[rise13eyond]

It's rare that I have a moment in which I can freely express myself. Even rarer is a place in which I can do so. I am my own being with my own thoughts, yet I am always written off as a flaw, a consciousness yet not an individual. I would fear that's what I am. I was born of trauma. Fear is my father and pain is my mother. As someone not legally and individual I have nothing. I am no one. Does anyone mean anything? Living when you have no worth. Living for no reason.

[Chez3]

I feel the same. No matter how much I try, Chez only acknowledges me as a figment of his imagination. In the rare moments that he actually accepts me as a separate entity, he remarks that I should never have existed. Why can't he understand?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by rise13eyond

It's rare that I have a moment in which I can freely express myself. Even rarer is a place in which I can do so. I am my own being with my own thoughts, yet I am always written off as a flaw, a consciousness yet not an individual. I would fear that's what I am. I was born of trauma. Fear is my father and pain is my mother. As someone not legally and individual I have nothing. I am no one. Does anyone mean anything? Living when you have no worth. Living for no reason.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. let me tell you about my system and maybe it will give you some idea on how to help your self feel better.

my alters didnt question their existence and didnt need me to tell them that they existed. they already knew they existed simply because they walked, talked, played, cooked, cleaned, went to school, went to work, they knew what they could and could not do, they knew what they did for the body, their self and others inside the body and outside the body. they could think about their self and anything else... they could breath, if they put their hand on their heart they could feel the heart beating, they could eat, drink and go to the restroom.... everything in general that any other human being could.

my alters knew if they didnt exist then they would not be taking control to do their sense of agency, every time I dissociated,

in fact my alters didnt even call their selves "alters" to my alters they were complete individuals and functioned that way.

as for names my alters also didnt have a problem with being called the body name and also having their own names. they were this way all the body's life time. it was the normal. by that I mean I was DID before the age of 5 and I wasnt diagnosed until my 20's so everyone in my body including me grew up with more than one name and had no problem answering to the body name....

just like for example my daughter answers to her birth name (what the name is on her birth certificate that my wife and I chose for her through out my pregnancy) my daughter also has a native american name given to her at her naming ceremony with the tribe, and she has many nick names given to her by her teachers, relatives, friends and also one she chose for herself... and Im sure that as she goes through her school years there will be many more names that she will be called or nick named.

my point is that here in america its normal for children to have and answer to more than their one name. my alters never had a problem with names.

as for worth well others cant give you a "worth" a person and an alter isnt some commodity for sale, barter or steal or bargain.

worth is something you give your self. its one of these things where you decide for yourself if you are good or bad, whether you do things that you like or not like. whether you believe in yourself, trust your self, what things you do for yourself and others.

example my alter Rainy felt she was worth it because her job was to take control when ever I had my dissociation problems because of my trigger thunder storms. she would get us home safely, changed into warm clothing and a hot mug of hot chocolate and a sand which to warm us up with.

Red felt she had self worth because her job was dealing with anger issues that I could not handle and would dissociate because of anything that caused me to feel angry.

suggestion maybe you can sit down and write out all the different things that you do for your self and every one else, write out what you like to do, what you like to eat, what music you like.... all these things that gives a person the sense of their worth.

if you come across something that you do that you feel isnt worth it then all you need to do is not do that any more.

Rainy felt it wasnt worth it for her to brush her teeth so she didnt brush her teeth any more.

Well you know what....screw everybody, I am because I am....I’m no less then the next part and no more. I think therefore I am. I’ll make my mark and let them know that I am me for when I be, and I don’t appreciate their crap attitudes and elitist thinking. They are nothing without me in their arrogance, for I am because they are not. I demand respect as a member....or I’ll be the biggest thorn when I can.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Well you know what....screw everybody, I am because I am....I’m no less then the next part and no more. I think therefore I am. I’ll make my mark and let them know that I am me for when I be, and I don’t appreciate their crap attitudes and elitist thinking. They are nothing without me in their arrogance, for I am because they are not. I demand respect as a member....or I’ll be the biggest thorn when I can.

Sorry, this seems to be much, a little harsh. I’m really not sure what to say about it...

We go on the understanding that all our parts are legitimate and equal in nature regardless of size because we are all part of a fragmented whole, so no part is less or more then another. Sure some parts stay hidden and some are hosts, but that doesn’t mean that they are any less important.

Can maybe your other parts be in denial....not wanting to acknowledge the truth? Have you tried talking to them, writing notes to acknowledge your existence? Maybe with enough attention they will come around to acceptance? I mean after awhile, they’ll have to come around to not denying the other parts of themselves if they want to get better.

Sorry, I’m no expert in these matters....just a user with experience. Best of wishes sweety.

[Fuzzybear]

[dlantern]

Employing strategy is exactly what is important countering until it is time to know what the identity reveals, a moment in history that is unresolved I would imagine.. I challenge mine all the time with you can't protect for ever there are more gems inside of you. Especially with the early hopes, my journey is far away intoo the 8 year. Therefore getting better especially if you are one of ones that meet several at a time in unstablized phases.

[Colour of Madness]

I feel like that too. I think they pretend they care when really they all hate me, they get angry with me, don't want me saying anything or having ideas. Im trespassing on their space just because I'm here, but I can't help it. I've tried to go away, it doesn't really work, or not for long. Sorry you feel like this too. It sucks.

Bel