[Tormented_Lilah]

<font color="#FF6EC7">Well..I'm not entirely certain as to why I am posting this. But I am.

Recently, my life seems to have gotten better...and yet, I wander has it really gotten all that much better. It's spring time, or the weather seems it. My favorite season, I love the warmth of the sun. I feel like though, that I am in a dream and a haze. Recently I talked to the couseler about my issues and problems. I also told her about the others. She wanted to speak to Lee, but I told her that wouldn't be a good idea because Lee most likely would have called her names or attempted to hurt her. Thous, she didn't meet lee. I told her that I've been doing research on things, and been reading books. I feel now that she is going to assume me a liar and that I'm copying out of the books...I'm not even sure myself that what's going on is even true. I don't loose time, but the others do exist. I always watch. I'm not entirely sure if it's the same...though. Actually, I myself am pretty certain I'm just faking everything in order to get attention...but I really don't know. Other parts of me don't think that. Asides from the school counseler, I should be getting to see a real T soon. She ( the school counseler ) called the white house again, and they said they'd be calling by Friday and to call them if they haven't called. I really want to see them, I have alot of problems...I see them, but I don't know how to fix them. I'm starting to loose it in Algebra. This will be the second year I take it, and I still don't get it. It's making me feel stupid. I have a test tommorrow in the class...and also one in science. I don't know if I can pull the good grades up. Sometimes I wish I could really loose time, instead of just watch, sometimes...I just don't want to be there. I wander if one of the others likes to do math. I don't, but they might. Got alot of things to do on my to-do list. Most relate to art, but some relate to myself and other people. My relationship with Amberly is pretty well back to normal, but I feel very bad that the attention I used to get from being melodramatic is now gone. I tend to crave attention, it seems. Or well, not me, but another. I guess you could say the one who craves attention is Lilah...

My question is...Could I really have something of that sort ? like DID...? I seem to think not. But still...that doesn't explain why Lee and the others exist. And Lee's been around since before I knew anything about anything. Since 4th grade or before...

There are cuts on my wrist from where lee cut me. The counseler knows about those also. Dagger says she can see the word " Cant " in the cuts. That's pretty weird, I cant see anything like that. Just cuts.

I feel bad also, that the people on this forum stopped replying to all of my post. I really looked forward to all the comments and support, and I don't really like making new topics...as there isnt much to make new things on. But oh well...I guess I used this site as a place to find support...since I have no body to talk to in real life.

My father wants me to talk to him...yet when I try...he yells at me.

There's alot more to say then what I've said right here, but I think I'll close this post for now. I don't know why I posted it, or what I hope to get from it...but oh well... </font>

((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))),

I don't have the answers for you, but I wanted you to know I'm listening. Hang in there. Journaling is a good way that I get to the real emotions. There is something about writing that if I do it for long enough, I get down to the real deal. Please stay safe.

[fairygirl]

i hope we did this right

well i do lose time but can identify with the am i making this up part that will come with a dx but dont forget most folks with did do not get a correct dx right away
some of the others went crazy in school were admitted to drug programs but tested negative for drug use go figure outside people rarely understand
still i and others often wonder how real this is or is it some fantasy or something for attention dont know how to get over it but ifn we do well let you know was dx 5 years ago still trying to get right treatment you just have to be patient and keep trying i think its great that you are always watching i am working on that with my t right now trying to stay even if someone else is there
its very brave of you to try to get help at your age we just did our best to hide it and most of the time still do its nice to know our thoughts are shared by outsiders

kc

[RhysMadison]

DID or other diss. disorders are so hard to diagnose & are often misdiagnosed. Some docs don't even believe DID exists! It's not up to us to say you are DID or not. That's something a therapist must determine after excluding all other possibilities. Ours do mimic drug use! All thought I was on drugs 'cos I acted 'weird'. I've never even tried drugs! Ignorance is out there as well. I go by what my T does, she doesn't care for labels as most are so outta this world, but rather try to focus on the problem. Whether it be from DID or just plain ol' depression.
Hope this didn't confuse you anymore. Glad you posted this. It helps to understand yourself when you talk it over w/ others.
Love,
RhysMadison

[Tormented_Lilah]

Thankyou very much, guys. n.n