There's a Difference

Most of us, the vast majority, are actually greatful to live in moments like now. Nothing special happening, except it's peaceful. Peace is all we want. It's everything.

At the same time, while I feel at peace, MT feels his mind crumbling. An old hallucination came back to him last night. A reoccurring one, if I'm not mistaken. Only one other has seen what MT has but she can't hear what MT hears. Makes us think this isn't a part of the system. Also makes the rest of us nervous for MT. He's steadily gotten increased hallucinations daily and his sleep is very disturbed anymore. The system will do what it can, but we can't stop an episode. Can only cover it up to hopefully attempt a normal display of humanity (zoned out and into their head).

It isn't right, the amount of pressure he feels. I feel my own and that's enough. But I keep hearing the kid scream. I want to help him, but all I can do is stay ahead and keep him safe from the real threats. I'm a voice in his head that can get lost inside voices he hears all around and inside, he can't always hear me. I'm hoping he ends up reading this so he can be reminded what's real and what's not. I don't want to see him fall apart like this again.

None of us can.

-Trev, James

I am sorry Mt is suffering. If dx'ed DID, since this is a dissociative disorder forum I would just reassure him, when in time if suspicious to maintain a safe distance in other areas of the inner world. Soon and very soon, there will be a level co con necessary for blending, if that is the goal. Explain to Mt, the term hallucinations are taboo and can be called it, because if not what if learning altered blocks out the term and you don't relate to people movies music in the outside world. This is only guidance to relate to the diagnoses of DID, if this is the case for you and your situation.

So true. I can never enjoy the moment, there's always my face, the charade, and then the terrified of a past event repeating itself. Or, I'm over confident, cut-throat, can be violent. Just as much as a charade as the one pretending to have fun.