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Old 04-07-2021, 07:13 PM   #251
ReveuseTroublee
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I am really scared of the appointment... I feel fine like I don't need help... I just don't know what to talk about really...

But that is the mentality that caused me so many problems I guess. I am so confused. I come close to an answer and suddenly it just moves even further away from where it came from.

When something is not present 24/7 I always feel cured but then I make the painful discovery over and over again that I am not.

So yeah I am utterly confused and nobody seems to get me in real life... I mean I often don't get myself either you know.
Just nothing consistent.
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Old 04-07-2021, 07:17 PM   #252
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

If I would not write down my struggles I would not believe myself that I have any.
I look at my notes and think well that is interesting but that must be about someone else but I know it is not and that scares me... Other than that I am trying to make the best out of everything. I created another painting today and just trying to return to uni and do my hobbies...
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Old 04-09-2021, 01:34 PM   #253
stahrgeyzer
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Trying to get over a toothache. I went to bed last night in pajamas but woke up in the night dressed. Someone's been fronting while I'm asleep. Last week I suddenly noticed permanent blue marker ink all over my shirt. What a mess! I didn't do it and have no memory of doing that.

Besides that everything is good.
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Old Today, 08:17 AM   #254
ReveuseTroublee
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Exhausted once again. I am always scared to lash out. I thought I screamed at my father, apparently I did not but maybe he just wanted to comfort me.
This morning a long discussion with the voices in my head about therapy with way too many opinions. My head hurt and I was tired afterwards.
Another few hours lost. It took endless to get ready for the day with major breaks.
I am so overwhelmed and constantly overshare about things, I am just so confused.
Right now just exhausted from basically doing nothing.
What do I even know?
The brain fog is so strong...
How can I study like this? Maybe I am really insane, fooling myself and the world...
Who knows...
I will try. Maybe it gets better... I also need to have some water. It is already 3 pm and I barely drank anything.
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Old Today, 12:08 PM   #255
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Dear @ReveuseTroublee, reading this last post of yours is like reading my own journal. That's the way it is for me almost all the time. I imagine you suffer a lot a great deal of the time. I wish you all the best.
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