Amnesiatic Dissociative Disorder

This is embarrassing, and I just have to go what my Mamaw, which is what they call a Grandparent here, especially when you are getting as ancient as I am. I have the amnesiatic type of dissociative disorder. It doesn't happen as much as it used to, and when it does I can't remember it. My Mamaw was old school, I cannot even begin to tell you the skills this lady had. I was around 8 years old, when my abuse started and apparently so did the amnesiatic dissociative disorder. She would have been approaching her mid seventies, and they had a group that got together called a quilting Bee. Apparently while she and two of the members of her quilting Bee were in her kitchen sewing and working. I had one of these things. I had no idea what had happened, but the kitchen they were in, here comes my little 8yo bottom, and she had a large trash can sitting beside the refrigerator. I apparently walked walked in the kitchen to this trash can, in front of these three old women, and promptly took a whizz in the trash can. She told me about it later and was laughing a great deal over it. She thought I was sleepwalking. What she found so funny was that one of the ladies in her quilting Bee was named Anna B., almost everyone down here had two names back then. She apparently told the other ladies, I would surely never have a problem finding a wife. Oh my gosh, that was 45 years ago and I still find it embarassing.

I've been told I have dissociative amnesia as part of a larger PTSD-dissociative subtype.

I have a lot of missing memories from when I get triggered, and my inpatient doc said I had this because I was sitting in the common area and she came up to me and I guess we talked for a bit and I left and played foosball with someone after, but the next day she asked about what I thought about what she said yesterday and I said I thought she had the day off and the guy covering didn't see me (which would be feasible because that guy and I have a bad past, they don't assign him to me anymore, but he still covers occasionally but he ignores me, anyways...). This was kind of a "oh yeah, something triggered her and she has no memory of what happened," moment for her. After I got discharged and read my note online from that day that meeting came back.

That's kinda how it goes for me anyways.

Are you saying you didn't know it happened after the event until now, as dissociative amnesia goes? Or are you trying to get across something else?

I started dissociating really bad at 13. I started getting anxious around girls then I got really sick, felt really strange and couldn't feel anything around my friends or family anymore and became VERY detached from myself (I couldn't feel myself and I couldn't talk anymore - I couldn't put words and sentences together to save my life) and developed derealization very bad (I didn't feel real and everything around me seemed unreal which is very hard to understand, I know).
Psychologists have told me that an event triggers dissociation but I really don't believe getting anxious at 13 triggered it. I had all 4 stages of dissociation in my teens, 20's, 30's mainly being that I had EXTREME trouble identifying with myself (I guess this is called dissociative amnesia) throughout my entire life and I'm 60 now and still struggling very bad. I especially have trouble identifying with myself when I'm around people (I can't find anything to say around people). I just figured what happened to me maybe 10 yrs ago when I did research online and I've talked about it with tons of therapists and psychiatrists since then and none of them will discuss it. And my parents NEVER got me help in my teens/20's. (My best friend in HS asked my brother what happened to me!)

I told the head psychiatrist at Johns Hopkins all of this (and that I developed severe mood/anxiety disorders as a teen) 3 yrs ago and told him it damaged my personality and took away everything I had going for me (humor, all my qualities) and he was completely dumbfounded! He didn't say one word!!! I lost all of my neighborhood, high school and college friends because I couldn't hold a conversation.(I was perfectly fine before I was 13 with lots of friends and very happy.)

My experience over the last 35 yrs is that the mental health system doesn't work at all! All hospitals and Drs have done with me is experiment with me (5 trials of ECT, every medication and diagnosis with no relief). I don't think there's a solution for all of this...

I dissociate also. Yup, so..... crap I forgot what I was going to say about this. I was told I had different kinds of dissociation. Its very disorienting when I don't remember where I was or how I got there.
Sorry. I really did have something to say about this but its gone...out of my head.