[FireBird]

I'm putting it in the "dissociative" section because it might be that, but to be honest, I'm not sure of anything at this point. I feel like I'm not really here, just dead, but if I thought I was truly dead...it would be a "delusion." My body when walking feels like its not me....its moving on its own. I'm not standing outside my body or anything like that though. I also have this "drunk" feeling but not having alcohol feeling, feeling floaty. When I'm reading I see the words but it looks like a different language (but don't worry...obviously I still can read and type). Its been happening more often, especially since the DID started up again. It started around that time....a few weeks ago. Everything seems dark (maybe this is part of my severe depression that I am experiencing right now) even though its bright and sunny outside. (well, not this second of course as it IS night time!) My speech has also become affected, I can't get the words out correctly, once again....drunk sounding or saying the totally wrong word! Also, a new symptom popped up today, it feels like I'm drowning except there's no water...I mean it has the same EXACT feeling as water going up your nose and body! I never heard of such a symptom before, I mean I've heard of people feeling like they are dying (as in a panic attack) but it ain't the same thing. Everything around me appears "fake" and same thing for the world. Some of these things I never heard of before, or am I the first case????? (Especially the words looking like a different language thing! And the drowning without water thing). So, what am I experiencing?????? And how do I fix it???

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by FireBird

I'm putting it in the "dissociative" section because it might be that, but to be honest, I'm not sure of anything at this point. I feel like I'm not really here, just dead, but if I thought I was truly dead...it would be a "delusion." My body when walking feels like its not me....its moving on its own. I'm not standing outside my body or anything like that though. I also have this "drunk" feeling but not having alcohol feeling, feeling floaty. When I'm reading I see the words but it looks like a different language (but don't worry...obviously I still can read and type). Its been happening more often, especially since the DID started up again. It started around that time....a few weeks ago. Everything seems dark (maybe this is part of my severe depression that I am experiencing right now) even though its bright and sunny outside. (well, not this second of course as it IS night time!) My speech has also become affected, I can't get the words out correctly, once again....drunk sounding or saying the totally wrong word! Also, a new symptom popped up today, it feels like I'm drowning except there's no water...I mean it has the same EXACT feeling as water going up your nose and body! I never heard of such a symptom before, I mean I've heard of people feeling like they are dying (as in a panic attack) but it ain't the same thing. Everything around me appears "fake" and same thing for the world. Some of these things I never heard of before, or am I the first case????? (Especially the words looking like a different language thing! And the drowning without water thing). So, what am I experiencing?????? And how do I fix it???

Hi Firebird. Some of what you describe sounds familiar to me because some of the symptoms you discribe happened to me when I was co conscious with my alters, like the feeling of my body moving on its own and not feeling like the body was my own. there are other symptoms that sound familiar to me because I am a psych student. The feeling dead,and the "When I'm reading I see the words but it looks like a different language" and when you wrote "My speech has also become affected, I can't get the words out correctly, once again....drunk sounding or saying the totally wrong word! Also, a new symptom popped up today, it feels like I'm drowning except there's no water..." those symptoms we discussed in psychology class when we were discussing a type of catatonic state that happens with some people with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorders.

please dont take what I say as thats what this is. Im just a psych student. go to your treatment providers and check in with them on this. If it is catatonia related to your schizoaffective disorder there is medication that will help you feel better.

[Elysium]

Hi Firebird,

First, I want to say, if you haven't checked in with your T yet regarding this, I think that would be a good idea... just to help you through your rough spots.

IMO what you mention as far as your symptoms go, these things sound very much like dissociative experiences.

You mentioned perceiving words as like they were written in another language, and seeming drunk without alcohol. What I have heard is that alters can have interesting characteristics about them. Some will have different dialects, or accents. These symptoms could be from an alter you haven't discovered, or it could be some sort of depersonalization/derealization thing kind of mixed too.

As for the feeling like you are drowning...? That sounds really scary and uncomfortable. Do you think this could be anxiety related? It sounds like an anxiety type symptom.

As far as Catatonia related to you Schizoaffective Disorder... what you are explaining does not really sound like it, IMO. Catatonia can involve a lack of response to external stimuli, muscle rigidity, excessive motor activity, mutism, inappropriate postures and grimacing, repetition of words/phrases said by others, and repetitive imitation of movements of another person. This doesn't really sound like something you have described.

At any rate, I think the best thing to do is to discuss all your symptoms with your T and have them work with you on it. A lot of theses symptoms do sound like they could be dissociative though.

Hope this helps...

Take care.

[Miri]

Seek professional, please, take care of yourself. I can hear how frightened your are. I am sending warmth and caring, but help is needed.