[lily1213]

I have primary custody, we have 2 children ages 12 (girl) and 10 (boy) and my ex has moved 5 hours away out of state. He refuses to communicate with me in any way and contacts our oldest daughter via facebook to set up visitation on his own. He no longer has a phone and refuses to provide an address where he lives. He stays with a friend while in town and the kids stay over there with him. I have that address and phone#. However, the one night he does get them, usually a Saturday, he will send our daughter to stay with someone else because he says they don't have room for both. I never know when he is going to be in town, when he's going to pick them up or bring them home. One visit, he picked up the kids and an hour later they were calling wanting to know when we would be back home because he was already dropping them off.

There are so many issues here...I will try to be brief. He was married for 2 years after we divorced and the woman had 3 children from 3 different men. They divorced and he constantly has those kids, ages 4, 13, 15 and an "adopted" daughter (not legally) also 15 that are always around. Our children cannot see their father without one or more of them there and he's continually gives them money and is doing things for them when he won't do for his own children and our children see this and are really upset by it. He has taken these kids to concerts out of town and visited them at times our kids didn't even know he was in town...at one point he hadn't talk to our son in a month. My ex also has some sort of personality disorder (says a counselor we used to see)...he is constantly lying to people for money, etc...sympathy...then will tell the kids his health is bad, implies he has cancer...says he was in the hospital when he never was...I've had people contact me telling me he's ripped them off or played on their sympathies for money. He's told several people that were mutual aquaintances that I had a long term affair...which got back to our kids and isn't even true...and that I'm crazy and our daughter wants to live with him...I won't let him see the kids (complete with tears)....none of these things have an inch of truth to them...but he just keeps on. I've had others email me that they think he's an alcoholic and driven the kids around while he was drunk. That he goes to bars and leaves them at friend's houses while he has them (again just on a Saturday night usually)...then, he takes them to our old church on Sunday morning to show them off. Another example...he told our kids he couldn't come visit (via facebook) because he was in the hospital getting tests for nosebleeds and passing out...then, turned around and told his mother he came to town that weekend and I refused to let him see them.

On the one hand I can't keep the kids from their dad, on the other...the whole situation is getting rather scary. I cannot afford court right now, plus, i know all of these things but proving some of them is difficult.

Should I put my foot down and demand that he contact me regarding visitation and withhold it until he does? What would you do in my position? If I say something to him, it will come back on the kids the next time he sees them...he's constantly working an angle and messing with their heads. If they get mad at him, then he turns on the tears and goes the poor me route. I am at a loss as to how to handle him. even the kids are uncomfortable around him.