[RozG]

Sorry if anybody takes offense at this post but I have to get this off my chest. Also, sorry if I use the wrong words to describe things but I'm comfortable with the phrases myself and my doc use.

So here goes...

A lot of stuff I've read about D.I.D. doesn't make sense to me as that's not the way it is for me. So I can't really relate to it and I worry that even others with D.I.D. will find me too weird.

I.e. I never have any awareness at the time (or memory afterward) of being "different". A lot of people talk about being aware but say it's like watching someone else. That's never happened to me - I'm just not there!

Also, when my "little ones" are out they don't have the same capabilities as me. They don't have the capability to do things like come online. Their capabilities are limited by their age. I.e. "Baby" can't talk, she's too young. Sunshine is pre-school and barely speaks any English, she speaks my mother tongue which I can barely remember. "Rosie" doesn't understand even simple technology like phones, t.v.'s as though she's never seen any. etc etc

Okay, am I just TOO weird for not having any awareness, and are my "little ones" too weird too?

Maybe I've been mis-diagnosed or maybe the diagnosis/ symptoms just haven't been explained to me properly?

[Zorah]

It's ok, don't worry

We are all different , in our differentness.

the first part is just like it was for us, we've never heard of anyone who does it like in the books & movies we never had any memories, just blanks, "lost time" as they say.

but with the second part, our littles did learn new skills from watching the bigs. like Seven learned to drive the car she's an awful driver, but she can do it if she has to, sort of, & the littles have learned to use 'puter, this is a mixed blessing, as sometimes they post without us knowing

Don't worry about it, seriously, just talk about whatever you feel like & let any alters that can use the computer do the same

No-one here cares about your dx anyway, but we also don't know anyone who didn't think they might have been mis-diagnosed at first, we thought that too

You are no wierder than the rest of us, take our word for this

PM us any time, if you have questions or want to talk, we are happy to discuss this, don't go away, this place has helped us massively.

[pegasus]

(((((((((((( Kalamity Jane )))))))))))

Perfectly normal to be confused!

I don't know how long you have been in therapy for but getting awareness of the other parts takes time in my experience.

I have been in therapy for over 6 years, when I started therapy I had no awareness of any parts of self. Now, I have much more awareness of which part is upfront but not always. It may be a few days later that I realise that a different part was in charge.

The fact that you know a bit about your other parts, the different capabilities of the littles is a good start. And with good therapy more awareness will come.

Also DID is rare so doctors often misdiagnose, it's good that you already know that you are DID and have a good Doctor to help you.

Take care.

[bipolar_bear]

You are not wierd at all. All of us have different experiences. I don't have awareness and lose time frequently when I switch. It has only been through journaling that I am getting to know the others.

You are welcome here just and who you are. I understand about the feeling of being misdiagnosed.

BB

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((Kalamity_Jane)))))))))))))))))

Everyone's experiences are so different due to different experiences in their own lives. I think here at PC, we try to accept everyone where they are right now.

My T has said that she has talked with parts that are in this time warp thing (my words, not hers). She said "I" talked about someone who, according to the knowledge I have, has been dead for nearly 20 years and yet apparently the conversation she had with this part was a present day conversation with that part only from long ago, stuck in that time (not sure if that made sense). Sometimes in T, I have found myself in corners with a blanket over my head, or hiding in her closet but I've always found myself in places like that so I think it's normal for me .

My T and I email almost daily, but once in session she told me that she had had a conversation with "me" and mentioned something about computers and email. She said I told her I had no idea what that word computer or email were. She said she tried to explain it to "me" but apparently I thought she was crazy lol. So I understand what you're saying.

But, there have been times where I will read someone's post, get ready to respond and then see a post that "I" have written and I am thinking what the heck, I haven't posted yet!

I have had a couple experiences where I have been aware as I was gone, but it's not the norm for me, though I want so desperately for it to be . One time I felt like I was sitting in the back of my head and watching me running outside playing. This was last year but it was such a shock that I still remember it. When I read about other people knowing, it makes me wonder if that's what it's like. That experience was amazing to me. It was like I was watching a different little girl just running and playing. Just amazing being able to experience that. But I've only had it happen a couple times.

I don't think you're weird at all. I dare say no one else here will either. My advice is to just stick with your T. Mine knows more about me than I do. Mostly I learn about other parts from her and because of that, as I become more aware of what goes on around me, I'm starting to see patterns of parts (if that makes sense).

It's a slow process for me because I'm a scaredy cat. I don't do change well (even good change takes a huge toll). I denied, and still often deny my life and what happens in it. Because of that, I think it takes longer for me to get from point A to point B in therapy. T said it's okay though. She said my whole life is about secrets (including secrets held from myself) and it's not going to go away overnight.

As you trust your T more, you'll make the progress needed to get to where you want to be in life. Hang in there. PM me if you want.

[RozG]

Thanx, you're all wicked, feel a bit better now.

[iamtwilight]

Totally understand, I feel the same way, being "too different from what is considered to be DID" but on the other hand there's just so many symptoms that do fit the description.

Though there is the possibility that my psychosis is making the whole thing up.

Anyway, whichever way, there's hope.

If it's just psychosis, it will go away with time. If it's DID, then.. I'm just going to have to keep going to therapy, trying to make the most out of it, and eventually be diagnosed with DID and maybe even integrate.

I noticed you're in the UK, are the resources there as pitiful as in Finland? I know only three people in Finland who have been diagnosed with DID, and it's really not recommended to go suggesting to your therapist that you have DID around here (would probably send you to the loony ward right away hehe).. But I keep believing that once the diagnosis has been made, the proper treatment will be given.

Keep your head up high Kalamity Jane, things will get better and as time passes you will understand more about yourself.

[RozG]

Hi Katie,

Yes, resources here (at least in my part of the U.K.) are pitiful, virtually non-existant but doctors (the ones I've seen anyway) are understanding and my friends here don't think it's weird at all, they're very supportive.

Keep your head up too!

to you