[Kendyll]

They've all agreed - the Protector and I can go out for an evening. Kind of a date. So now why am I starting to think this is a bad thing?

The guys each tell me that it's OK for me to like to spend time with each of them. I do. I like them all, love them all. Different facets of the same man. It does feel strange to have...separate relationships...with them. And I feel guilty when they each tell me that they don't want to give up control because they love how they feel with me. I don't want them fighting over me.

At first we thought that it might be good for me to understand them as individuals. And it's great, in some ways - we all have a relationship now. Jonny joked last night that I'm part of the system now, too. Was he joking? I have so much to learn, and I just don't want to cause trouble. Everyone is communicating better amongst themselves, and the switches are getting to be more...consensual? Co-conscious? They aren't afraid of each other anymore. But they all tell me that they're falling in love with me.

So is date night for Jonathan a good idea or a bad one? I made the offer because it's tough to be the hard-*** all the time...He deserves to smile, too. I wasn't (and am not) trying to single him out - Jonny was just too young for a "date" and I don't know where there's a good go-kart track 'round here. i just worry now that if they're starting to work together that maybe it would be wrong for me to encourage them to split up like that.

I would love to hear opinions, experience, ideas? Has anyone done this sort of thing, and how did it work out? What are your thoughts? Am I just being completely wrong?