[jeNeTeConnaisPas]

I have counted, and I think unless I concentrated and tried to figure it out, I wouldn't remember them otherwise, 30 + Alters in my system.

I know all their names, and how they act, and I was just wondering if anyone else prior to some DID treatment are just "good at co-conciousness" ? Most of my alters are unaware of eachother, but I was wondering if its common for the host to be aware of all of the alter's existence.

I am the host pushing through, I never get to come out except in strings of thought. I don't know where I am. I'm confused and wondered, if it matters just that I know about all of my alters, or if its more important that THEY know of eachother, so that I can become intergrated someday?

Very tired, and Struggling to stay,
JeNeTeConnaisPas

[Zorah]

There.are.quite.a.few.questions.there.JeNeTeConnaisPas....

It.is.quite.unusual.to.have.a.host.who.is.aware.of.the.alters.but.that.is.not.co-consciousness

30+.alters.is.not.that.unusual.before.integration.begins.

the.alters.must.meet.&.talk.to.each.other.for.you.to.attain.co-consciousness.

Are.you.in.therapy?

Have.you.identified.the.triggers.that.produce.the.alters?

[jeNeTeConnaisPas]

I am in therapy and I'm afraid of hurting the therapist. I don't know why I am the way I am I just know that sometimes I dont know what to do.

I probably shouldnt be the one answering this, sorry-

I don't know the triggers, or even anything about why or what alter comes out. I've been to therapy once, going to be going every week.

I wonder if we should be put back in the hospital, a bunch of crazy stuff has been going on. It's just that they don't like to keep us very long. I'm thinking about killing myself. Perhaps I should have us go.

my mind hurts me so badly sometimes

[Zorah]

Go.to.the.hospital.NOW

please

[jeNeTeConnaisPas]

I am trying to convince my mother to take me to the ER to be evaluated, yet she doesn't seem to think I need to be hospitalized. That violent alter lastnight kept going on and on about "im going to kill my whole family, all my friends, and everyone i've ever met and then I am going to kill myself" And needless-to-say I was very frightened, and on top of that I still feel ambiguously suicidal. Im going to try my best to NOT kill myself, and hopefully someone can get us admitted soon.

-Scriabin

[multipixie9]

Dear frenchy(your name is a killer i dont understand french) take care of you. Be safe. Choose life it will get better. I did. My life was totally horrible and it did get better.

Push for hospital. Make them take you. Tell them the violent thoughts. Please, please,please ,please do not hurt yourself. Do not. You matter and all parts matter. Fight for life not death. You do not have to hurt anyone.

I think your part who is so angry is trying to tell you he/she just can't stand life like it is anymore. You matter, life mattes. Do not hurt yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH, BY THE WAY, I'VE LOST TRACK OF HOW MANY ALTS I HAVE. SOME ARE ALTS WITH A FUNCTION LIKE A PROTECTOR OR GUARD OR BUFFER OR DISTRACTOR AND OTHERS HAVE MORE OPEN PERSONALITY AND AGE AND STUFF. LETS JUST SAY I NEVER GET BORED! (IRONY)

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((jeNeTeConnaisPas))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry you are struggling so much right now. I hope things calm down for you soon.