[JanieDoe]

Hi, I am LA and I discovered this account when going through our phone recently. Clearly, we haven’t posted much, but I don’t know a better place to go for support right now.

Our host is struggling a lot lately and won’t reach out to anyone for help. She knows we ought to find a new therapist, but the last therapist she spoke to seemed to waive off things like disassociation as a medical rather than mental issue. Obviously not the right therapist, but she won’t try again.

We have a close friend who is aware of our system, but she refuses to talk to him about things. She is in hard denial and barely acknowledges the rest of us.

I front more than the others in the system and I try to alleviate the host’s stress when I take over, but I also know it terrifies her to lose control. She is so afraid that she will disappear and never resurface. I try to be sneaky about it and not to do anything extreme liking reaching out to friend or finding a therapist because I worry it will set her off in a worse way.

She often says she feels like she is stuck, but she really has no idea that the rest of the system is feeling stuck and barred as well.

~ LA

[Toomixedup]

You are compassionate, not sneaky. You are protecting your life source and you care about keeping your host happy and safe. That is commendable and obviously what gave birth to the system at first, the need to protect. Go on and do what you have been made to do. Protect, reach out. I can be here for you. Your host may not be “pleased” with your looking for help right now, but it is your nature, which can’t be denied. I wish you peace tonight. I myself am sleepless and growing melancholy. Nonetheless I’m here.

[JanieDoe]

I apologize for my latent response, things have been bad here.
Thank you all for the hugs.

Toomixedup, I must say your reply caught me off guard a bit, in a good way. I genuinely appreciate being acknowledged.

You are right, in that I'm here to protect... I am just feeling overwhelmed by the chaos inside and the inability to help without seeming like things are getting worse. I honestly feel at a loss of what to do.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by JanieDoe

Hi, I am LA and I discovered this account when going through our phone recently. Clearly, we haven’t posted much, but I don’t know a better place to go for support right now.

Our host is struggling a lot lately and won’t reach out to anyone for help. She knows we ought to find a new therapist, but the last therapist she spoke to seemed to waive off things like disassociation as a medical rather than mental issue. Obviously not the right therapist, but she won’t try again.

We have a close friend who is aware of our system, but she refuses to talk to him about things. She is in hard denial and barely acknowledges the rest of us.

I front more than the others in the system and I try to alleviate the host’s stress when I take over, but I also know it terrifies her to lose control. She is so afraid that she will disappear and never resurface. I try to be sneaky about it and not to do anything extreme liking reaching out to friend or finding a therapist because I worry it will set her off in a worse way.

She often says she feels like she is stuck, but she really has no idea that the rest of the system is feeling stuck and barred as well.

~ LA

Hi, LA! Thank you for this thread! I might be like your host in a number of ways. Can I use her visitor messages to talk with you? Can we become friends through her user name?

Hosts can have a really hard time so it's good to take it slow with them so that they can take baby-steps to getting comfortable or accepting of other things in the system. Is there any way to communicate with her in a way that gives her a feeling of control?

[Fuzzybear]

[JanieDoe]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Hi, LA! Thank you for this thread! I might be like your host in a number of ways. Can I use her visitor messages to talk with you? Can we become friends through her user name?

Breaking Dawn, thank you for responding, I would love to be friends! Please feel free to message us! I don't get the opportunity to log on every day, however I am trying to make it become more of a habit.

Our host has become aware of what I've been doing on here, and rather than try to stop it she just kind of ignores it and pretends it isn't actually happening... So that's how that's going, hah.

Originally Posted by Multiplicitus

Hosts can have a really hard time so it's good to take it slow with them so that they can take baby-steps to getting comfortable or accepting of other things in the system. Is there any way to communicate with her in a way that gives her a feeling of control?

Multiplicitus, thank you. I do think you're right about baby-steps, but it just feels ungodly slow! I haven't quite figured out something that makes her feel in control. She's basically a control freak, but I really think if she were to just let go of trying to control everything, life would be so much better for all of us. Bleh.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Thinking of you all, LA

[Princess Zelda]

I hope all gets better with your host and your system of Janiedoe stay positive

Zelda- from nightlight system

[JanieDoe]

Hi there…
So this is a bit awkward for me. I’m T, the so-called “host” LA has been talking about here. Firstly, I want to say thank you to all the kind replies, I’m sure LA thinks the same.

Honestly, I’m still not convinced I’m not just making all this up. A lot has been happened this year. Got new “fresh start” (new apartment in a new city, a new job, new people, trying meds for depression), and I am terrified of muffing it up because I’m not always me. I feel like someone has been stealing my time a lot more lately. I’m terrified when I find new bruises & marks, or new items in my home I know I didn’t buy, etc. I’m terrified about opening up to a therapist and being told I’m crazy. Not doing something doesn’t help, but I feel paralyzed by my fears.

I hope you all are doing better than how I’m feeling.