Anyone have Full Fusion?

How did it effect you at first? I think I'm going through full fusion. It feels so foreign. I feel like there are a hundred people co-fronting at once lately. Often I don't know whether to laugh or scream. But yet lately I usually feel warm and comfortable inside like I think most people feel. I think it's great if it's really full fusion. It's something I've been asking for awhile. It's like a whole brain and all the parts becoming one person. No more the anxiety person, or the traumatized angry persecutor, and all the broken parts taking turns.

I haven’t felt little Paul for awhile now.

I’ve been doing so well lately and thought for sure im on the way to full fusion.

But then just a moment ago I got an email from a website saying there was a reply to my question. The problem is, there is zero chance I wrote that question. The grammar is so bad it doesn’t even make sense.

I’m freaking out now! Paul

Just had therapy. I told her about some part of me asking a question on a website and that it was definitely not written by me. I think maybe I am reaching full fushion, and that it was a last gasping attempt for that part/alter to live. Like maybe it’s last gasping breathe. It saddens me. I hope he/she wasn’t in any pain.

I think I have it everyday, only to realize later that what I said or did was not me, the most adult part. Even at last session, my T had mentioned that I did not seem to be in most adult self and vanish, dont remember anything since. I frankly give up on ever feeing whole or one or whatever. decisions dont come easy. plans almost never go as planned so I give up to the other parts of self.

DID seems so interesting but I don't understand it at all. Parts can and often do remain hidden for decades. Some people don't know they have DID until they're 80+. But then what? Does it just get worse, or can it go hidden again?

I'm afraid little Paul will be triggered at the next family gather.