[Symphony]

You may call me Symphony, the name refers to all of us here. The chorus refers to the main group of alters who live our life, and the company consists of the occasional guests who would rather keep in the background.

I have been looking for a safe website for all of us to take part in, I hope we find what we're looking for here.

I am the oldest in the system, the "adult" as it may be. I have been in charge of making the life work.
Over the past year one of the teenage alters has become more dominate and I have been out very infrequently ever since she has 'taken over'. Because of this there is little I can do to control the workload anymore. When I am out, most of my time is spent finding out who has been doing what, who needs what, what does the body need, etc. There is little time for me to clean the bedroom, organize laundry, or to stick to any sort of schedule.

My life has relied on schedules, lists, organization and keeping the house in sane condition. Now I have no ability to do these things and the others in the system are in disarray, the home too. Our teenager is doing as well as can be expected from a young teen, but this is not functional enough. There is very little communication. There is no puppet master anymore; guiding the others, telling them what to do. I am limited to doing only what I can in the physical world when I can.

Has anyone else been struggling with this? What have you found to help with this?

I would really love to be in charge again, but I know the teenager needs the dominance for now in order to learn and grow. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you,

[BeckyC]

Hey... I have found that when an alter like my teen takes over for great amounts of time it is usually because she is in need of something that i haven't made myself aware of. And she is not responsible enough to continue my daily (adult)routine so i have to try and spend some time trying to connect too her to find out the resons behind that behavior. And that can be hard at times when i am not able to connect with her. I hope this offers some insight to your situation. It is comforting to know i am not alone in these situations

[Symphony]

I think I would have to agree I am not connected to her. I know we are splits of each other, but I in no way feel a closeness to her at all. I only know what she does and the things she thinks, but she is to me a familiar stranger.

I'm not sure if I correctly implied that the teen is out nearly all the time (save for the times when other alters interrupt "her" life, much to her annoyance). I believe what's needed is some sort of routine, but she of course rejects the idea of structure (unless it is SHE who structures it). Teens

[multipixie9]

something i read recently put me in mind of how much internal power struggles and forms of arguing go on.

i am only able to offer theory on this because my system is working in the dark and i can't always communicate very well as a result of it.

the suggestion is to do all you possibly can to get some communication started with her, helping her see your appreciation for her efforts and offering to help her keep it together. point being to minimize power plays and fights between alters and doing all you can to bring esteem, respect, affection, admiration, love to the inner parts.

for a long time i was somewhat hostile to my insiders, i wanted them to get out of my way and let me deal with life and i was neither kind nor respectful. things went downhill and got really bad inside. my T more and more kept pounding this issue until i realized my bad attitude toward the insiders was creating lots of pain and problems. the more i learn to love and respect my others the more we are getting along and cooperating with each other. it takes time.

please keep coming back, seek all the help you want and support you need. there's lots of great people here from all kinds of background and issues - lots to learn and experience, you are welcome here.

leslie and her pixies

[wanttoheal]

Hi (((((((((((((((Symphony))))))))))))) Welcome to Psych Central.

I understand having to work from lists and notes, etc. Do you have a therapist to help? I get a lot of information here from T due to amnestic barriers. Perhaps the teen needs a voice right now? Does writing to her help at all?

Sorry I'm not a lot of help here, but I wanted to let you know I care and want to support you.

[Symphony]

We have a therapist, but one of our teenagers voiced last session that she was thinking about discontinuing visits. (She claims that seeing the T, working on communication between us, is causing her life to be more complicated.)

I am having a hard time understanding this because first she wants to have more communication with us, and next she is rejecting the (little) communication that we have worked to establish?

I no longer have time in sessions, nor am I willing to take over (the others will let me do all of the talking for them whenever I take part). The small amount of T time we have each week usually involves our younger teenager (the one I've mentioned in this thread), and a handful of others from our chorus (another teenager, a protective teen, the quiet fragment, or one of the littles.)

I wonder what it is that I can do for them, now that I've left the chorus and joined the company in the background. So far I've taken a very passive stance, avoiding the conflicts between the teenagers, I'm trying not to cause any further disarray.

Writing has been a source of communication between myself and the T when it is needed. Occasionally other alters will write to the T if they know they will not speak to her in person.

-interrupted, will continue later-