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#21
I am feeling depressed, but hopeful.
this week I have had a few calls which I hope go some way to getting what I want (which is mainly to move and to have a better mental health team). we'll see.. |
![]() *Beth*, Breaking Dawn
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#22
yesterday I had another one of those calls
it wasn't bad, but it also wasn't the result I was hoping for (so I was a little depressed about that) but apart from that.. mood's good, eating well, sleeping not at all (so the norm for me), and I don't have to shower today- it is always a plus! |
![]() *Beth*, Breaking Dawn
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#23
lots of thoughts of previous trauma and even quite a severe panic attack
not a great start to the weekend. actually quite a horrible day |
![]() *Beth*, Alatea, Breaking Dawn
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#24
I wish my brain didn't jump ahead of itself. (could have sworn I posted in this thread this morning)
anyway, not a great day for me really, nothing that needed doing, not a great mood, and not really much to look forward too (though the plus side is that I did eat something) |
![]() *Beth*, Breaking Dawn
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#25
I'm losing memories of posts, etc. I've written. I read a post, want to comment on it, scroll down to read other posts in the thread and see my name and apparently something I've written a month ago, few days ago, a day ago, 3 hours ago. No memory at all of having previously read, let alone posted, on the thread. This happens over and over for at least a year; much longer, I think. It's scaring me. It's as though someone else is using me to write things that I have no knowledge of.
Brought it up with my therapist today; her comment was that she doesn't have much experience with memory work ( ![]() ![]() I'm checking out, going to sleep. I have to keep myself safe. I've left and someone with a simpler mind will take my place, sit in my chair, watch that stupid camera. While wearing headphones. __________________ |
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#26
just a quick ramble about loss of time: could have sworn that this afternoon I watched tv, but I don't remember what I watched
bleh I really hate that when that happens |
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![]() *Beth*
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 12
5 8 hugs
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#27
Today is not good for me, very prone to switching, and no one who's been out is having a pleasant time. We were supposed to have an intake today but, it was scheduled months ago and I think the person forgot... I kinda needed to reach out to a professional today but, I'll make it I suppose.
I wish I had a lighter note, but the past few days have been a living hell. Take good care, everyone. And here's hoping things look up. __________________ BPD, DID, ADHD Ruling out bipolar. Take good care of yourselves <3 |
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#28
It felt soothing and amazing to be recognized by our T today. Now we have work to do
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#29
i am being very confused by me. i know i am who i am, but something in me wants me to be someone else who is kind of opposite. i’m hoping i can talk to someone because i am just being harassed by someone else in me who is there but isn’t and this someone else who is demon-like has created a woman without personality who is waiting to take over.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,159
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#30
Quote:
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Elder
Member Since Nov 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 5,037
7 15 hugs
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#31
We talked to our pdoc about getting the official DID diagnosis on our chart again. It was there years ago and just got lost over the years. Our T has it as our primary diagnosis, but it's not there with our pdoc... We just want it there on both. It feels more affirming.
__________________ ![]() Diagnoses: PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain |
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Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 1,272
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#32
I had a difficult time finding this forum and I almost had a panic attack. I talked to my dr and told her I am having a ton of anxiety and depression. She said my meds are correct and I should be ok. WTF.
I was recently diagnosed with cancer. I went through treatment and am now on meds for the rest of my life. I hope the cancer don't come back. One of the voices told me I will die at age 68. I am presently 63, oddly enough knowing I had until I am 68 gave me hope during my fight against cancer. Knowing when I will die is strange. It's not like life is guaranteed. We can go at anytime but it causes me to value my time. It has also affected the choices I am making. Such as getting a dog. I don't want to get a dog that will be left behind when I die. So I have been looking to adopt a senior dog. I also have stopped looking for a place to buy. Such as a condo, coop, mobile home. Its not worth the trouble of purchase if I only have 5 years. Right now I am living in a small studio apartment near the water and feel safe. So I think I will be here awhile. I intend on getting life insurance for my funeral and my family. I also need to get a health care proxy just in case. As far as the rest of us we have become very quite. Except the other day, we were driving and I realized that the one driving wasn't that good at it. They are younger. I told them to pay attention and stop fooling around. Finally I ask us if the one who drives could take the wheel and get us where we need to be. She did. But I can't understand why she wasn't driving in the beginning. Why she let someone else drive. It was like all of a sudden driving wasn't an important thing. It is. I hope she is ok with my thoughts. Well I could continue all night but Ill stop here. It feels good to be able to come somewhere and just talk about us. |
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![]() *Beth*, stahrgeyzer
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Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,159
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#33
Quote:
maybe you can check with your alters to see if that was the case... the driver knew you were actually capable and able to drive so was stepping down from doing so automatically. maybe your healing process has advanced to your alters starting to integrate by waiting for you to learn that you can drive the vehicle with out their doing it for you. another suggestion maybe its time for you to do a refresher course on how to drive. have a friend act as driving instructor. or take a driving class. |
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#34
Quote:
Welcome! Is the doctor you talked to a psychiatrist? I want to mention that no one knows for sure when you (or anyone) will die. I was told I would die at 17; we planned for that. Well, I'm 57. Remember that there's a tremendous amount of fear that is intertwined in our systems, and that includes fear of dying. Btw, it's wonderful that you're adopting a senior dog! ![]() __________________ |
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Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 1,272
12 11 hugs
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#35
Quote:
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![]() amandalouise
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,024
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#36
Dealing with depersonalization every night before I go to bed (From psychedelic overdoses 4 years ago).
When the zopiclone and olanzepine kicks in, it goes away and I fall asleep. Rarely it turns into derealization anymore. Every time I get derealization, I get an extremely severe panic attack that feels like I've run a marathon. Exercise is helping. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 1,272
12 11 hugs
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#37
Quote:
The voice I heard is a voice that I have heard in the past. She has been right about everything she has told me. I wouldn't ask about when I was going to die. So she told me one morning. This voice is not in my head it is from outside my head. She is someone who looks out for us. 40 years I asked about the death of someone I knew. I didn't expect an answer. She said 72. My friend died in 2018 at age 72, I hadn't remembered that I had asked that question until I heard of my friends death. I can't look past what she has told me. |
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![]() *Beth*
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Guest
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#38
very hard day today.
panic attack, fibro pain, anger at my team, but also some calm moments too started watching a tv drama I really wanted to start watching so that was nice. |
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Guest
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#39
supermarket let me down again for the second week running
need to fix this otherwise okay |
![]() *Beth*
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Guest
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#40
despite my night, I'm feeling pretty good.
I spent the entire night having flashbacks, really intense flashbacks, too this morning I even doubted my own safety as it was so intense. but I had breakfast and I've done my self-care for today, so things are running normally just uggg. last night was bad though. the worst it's been in a while |
![]() amandalouise
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