it is so much cooler today. it's nice.

honestly thought the heatwave would never end

but here we are in a cooler climate... yay

going to be a wasted day though: no motivation to do anything, and even if I did nothing needs doing

yesterday evening I had a chinese takeaway. it was nice, and even though I've now had takeout for 2 nights running (which I know is bad), my tummy is full and that is the main thing

today I am actually quite freaked out. their are 2 wasps in the house (I'm alergic), so need to be careful. thankfully, at the moment, they are shut in the living room with the windows open (my hope is that they will just choose to fly out), but if not, I will have to call someone in as obviously I can't go near them.

drinking lots of healthy water today, and I have a fruit salad as well. hopefully later I'll have my sunday roast too

update on the wasp situation: they are still very much alive!.

when I walked in to the lounge this morning, I couldn't see them or hear them, but when I turned on the light I saw that they were hiding in the light switch!. I ran out their as fast as I could go. such a scary situation!. and I generally thought they had gone yesterday

new week, same ****

plans for today: nothing, and unless anything changes, it's that all week.

the wasps are gone.

yesterday it rained, and of course: wasps hate the rain (wasps are also quite stupid)

so they flew out of the window soaking their wings

ah well: at least they are gone, and I think that's the last I'll see of any for a while (we're meant to be getting early fall storms!)

nothing today, though I probably don't need to say that. this is my life we're talking about.

[Fuzzybear]

I would like..

deleted

feeling a bit angry.

today I got a letter, and the person miss printed my last name

when I say miss printed it, I mean really mis printed. got it spectacularly wrong, and not just that, either

the last name they used just happened to be the last name of one of my previous abusers

can't say I'm too happy about that, either- and this place really needs correcting (I'll ring when I'm less angry about it)

and less in pain. getting ready for today was beyond painful

[Amyjay]

One of my abusers died this morning. My day was filled with way too much family stuff and the funeral (which I am expected to go to) is during my therapy time.
How is that I am still expected to go through this ****, why did nobody EVER stick up for ME??

I am really struggling today. And feeling very sorry for myself. And hurting.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

One of my abusers died this morning. My day was filled with way too much family stuff and the funeral (which I am expected to go to) is during my therapy time.
How is that I am still expected to go through this ****, why did nobody EVER stick up for ME??

I am really struggling today. And feeling very sorry for myself. And hurting.

I am so sorry to here this. today must be really hard

to be honest, the funeral is a hard one.. when my grandmother died, I was banned from attending her funeral and given the reason " she wouldn't want you their"

couldn't help but feel torn about it.. I mean sure, probably not (she was a nasty woman), but she was family, and I am (or thought) I was family too

but apparently not

in all ghonestly

Possible trigger:

not sure why I am even breathing

I have been awake all night with bad pain and flashbacks, and my only thing I'm doing today is eating some ****ing fruit, all day

I mean it's beyond pointless

feel terrible.

their's just nothing going on, and even if their was what am I meant to do with a body that just hurts.

yesterday I tried a new recipie (the lemon chicken I posted in another section othe forum), it was okay, but left me still hungry, so I first had some fries, and when that didn't feel me up, I had snacks- a lot of snacks.

another night with no sleep either. litirally none. not even the oppotunity to lie down

[*Beth*]

I'm a little bit freaked out. I was speaking with my husband on the phone when suddenly I felt very confused because I wasn't sure which of him I was speaking with. There seemed to be two of him, both exactly the same, but one on the phone and the other somewhere else. It shook me up because for several moments I couldn't recall which of the "2" I was on the phone with. I felt disoriented and a bit panicky, because the sensation was powerful.

Now I'm sensing everyone in pairs. Identical twins...or even more, it feels that each person has twinned him/herself into two, one present, the other somewhere else. Like parallels.

I'm disturbed by this, and not sure what to think.

it's not bheen good!.

yesterday, (after my small and unfilling meal), my overeating went through the roof.

didn't sleep because of the agony in my body, today I had a panic attack (making 6 this week), and I am honestly beyond depressed.

I am meant to be watching a programme about emergency services in the UK. honestly I don't really want to, but, it's that or focus on how emotionally broken/ ugly/ bad I feel.

and I choose the show.

plus: yesterday I did so little (sit on a chair and cry for most of it), watching a show is quite a big step I guess

[Fuzzybear]

hugs

[childofchaos831]

Still around...

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Still around...

I'm glad. not sure what's happened to this thread.. it's very quiet

how are you doing?

I can't even begin to start to describe how depressed I am feeling

litirally nothing (nothing) going on

I sat on a chair and ate snacks today, certainly not a lot to be proud of.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I'm glad. not sure what's happened to this thread.. it's very quiet


how are you doing?

I'm alive, not much to say otherwise

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

I'm alive, not much to say otherwise

I'm alive.... I think.

or am I a ghost

so hard to tell with the little people notice me and the little I do

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I'm alive.... I think.


or am I a ghost


so hard to tell with the little people notice me and the little I do

I notice you and you do a lot for me by talking to me

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

I notice you and you do a lot for me by talking to me

thanks for that

it means a lot

today I found out that my doctor's surgery are not yet willing to give me a new doctor. they tried to patronize me today re: my complaint, and tried to stick up for the doctor when ever they could.

for now, it's still ongoing. I've said that I'm not willing to work with someone who wishes kovid on their patients, and they are saying they are unwilling to give me someone else at this time

so

I am feeling annoyed by a compliment made to me today (I just can't accept compliments)

someone said to me " you don't look like the type of person who would give up", after I told them how much I enjoy linken park's music.

oh if only you knew the half of it... I have been their, I am still their, and I am that type of person.

I just don't see it I guess. I can't see the good in me (if their's any.)

nothing else planned today. I'm litirally only awake because guess what?. I hurt too much to sleep.

it has been raining all night, and, acording to the weather forcast, it's ghere to stay all weekend- glad of that, love rain.

not doing much today (surprise surprise), showered in pain, now sat here doing nothing

later I'll have mcdonalds which of course I am looking forward to. yum yum

but that's it for today

I ate so much my stomach now hurts. that is what I did today and it sucks so much. not that my stomach hurts, *(though it is ow), the fact that not only did I not get any sleep yesterday because of my pain, but my first thought was to sit on my chair and eat candy- not at all productive.