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stahrgeyzer
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#501
It said Poohbah so I thought it was winnie the pooh, which little Paul would love.
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Breaking Dawn
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Breaking Dawn
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#502
I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have talked about it. Can you get a Winnie The Pooh book for little Paul & read it with him?
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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Location: southern california
Posts: 2,238
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#503
Even though the past two days has been very challenging and filled with crying, I feel like a whole person today, or my idea of what that would feel like. It feels foreign, but warm and comfortable inside and not so much anxiety and fear.
I haven't felt any of the other parts lately. I haven't even felt little Paul. If they're real, then either they're hiding deep inside or maybe it's full fusion. I hope so. My therapist is so good to me. She helped me today via email. We have a great healthy client therapist relationship. I'd never lie to her ... except for one thing, if I felt forced to stop taking my meds and if she asked me if I was taking them, I would probably be too afraid to tell her. I would be afraid it would hurt her feelings. She's a great therapist! Paul |
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Anonymous32451
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#504
been in hospital for the last few days- really struggled with quite a few asspects... especially food and the beds (ugg!)
now spending some time relaxing and readjusting.. actually feeling okay now I've had a good meal and got some of my home comforts back |
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#505
I took a shower today
getting a new dvd today too. looking forward to that |
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#506
new echo is good, though I wish i'd saved my money to buy voltron. can't aford it now and need to wait
had some good food the last few nights.. not been perfect, but not making me gag or anything so that has to be in plus sleep's been the usual, basically none I can't believe that tomorrow I've been back from the hospital for a weekk. it's litirally flown by.. |
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#507
so I just saw my mental health team for the 7-day follow-up after being discharged from the hospital
oh my god, talk about annoying and a day spoiler. they just can't accept I'm okay.... jesus. ah well: I'm going to try not to think about it, tonight I'm having pizza and garlic bread. should take my mind off it for a while and I got you all too. gal couldn't wish for more, right? |
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Breaking Dawn
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: southern california
Posts: 2,238
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#508
Lately I'm waking up a lot in the middle of the night with a panic attack feeling like someone's suffocating me with a pillow. I don't what triggers them but eventually they fade. But this time I'm getting a strong feeling that it's my much older brother doing it. Maybe therapy is finally breaking down some barriers.
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Breaking Dawn
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: southern california
Posts: 2,238
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#509
Feel like I'm shattering to pieces all of a sudden, and I've been doing so well lately. Frustrating. When it rains it pours!
I'm just going to ignore everything until it gets better and pretend it's all good. |
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Anonymous32451
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#510
I have been really struggling with mnemories of hospital
ever since I got back last week, I have had really bad flashbacks of it and feelings like I am still their. it's horrible.... I hate it.. people tell me it will take time for it to go away- but why can't it be now? I don't like it |
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Anonymous32451
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#511
a friend of mine is turning 28 today
I saw him yesterday and he's like oh me and a group of friends are getting chinese. not you, your having mcdonalds- didn't even asked me, chinese would have been nice too oh well: I'm being the bigger person, and I actually wished him a happy birthday this morning. he's looking forward to the day and I don't want to spoil it for him |
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#512
I also showered today.
all clean for the weekend.. |
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Breaking Dawn
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: southern california
Posts: 2,238
5,559 hugs
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#513
Feeling good except it feels like there's a war of parts inside of me trying to lash out. I just want full fusion, but feel like they're fighting me every step of the way. Often they've been doing things like moving my arm to mess up what I'm doing, but lately it's been happening dozens of times each day.
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#514
a friend of mine (or rather acquaintance), blocked my emails yesterday
apparently, after I told him I'd been in hospital, he couldn't cope with that and just moved on really does paint the picture of the crazy unstable one who's about to go off the rails just another reason why mental health stigma is still a thing nowadayy enjoyed my mcdonalds.. |
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Breaking Dawn
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Breaking Dawn
Thankful for my blessings.
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
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#515
Quote:
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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stahrgeyzer
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stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: southern california
Posts: 2,238
5,559 hugs
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#516
I feel so horrible. When your little self is scared of you and doesn’t like you. Kinda makes you feel like a monster.
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Breaking Dawn
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: southern california
Posts: 2,238
5,559 hugs
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#517
Lately it seems like I feel like a completely different person in the morning. Feel like I’m losing my patience with this disorder of “parts” & dissociation. I’m so deathly sick and tired of voices. Been hearing them my entire adult life. Like right now as I type I’ve heard an inner female voice say three times “Honey, I’m so sorry.” It may sound strange to be upset with someone/ something that’s being nice to you but some of inner voices can be cruel. And most of all I’m tired of begging them to be part of my outer life. Like, why can’t they share the load of being “host?” Why can’t they write me personal messages on the pad of paper more often. Instead they tell me how afraid they are of the outer world and being out too long and bla bla bla bla bla
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Breaking Dawn
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: southern california
Posts: 2,238
5,559 hugs
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#518
So I refuse to say they’re real. Some people on YouTube somewhere say they ignored alters and DID for a long time and now they don’t have DID.
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Breaking Dawn
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Legendary
Breaking Dawn
Thankful for my blessings.
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
42.2k hugs
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#519
Quote:
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Anonymous32451
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#520
my littles made up a fun story about gary the goldfish- it's fun!
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Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer
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