[Amyjay]

I found this article about integration. It's old (2003) but timelessly relevant, I think. It was written by a survivor/therapist who fully integrated back in the 90s.

Understanding Integration | Sidran.org

A section of the article:

At the most basic level, integration simply means acceptance/ownership of all thoughts, feelings, fears, beliefs, experiences and memories (often labeled as personalities) as me/mine. It means giving up the split(s) that says something is “not me.” Integration is more than about personalities. It is about full acceptance of all dissociated aspects of oneself. Integration is a process not an event. It occurs throughout therapy (and outside of therapy) as dissociated aspects of one’s self become known, accepted and integrated into normal awareness. It is a natural process in the recovery from trauma. It brings a kind of peace that comes with fully accepting and loving yourself.

During the course of my therapy, I accepted/integrated many new awarenesses about myself. I accepted the core accounts of trauma and my feelings about this. It was hard for me to face the fact that my father had hurt me. I had kept the memories of his abuse separate from my everyday belief that my father loved me and wanted what was best for me. Having to rewrite my life story taking into account the abuse was one aspect of the integration for me.

Integration occurs when I accept a dissociated personality, part, or aspect of myself and bring it intonormal awareness. It is not about getting rid of or killing off a part of myself. When I maintain the split and say it is “not me,” I am implicitly rejecting that part of myself. Essentially, integration is fully embracing each and every part/aspect of myself.

Full acceptance allows greater self-control and choices. This is true not just for individuals with DID, but for non-DID as well. For example, when I deny, reject or dissociate that I have a problem with binge eating, I am not able to work on the problem. When I admit/accept that I have the problem, I can take action to deal with my feelings and choose new ways to handle the problem. With DID, when I deny/reject a part of myself that wants to cut/hurt me, I can’t control that part of myself. When I incorporate that part of myself I gain control and choices.


We am not there yet with any of our others but I can feel some of us moving closer towards it as we process their feelings and experiences and come to different relationships and understanding with them.

It is a long article but I found it both helpful and hopeful, maybe some of you will too.

[kbonnieboo]

I don't have time to read right now but I'm reserving my spot so when I read it I can participate in the discussion. Thank you.

[TrailRunner14]

My outer wold came crashing down on me about 5 years ago and I split myself, while really experiencing and seeing it.

That brought everything from my earlier experiences into my real life. I feel like I should say, it brought all of the shattered pieces of me into my mind as fragmented pieces.

I started working then with my counselor and had no idea of dissociation or “pieces of me” in the beginning.

As we worked through it, I found those pieces and valued them for who they were and brought them to a safe place. I feel like I brought them to “me” and a place that they could be heard through me.

As this process happened with these pieces of me, I feel like they became a part of me.

Is that what you speak of as integration?

[susannahsays]

Well, if she's right, it just proves my assertion that I am not an alter, C isn't a real person, and she doesn't have DID. She's always trying to take ownership for me and say that I am really her. So if integration is what this lady says, C should already be integrated.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Well, if she's right, it just proves my assertion that I am not an alter, C isn't a real person, and she doesn't have DID. She's always trying to take ownership for me and say that I am really her. So if integration is what this lady says, C should already be integrated.

If C doesn't have DID then I wonder if you might.

I say this goodnaturedly an tongue-in-cheek, of course.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

My outer wold came crashing down on me about 5 years ago and I split myself, while really experiencing and seeing it.

That brought everything from my earlier experiences into my real life. I feel like I should say, it brought all of the shattered pieces of me into my mind as fragmented pieces.

I started working then with my counselor and had no idea of dissociation or “pieces of me” in the beginning.

As we worked through it, I found those pieces and valued them for who they were and brought them to a safe place. I feel like I brought them to “me” and a place that they could be heard through me.

As this process happened with these pieces of me, I feel like they became a part of me.

Is that what you speak of as integration?

Thank you for having the courage to share about your experience.
I am no expert on integration. I only know about it what I take in from my own research on the topic.
But I can relate to what you have written here. I also find pieces of self ("others") scattered around the place and have a strong need to take them in, shelter them, and keep them safe. Some of them have been taken in to the point where perhaps the lines between self and not-self are now very blurred. I suppose that is part of the process of "integration".
I personally take the overview of seeing the whole sordid picture. I can see that these parts that consider themselves to be "not-mes" are actually necessarily dissociated aspects of this one physical being that is... me /us. I "get" that all of us are parts of one living being. Even though we operate and perceive ourselves to be varying degrees of individual and not-each other. I don't know if that is the same experience as you, but it seems to be the same general function... maybe? My view of "integration" is developing more of that understanding and acceptance and togetherness. More of a sense of I me my mine.

[MickeyCheeky]

Thank you so much for sharing this article, Amyjay! I hope it will be helpful to some people here on PC. Sending many hugs to everyone