[___Shadow___]

My husband tried to talk to one alter today after a fight and i fought it all the way. Do u think i should let him just talk to her and her him? I feel so out of control let a lone what she will say. I've always been scared of what my husband wouldd think of me but if he talked to her would he see me badly, so i say no to her and that she can only tell me. BUT my head is so full and it might feel good, i don't know. Does this work for you?

[Kiya]

I don't know. i don't usually have a choice who the alters speak to when they have a mind to.

Nor do i have a husband.

Best to you and your decision!! kiya

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((Shadow))))))))))))) Wow, what a dilemma. Like Kiya, I don't feel like there is ever a choice in when I switch. However, I have talked to some other people who do have that control so I wonder if it's something I can learn to do as I get more awareness and co-conscious.

Hmm, as I sit here and think about it, T has talked to parts and I do think I have to give up some control for it sometimes. After all, it's one brain and it was designed pretty intricately for dealing with everything. Just as our brains somehow began this process of splitting, our brains hold the key to healing and other things too. I don't know. I need to think on that some more about my own brain. Thank you for bringing this subject up.

Is your husband understanding about parts? It would be hard to feel safe after a fight, in my opinion and that alone would make me want to keep the control. But if husband understands and accepts parts, and you know through it all that he is a safe person, perhaps it would be a good thing for him to know all of you.

My husband has passed, but I do think he knew about, if not talked to, the parts. He just did not have a name for what was going on. So it might be that your husband has talked with some before? I guess it all comes down to the question of how much you trust husband.

Well, that wasn't much help, I'm so sorry. I do think there are pros and cons to letting her talk to husband. Perhaps writing them down would make things more clear. Would you feel comfortable showing husband the pros and cons list? That in itself might tell if you trust him enough to talk to all of you.

Please take care and keep us posted.

[Kendyll]

I talk with my BFs alters a lot. We all get along OK. I think it helps sometimes. I can pass messages when they aren't communicating so well, and sometimes they know things he doesn't. I love him singly and in multiple. We're all in this together, so we may as well get to know each other.

I don't know why your H would want to talk with anyone else after a fight, tho. That doesn't sound right to me. Can you ask him why?

[wanttoheal]

I was just thinking about my own brain. I think mine is trigger based and so switching occurs when I am triggered. In a fight with me, husband would have been talking to another part anyway because fighting scares me (but from what I've heard, there is a part of me that will do what is necessary in that area). I think T has said that sometimes, she doesn't realize until later that she had talked to several parts of me.

We're all so different though in how our brains handle things. There is no wrong or right way. I think it just depends on how our brains were made and the surrounding events that formed how we handle things.

Ah, just rambling thoughts. Kendyll did bring up a good question. What was his purpose of wanting to talk to other parts upon the conclusion of a fight?

[___Shadow___]

Hi, He(bf) wanted to talk to may more playful side when I was being bumbed that this switching happens. I didn't feel it was an attack or anything, just wanted some fun. I may try since I have awareness and co-conscious most of the time. I'm just really scared. I seem to blank out if I just let things be as they will instead of just trying to remain as much as Me as I can. At least if I struggle to be up front I hear whats going on but not much feel inless I'm really there.
Thanks for all your idea: I will try the Pro's and Con's first, I think.

[wanttoheal]

That's great that you are co-conscious and I'm glad that husband seems to have been trying to cheer you up.

Good luck with the Pro's and Con's. Let us know how it goes.