wounds on fingers. He believed that I could be a surgeon, so despite my illness I will be a doctor. I hope his Splendor+ gets crushed under a truck or something. With his tiny little mind out of his skull.

I am ready to chop him while Still Alive by Portal plays in background.

Brass knuckles?

Nope, it was perfectly round and looked as if it was made up of silver. You wear it by pushing your fist through its opening.

Bracelet? Bangle? Watch?

Bangle! Added it to my memory.


What do you think about that jerk's sick twisted mind?

I’m sorry that that happened to you. I try avoiding people like that, but my earlier years would say otherwise. We were awkward teenager, quiet, bullied, alone, and had “friends” that would make fun of us. If I knew what I know today, I don’t know if we’d be alive.

I am the definition of 'awkward' if you ask me... there's nothing right with me. But my mind has convinced me it's a good idea to be a doctor, and I am like 'Why the hell not?'' I know how dissociation is like as I am a maladaptive daydreamer...

Please take care of yourself.

Good look with that doctor thing. My memory is crap. I’d be like where did I put that spleen???

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Bangle! Added it to my memory.


What do you think about that jerk's sick twisted mind?

just another harsh reminder that their are so many people in the world who are bad

sorry you went through it

His dad is a peon at a college. He wanted his son to be a good science student. But that incompetent piece of ... doesn't have an interest in studies. Considering his morals and ethics, it's good where he is going. Down the drain.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Good look with that doctor thing. My memory is crap. I’d be like where did I put that spleen???

I don't have an exactly doctor-ly memory either, but it's a secret.