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Old Oct 17, 2008, 08:34 PM
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multipixie9 multipixie9 is offline
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thursday before last at my T's office i remembered the worst memory of ritual abuse i've had. something hideous. i've been dealing with it. this week when i went to T's something really good happened. i realized this abuse incident explained why all hope died in me at age 9. i literally never dreamed/hoped again - just survived day to day. the abusers programmed me to be driven to achieve and with a conflicting program to panic and fail.they regularly programmed me with double bind, no win opposing commands and i've felt tortured for 46 year by this and these last two years i've slowed down to a crawl and then to a stop. i've not been able to do things i need to do at all, even simple housework. it's felt horrible for a long time inside where no one but me and my alts could see/feel this.

At my time with my T, carolyn God helped me see the pattern of self-destructive programming and begin to take it apart where i can actually learn how to dream, have a goal and make a way to achieve it without conflicting demands undermining my every effort.

i know we try to be careful about speaking of God here because some like me were abused by people who claimed God was in on the abuse, but i couldn't explain how things happened for me this week without mentioning his help. my ritualistic abusers claimed that God was there abusing me with them and all sorts of sadistic cruelties - which was a totally heinous lie! if it were not for God i would have died in my teens from the abuse.

you've all been kind and supportive of me and i wanted to share the good news when it came. i will have to learn some new things and change some but this truly seems to be the start of something wonderful in my life. thanks for all your support!!!

leslie and her pixies
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  #2  
Old Oct 17, 2008, 09:14 PM
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SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
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As if you didn't know how I feel about your breakthrough! LOL YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!!!
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Thanks for this!
multipixie9
  #3  
Old Oct 17, 2008, 10:18 PM
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sabby sabby is offline
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(((((((((((((((( multipixie9 ))))))))))))))))))

I'm so very happy for you sweety!! That is a huge discovery and one that I hope will bring you much ease and comfort along your healing path. Well done hon.....well done!


sabby
Thanks for this!
multipixie9
  #4  
Old Oct 17, 2008, 11:13 PM
wanttoheal wanttoheal is offline
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((((((((((((((Multipixie)))))))))))))) I think it's wonderful that you've figured out this information. I think it's key to healing.

I understand about the religious stuff. A lot has happened here in that regard.

It sounds like things are changing for the better. I'm so glad.

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Thanks for this!
multipixie9
  #5  
Old Oct 17, 2008, 11:55 PM
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(((((((((((leslie))))))))))))))
always good to have good news =)
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Good News - but it still may *trigger*alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
  #6  
Old Oct 18, 2008, 02:34 AM
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multipixie9 multipixie9 is offline
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thank you all for sharing my good news, it only makes it more special when i get to tell it to my friends here. you all have been kind to me in some angry and hurt and depressed days; i'm so glad to have good news now. i don't want to only share the tough times. i still feel bone tired but i know i am going to get to change and grow, thanksgiving came early at my home! HUGS !

((((((((((SEPTEMBERMORN)))))))))))
(((((((((((SABBY)))))))))))
(((((((((((KIYA)))))))))))
((((((((((((WANTTOHEAL))))))))))

THANKS ALL @ PC.COM !!!

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Old Oct 18, 2008, 03:34 AM
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silentandscared silentandscared is offline
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((((((((((((multipixie))))))))))))

wow how truely wonderful for you
hopes and dreams and goals too
l hope that they are all that you wish for
that they all come true
and so with it will come inner peace and harmony
you truely deserve it hunny

love always
mandyx

it lifts my heart to share this good news with you
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Good News - but it still may *trigger*
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish....
few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
  #8  
Old Oct 18, 2008, 06:30 AM
Luce Luce is offline
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This sounds like such a powerful breakthrough, Leslie. Getting through that double bind programming is something we have struggled with for so long, too.

I hope this new learning leads you to a whole new realm of possibilities, options and successes in your life. After all the hard work you have done to overcome the traumas you experienced you sure do deserve it. Thanks so much for sharing - it gives me hope that healing and breaking through all the programming really can occur.
  #9  
Old Oct 18, 2008, 07:11 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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((((((((((((((( Leslie and Pixies )))))))))))))))))

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  #10  
Old Oct 18, 2008, 08:00 AM
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bipolar_bear bipolar_bear is offline
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(((((((((((((((((((((((Leslie and the pixies)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) It is so nice to hear of your healing and growth. I am glad you found solace in your beliefs.

BB
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  #11  
Old Oct 18, 2008, 11:58 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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This is great Leslie, I am so happy for you!
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

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  #12  
Old Oct 18, 2008, 02:14 PM
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iamtwilight iamtwilight is offline
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(((leslie & the pixies)))

so very glad to read that.


twilight
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  #13  
Old Oct 20, 2008, 06:23 AM
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multipixie9 multipixie9 is offline
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i really do appreciate all the support you all give to me. it is something i do not take for granted because it has seldom been my experience!

hugs to you all,

(((((silentandscared)))))
(((((luce))))))
((((((fuzzybear)))))
((((((bipolarbear)))))
(((((sannah)))))
(((((iamtwilight)))))

i hope to be here to hear of all your breakthroughs and joy!
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