Who's in charge?

There is a part of me that I would really love to have as my default. She's grown up and confident and centered. She is NOT my default, but she does get to be in charge more these days.

This morning, for example, I am off to do something with my mom and brother. It is something I expected to do by myself (a 5K run) but it turns out my brother will also be running and my mom will be there too. I am a bit of a wreck. Scared, little me is going to be going to the race now. ick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone been able to change this? Or is it just a part of integrating all of the parts of myself?

(((((earthmama)))))

dear em, i am TOTALLY IMPRESSED with YOU for doing a 5k run. that is something i can't do for physical reasons. i hope you do get to enjoy the time outdoors and the happy coolness of all those people running. hooray for you!!!!!!!!!

as for your question, i honestly do not know about whether or not you could change your "default setting" for the host position of your group of alts.

what i am hearing in therapy is that over time my alts (i'm host) and i can get to know each other better and can compromise and work together better.

i've had lots of conflict in my system and i've heard that is pretty much like everyone has it. part of what therapy is to do is to help us all get to know each other better and learn to heal and learn to work together for the good of ALL.

i also know that i do not know as much as i once thought i knew. i've got a long way to go and lots of changes to go through, BUT compared to where i used to be right now is really good!!!

When you read this I hope you will take a minute to stop, hug yourself and sincerely congratulate yourself on taking part in a challenging 5k run - THAT IS AWESOME, EM!!!!!!!

WHOO HOO!!!
EARTHMAMA,
YOU ROCK!!!!!

LESLIE AND PIXIES (wishing i could do what you did today!)

Hi EM, I just see it as you getting triggered with your unresolved feelings from when you were a child. When these feelings get triggered it takes you back and feels so real. Discussing these triggers and feelings in therapy will help them heal so that they won't be triggered anymore and then you can stay in the present with the adult that you are.

((((((((((( earthmama ))))))))))))

We can't guarantee which part is in charge although some parts are better at some things than others. But with therapy of course we find out that all the parts are ok and can do the most amazing and wonderful things.

I'm sorry you were triggered but I do hope your run went well.