I am suffering.

back hurts

leg hurts

kneck hurts

lucky I'm not doing anything today.

yesterday I had a delivery of the malcolm in the middle dvd, think after I've finished here I'll just watch that

that is, of course, if I can hobble over to put the disk in the player

uggg pain.

[Desoxyn]

The depersonalization turned into derealization two nights ago. I had a severe psychotic panic attack. I took benzos and went to sleep.

I didn't have dp/dr last night. Idk about tonight.. I could..

managed 2 episodes of malcolm in the middle before getting bored.

spent the rest of the day updating my music collection, eating my dinner (average), and checking emails

don't know much about today so far. in pain since 3 A.M, and have a feeling of hopelessness since 3.

but positives are that I've eaten a healthy breakfast and I have dome some laundry.

not sure about the rest of the day yet

my pain made yesterday an absolute rightoff. apart from eat and post here, their was nothing I could do (too much pain)

today is basically the same. managed to eat a healthy breakfast, do laundry, post here, but I'm in agony. a lot of the time today I'm groaning and i'm not even going anywhere. hurts too much

today I need to write my grocery list for next week.

items I will buy are: coca-cola (which I have been craving all morning), strawberry water, my dinners, and some treats too.

it is hot today (it was hot yesterday, too). got my fan on and cooling spray to hand though. should be good

I have my shopping order to look forward to today, but that is about it

I should probably get someone out to have a look at my leaking sink,but not today. I honestly can't be bothered.

turns out the sink was easier to fix than I intended, and it got done yesterday so no more leaks on to the floor which is good (so no more change of me slipping)

showered today.

body didn't provide much for me in the way of movement so it was quite painfull. ugg

needed too though: was quite incontinent this morning. came out of the blue, just like that.

no real plans for today: just have mcdonalds later which I am looking forward too.

it is cooler today too. I still have my fan on, but not sure I am going to need the cooling spray today

[Claritytoo]

Right now I am here because I feel like crying and i don't know why. i feel like sobbing.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

Right now I am here because I feel like crying and i don't know why. i feel like sobbing.

Are you in a place where you can allow yourself to do that?
We have been feeling that way a bit lately too. For us its alters that are close to the surface, dealing with their stuff. It can be weird to feel perfectly fine and then have others come closer (or out) and sob and feel so much pain and grief. And then for us they go again and its like nothing ever happened.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

Right now I am here because I feel like crying and i don't know why. i feel like sobbing.

Are you in a place where you can allow yourself to do that?
We have been feeling that way a bit lately too. For us its alters that are close to the surface, dealing with their stuff. It can be weird to feel perfectly fine and then have others come closer (or out) and sob and feel so much pain and grief. And then for us they go again and its like nothing ever happened.
Here's hoping you find peace with whatever emotions are moving up and through you.

it is so much cooler today. it's nice.

honestly thought the heatwave would never end

but here we are in a cooler climate... yay

going to be a wasted day though: no motivation to do anything, and even if I did nothing needs doing

yesterday evening I had a chinese takeaway. it was nice, and even though I've now had takeout for 2 nights running (which I know is bad), my tummy is full and that is the main thing

today I am actually quite freaked out. their are 2 wasps in the house (I'm alergic), so need to be careful. thankfully, at the moment, they are shut in the living room with the windows open (my hope is that they will just choose to fly out), but if not, I will have to call someone in as obviously I can't go near them.

drinking lots of healthy water today, and I have a fruit salad as well. hopefully later I'll have my sunday roast too

update on the wasp situation: they are still very much alive!.

when I walked in to the lounge this morning, I couldn't see them or hear them, but when I turned on the light I saw that they were hiding in the light switch!. I ran out their as fast as I could go. such a scary situation!. and I generally thought they had gone yesterday

new week, same ****

plans for today: nothing, and unless anything changes, it's that all week.

the wasps are gone.

yesterday it rained, and of course: wasps hate the rain (wasps are also quite stupid)

so they flew out of the window soaking their wings

ah well: at least they are gone, and I think that's the last I'll see of any for a while (we're meant to be getting early fall storms!)

nothing today, though I probably don't need to say that. this is my life we're talking about.

[Fuzzybear]

I would like..

deleted

feeling a bit angry.

today I got a letter, and the person miss printed my last name

when I say miss printed it, I mean really mis printed. got it spectacularly wrong, and not just that, either

the last name they used just happened to be the last name of one of my previous abusers

can't say I'm too happy about that, either- and this place really needs correcting (I'll ring when I'm less angry about it)

and less in pain. getting ready for today was beyond painful

[Amyjay]

One of my abusers died this morning. My day was filled with way too much family stuff and the funeral (which I am expected to go to) is during my therapy time.
How is that I am still expected to go through this ****, why did nobody EVER stick up for ME??

I am really struggling today. And feeling very sorry for myself. And hurting.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

One of my abusers died this morning. My day was filled with way too much family stuff and the funeral (which I am expected to go to) is during my therapy time.
How is that I am still expected to go through this ****, why did nobody EVER stick up for ME??

I am really struggling today. And feeling very sorry for myself. And hurting.

I am so sorry to here this. today must be really hard

to be honest, the funeral is a hard one.. when my grandmother died, I was banned from attending her funeral and given the reason " she wouldn't want you their"

couldn't help but feel torn about it.. I mean sure, probably not (she was a nasty woman), but she was family, and I am (or thought) I was family too

but apparently not

in all ghonestly

Possible trigger:

not sure why I am even breathing

I have been awake all night with bad pain and flashbacks, and my only thing I'm doing today is eating some ****ing fruit, all day

I mean it's beyond pointless