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#1
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I think that's what this was, but I'm not sure. So today, I woke up, and I got ready for school and stuff, and as I was driving, I just felt like... I don't really know. It just felt different somehow. I got to school, and everyone was there, but it felt like nobody was really... real, I guess. It felt like everyone was a fictional character in a story, or a cardboard cutout, or something that didn't really matter. It felt like everything was already decided, and there was no choice, but just... destiny? It sounds more hopeful than it was. Like the story of life was already written, and we were just all acting out our parts, and I knew what was going to happen because it had already happened a million times before and I was just locked in this cycle of meaninglessness. But I was like everyone else. A fictional character trapped in this cosmic cycle day after day. I felt like I just saw everything like it truly was, but I was a part of it. It's difficult to explain. I just felt like nothing mattered, and I didn't matter, because everything that I will do, I've already done. And I felt nothing. I knew that I was scared, but I didn't feel it. I knew that I was empty, and sad, but I didn't feel it. I just kept living life as another cardboard cutout. I don't know. It was weird, and scary, and empty, and lonely. My brain didn't feel foggy though, like it normally does. Everything was clear. I saw everything as it was. It just wasn't meaningful. I'm probably making no sense, and I don't know what it was, but it's over.
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#2
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Yeah it makes sense. We feel like that a lot. Everything feels so.... meaningless.
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#3
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(((Huggs))) everyone on the meaningless. I just feel flat, like a spectator watching a 2 dimensional film in high def.
It’s a constant state for me, but really noticeable when driving in the daylight as the scenery moves along floatingly, watching from a drivers perspective. Is this because we have several alters awake and working at the same time causing detached feelings for our body and surrounding (dp/dr)? |
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