[SweetSunshine]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Maytrigger~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





recently a friend of mine here was figureing things out for himself that he may have been disociating. He's given me the courage( probably does not know this) to talk about what I feel is goingon with myself also.

I feel its been going on for quite some time.. possibly years. But I have been scared to talk about it.

~I feel disconnected at times Like my mind wonders off
~I feel i lose chunks of time.Not always sure when it starts even when
the above happens
~I find things around the house, car, purse etc that I dont remember putting there. Like my lipstick in refrigerator, apples in the tub... on and on...

I hope I can tell my T today about this. I am scared to. I dont know if it will change everything or what..

I was sexually abused and gang raped as a child.. We think from around age 2 -12. Till a couple years ago I had not realized it started that early when I had gone into what I guess they call regression? I remembered how my brother would help give my baths. He did things to me. Bad things. When I got to be around 8 we think.. he did even worse things. Very hard to talk about as we feel vulnerable right now. When we were 10 my brother and 3 of his friends gang raped me. By when we was 12... he moved out .He always told us not to tell cause we would get in trouble . And when we got in trouble then papa would spank us with a 2x4 padel. It hurt alot. We got the courage to tell mom about it. She told me to go get papa . So we did. I waited on the steps and could hear them talk. Papa came out screaming at me that we was lyin and we could never talk about this again. So we didt. We tried to kill ourselves alot when we was in school. It hurt to be us. We have never told anyone about us. Please dont be mad. We are just scared. Papa is mad at us again.. and he dont love us no more.

[pegasus]

Safe hugs (((((( SweetSunshine )))))))

I'm so sorry you have been through all that.

Yes, it would be good to share this with T, take it slow, it's takes time to heal from this kind of horrific trauma.

You are very brave.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((( SweetSunshine )))))))))))))

very safe huggies for you...

[SweetSunshine]

Thanks Everyone But therapy didnt go so well. This new T.. the one that replaced the one I really liked ( and left the clinic) blew me off. He said anyone who is going thru everything that I am right now will do this. I wrote stuff down and told him stuff that I told you guys here. STuff that happens to us. I dont know if he is trying to get me thru everthing that is going on now in my life first or if he really did mean to blow us off like that? I dont understand. We feel hurt because of this.. papa used to do this and others in the family.

We will stay quiet about it again.. like we should have anyways

[bipolar_bear]

I am sorry you did not get support from your T. That must have hurt very badly. It is hard to feel that you are not being heard especially when it is something so important. Maybe you can consider bringing up the subject again and tell him how you feel about his response. I am really sorry that happened. Know you are supported here.

BB

[nothemama8]

Bethy, alot of now day T's just don't like to admot this disorder cuz they don't understand it themselves, hang in there honey, we're here for ya, BTW continue telling him whats going on so he can learn
Love
Reah

[Kiya]

yep- keep talkin

[SweetSunshine]

i dunno wear i belong.... so scared

[pachyderm]

You belong here.