[onlymedid]

I wasn't going to make a split decision and I was going to try to get through another week at my new position before I make a rash decision, but that is not going to happen. Not only do I feel it's not fair for them to put time and energy into making me work when I am not all there, but I also feel like another week is not going to make anything better...only worse.

I sat with everyone inside today to figure out what I can do to help things get better and the one thing they all agreed on is me just being there with them. I haven't been able to even ask them how they are doing. The little that has felt suicidal is not feeling as bad. The one with the attitude is hiding under a blanket and won't even talk to the only person she talks to (the teen). The teen is.... not as upset with me. The elder is glad that I am finally taking care of myself and not caring so much about what everyone at work will think of me.

I suppose it's like any family, the kids and family need to come first. I am sacrificing myself and any possible future growth in this company, but it is well worth it right now.

My husband is very supportive and just wants me to make the best decision possible for me to be happy and less stressed.

It's very hard for me to go in and tell them that I need to back down. I don't really know how I am going to say it. I think I will just tell them that there are some medical issues that have arisen. I don't know how to tell them that I feel bad for wasting their time and energy when they could have been training someone else.

Anyways, that is where I am at right now. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.

[Elysium]

Hi...

Best wishes for you tomorrow. I believe that anytime someone makes a decision to take care of themselves first, it is a wise decision.

Take your time...you may find that later down the road something greater will come along.

Take care...

[turquoisesea]

I hope this can reduce stress and help the inner family to come together

[Monty_girl]

I hope everything went OK today. I think your doing really good self care. GOOD JOB

[onlymedid]

Thank you for all of your support. I went to work today and stepped down. They were really kind about it and I am going back to my old position starting tomorrow morning. I feel badly for letting everyone down, but feel a lot has been taken off my chest, too.

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

Thank you for all of your support. I went to work today and stepped down. They were really kind about it and I am going back to my old position starting tomorrow morning. I feel badly for letting everyone down, but feel a lot has been taken off my chest, too.

I don't think you let anyone down!! You know your limits right now, and if you stretched yourself too far it would have made your life more difficult and that in the long run would have had an impact on your job and possibly your co-workers.

Most importantly here, YOU DIDN'T LET YOURSELF DOWN!! Good for you for standing up for what you need!! That is one of the most difficult things to do at times!!

[onlymedid]

Thanks Elysium3006! I talked to T today about how this 'taking care of myself' is making me feel crappy and she said that it's pretty normal because it is a new thing. It is VERY hard for me to take care of ME when I am used to taking care of everyone else and trying to make everyone else happy.

You are right.....I didn't let myself down! YAY for me!

[Kiya]

good for you! How are you feeling about it now? Is your work supportive? I think you did well.
kiya =)

[Jewels]

im so very proud of u for takin care of urself...what a testimony that is that u r able ta stand up for urself an decline a position which woulda probably been too difficult ta do with all the other stuff u r doin...an im glad that u have gotten back in touch with ur insiders an r takin care of them too...u did good!!!

abbi of jewels

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by Kiya

good for you! How are you feeling about it now? Is your work supportive? I think you did well.
kiya =)

Thanks, Kiya! I went to work today with my head down and my hat over my eyes because I was feeling so ashamed, but by the end of the day my head was held high. My co-workers and other "higher ups" (especially the site director) were soooo supportive, kind and understanding!!! I was SHOCKED! It was wonderful and now I don't feel badly.

I feel ok about my decision now. I think that I *could* have done it, but I didn't *want* to do it. That was a big thing is that I made a decision based upon what myself and the others needed.....not what "should" be done....ya know?

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by Jewels

im so very proud of u for takin care of urself...what a testimony that is that u r able ta stand up for urself an decline a position which woulda probably been too difficult ta do with all the other stuff u r doin...an im glad that u have gotten back in touch with ur insiders an r takin care of them too...u did good!!!

abbi of jewels

Thank you Abbi! It was hard to do, but caring for myself was important and I just had to realize it. The insiders have calmed down quite a bit and they are playing more.

Thank you for caring!

[Elysium]

Glad to hear that you had a good day. Good work on your self care!!

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((onlymedid))))))))))))))) You did an awesome job figuring out what was best and following through! Good job on self care.

I really struggle with doing that, but I'm hopeful that I will learn. I tend to keep doing, keep going, no matter how detrimental it might be to my mind and/or body. I don't know how to do what is best for me or for other parts of me. Sometimes I can make choices that are helpful to me if it is obvious that it will benefit my children or other people more but if I can only see how it benefits me, I can't seem to do it. I hope to get to where I can make decisions based on what is best for me and my system one day.

Good job to you and thanks for keeping us posted.

[Hunny]

Onlymedid:

Reading your post tonight has really encouraged me and made a lot of sense.

Thank you for being so open.

IS