[rise13eyond]

I've heard people use so many words. Alters, headmates, parts, others....I mean it's a pretty long list. But what do you call an alter when you don't want people to know they are an alter? I mean we all frequently talk about or refer to each other without explicitly stating we have DID (it doesn't always go well). We use a lot of the same accounts online and we're stuck together, we influence each other or get in the way, so why wouldn't we talk about each other? But...we have no idea what to call each other. I'll be like oh blah blah blah something about so and so and then someone will be like who? So we'll state their name, but that doesn't always end the questions there. The person goes on to ask why and what our relationship is. And we don't want to tell them about DID and more often than not it's not even the person's business. I've thought of saying we were friends, or family....but that isn't really true and doesn't always explain the shared account.

[downandlonely]

I don't have DID, but I just wanted to let you know I sympathize. It must be really hard to know what to say to people. And so many people are ignorant about it. They think it's the same as schizophrenia and don't really know what causes it.

Idk. We are a very secretive system so much that we each own/acknowledge/admit to everything that’s is done through this body regardless of how insane and embarrassing it is...or has so far.

This may have been the only site that parts have seperately and openly expressed themselves with recognition....but that quickly ended...

The sharing of our inner world is for the most part like exposing a raw nerve to the air: it hurts, we don’t want it, and it’s not going to happen...even though we are also desperately wanting to be open and understood by our peers. Ironic, isn’t it?

[Amyjay]

We are also a secretive system, the ones of us that switch in and out daily life are (mostly) coconscious without time loss these days, so if we talk with every day people about something another one of this group has experienced we talk about it as "I" or "me". We don't talk about the alter in the third person when we are talking with people who don't know about our DID. We are even secretive about which one of is out and talking with our therapist. Only one of us has shared her name with our therapist and now our therapist will use her name in conversation when she recognizes that is who she is talking with, but other than that none of us are comfortable telling her. Sometimes the one who uses her own name will tell the therapist that so-and-so was out earlier if she knows about it.
Convoluted I know... basically 99% of the time we talk about things alters have said or done as "I" did or said that. Even though sometimes (if it is another person telling us something another alter must have done or said) we have no idea what the heck they are talking about because we have no memory of it whatsoever!

Ditto. Well said. T only person in our face to face life that knows.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I have had friends with DID (I do not). I did not know at first they had DID. It was not until they started trusting me, they let me know the little "quirks" I had thought were "mood swings" or "forgetfullness" or simply "imagination" was actually different "alts" coming out.

So really .. since I was able to explain it away in my mind, they never had to - until they wanted to. My advice to you would be to simply tell them "there are times when I am stressed I start talking about/typing about what I am thinking without realizing it - but I don't want to talk about those things now, maybe later, I hope you understand." If they keep pressuring you tell them you need them to respect your wishes or you will not be able to keep speaking to them.

That's until you are ready to be open about it anyway.

Just my two cents for whatever its worth.

Good luck!

We stay away from the he said/she said...too messy, complicated and very crazy sounding.

Singletons sees people just as they are, as a Singleton. When they encounter a multiple system....the idea of such never enters their minds, so they just judge you as weird.

Everyone here answers to the body’s name (as much as it’s a trigger hand me down name) and we barely reference anything that has been done in the past....basically live in the present because the past is to hard to explain, comprehend, and remember.

We have such a wide variety of talents and abilities that many regards us as genius (it’s a team effort) even though we are not...just good at a bunch of stuff, not great, just good....but to a singleton lacking the multipleness thing....

I don’t know if any of this hits home...but that is how we survive day in and day out stress free as much as possible. Goodluck deary.

[Michael W. Harris]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I don't have DID, but I just wanted to let you know I sympathize. It must be really hard to know what to say to people. And so many people are ignorant about it. They think it's the same as schizophrenia and don't really know what causes it.

I believe that in the long run, schizophrenia will be proven to be a severe type of dissociative disorder. My Mom was diagnosed as schizophrenic when I was around 12. Late in life I took Mom to a woman who specialized in female trauma and abuse. She told Mom that she was not schizophrenic but was very likely dissociative given her childhood traumas. Mom would have episodes where she got very paranoid and became delusional.

But I know that if a person is having memory loss/amnesia but that person does not have anyone in her life to tell her she is doing things that she cannot remember, the person naturally becomes paranoid. Then in trying to figure out what is happening the person can come up with weird ideas that other people would see as delusions. I personally became severely paranoid after I found out that I was dissociative but could not get anyone to verify it.

[amandalouise]

I dont usually explain it or tell others I have mental problems. here in america we have privacy laws. that means its really no ones business but my own and my treatment providers what my mental and physical health problems are, in turn my friends and family and those i interact with online do not ask such questions.

my alters before I was integrated also did not talk about my mental illnesses and that I had DID and that they existed.

everyone naturally followed the abusers code of "do not tell"... for those who do not know what this is...

when an abuser is harming a child they usually tell the child things like this is our secret, you cant tell anyone and if you tell anyone this and that will happen.

with DID what usually happens is that one or more of the resulting alters due to the abuse are protectors of the secrets, abuse events, trauma's and protectors that enforce the do not tell code. even it it means things like self injury or suicidal behaviors at the very minute sign that anyone is on the verge of telling, disclosing the abuse, trying to get help to stop the abuse.

telling someone I have DID or talking about what the alters were doing or that they even existed, would have resulted in that protector of secrets, do not tell abusers code to take control and prevent that from happening no matter what they had to do to stop the conversation / disclosures...

I grew up this way from the very first altered creation due to the extreme abuse/ traumas I went through, (before the age of 5) so for example it was my normal to be in my 20's and 30's and not say things like rainy did this or when thelma did that. it was my normal to not talk like that. if the others wanted to tell their friends what they said and did , they did.... example if thelma was talking about dating with a friend it was ok for her to say "my boyfriend and I went out to dinner and we..."

but because of the abusers code it was not in thelma to be able to say "rainy watched the sound of music last night" which would have opened the door for disclosure issues. which would then cause the protector alters to take control and do self injury or suicidal behaviors to enforce the abusers code.

see what I mean. most times there are protector alters that prevent this kind of thing and in me these protectors enforced the abusers code to no end.

[possum220]

The others will talk to the p'doc and Therapist. They/we have no names. They do not communicate easily with people in the 'real world'. People that I know can tell there is a change but no questions are asked. If another is out but I don't know them then they don't know what my real voice is like therefore no explanation is required.