I Am Such A Loser over 5 YEARS Seperated

In some warped twisted way wolfsong something wont allow me to let go...like either I have some secret desire call it the fairytale ending he will come back and say he was wrong,sorry he really does love me begging for forgiveness and lets start all over again and everything will be allright .Or that maybe part of that will happen and I may realize what the hell was I holding and hoping for "THIS" he wasn't so special after all and I wasted all that time and throw him back out to the wind.Or possibly let him come back fall in love with me and if it doesn't work I'll get to tell him this time its not going to work. I'll have some real closure ...something I never had ....after alll he supposedly left over a disagreement with my son not even a fight with me. He still loved me it wasn't until over 2 years apart he "fell out of love with me"thats has been the hardest part to deal with How the F*** does someone who supposedly loves you as much as he supposedly loved me as much as I had loved him too turn it offf like that snap your fingers poof!!!!!!

I a still losing sleep over this my mind wont shut off will someone find the off switch ....install a power button...take out the damn batteries or wiring uggghhhhhhh

May I say...You are not ...."Warped...nor twisted".You are a human who is hurting.You have fallen into a pattern/cycle ,and have not yet come to terms with the injury...or the pain from it.
Can I ask....Would it really be any sort of healthy for you to allow this relationship to rekindle?Do you honestly feel that it would not lay ridden with festering wounds and mistrust?Do you honestly think that no one else can love you for all the qualities you possess?
I strongly suggest that you seek counseling,for this reason:So long as this pain lays beneath your skin,and has this power over your quality of life,not only will you continue to relive it,but...essentially,you will be at base,unfit to begin a new page in life.A new relationship.
May I ask if there are parental abandonment issues...or not having felt loved and cherished for who you were?
I pray that you have not held guilt over your sons head.Although I haven't a clue as to his age.But whatever your sons age...realize we are all faulty,and your son will need to move beyond this as well.
It sounds like ,him falling out of love with you wasn't poof.As you stated that for two years you'd been apart .I think time,distance and altered circumstance shifted the gears in his head.
You ;if not already,are going to become ill from these anxieties,as these painful feelings create havoc in the immune and nervous systems.
I strongly suggest therapy.Can you research a book on this and find a way to soothe you?
****************************************** If anyone has suggestions of a book that may help Kacey321....please post it here...something readable on-line would be awesome.
~W~

Hi wolfsong ,
I have been in therapy ,my son was 21 at the time and it was my husbands idea for him and his wife to move back in with us 3 months before the big fight since they were due to have their first child and were living in 1 room elsewhere at the time ..they had my grandson and we all were very happy ,my husband loved the baby as his own grandson also the argument was over my older son leaving dirty pans in the sink and how we were going to punish my 14 year old son for being disrespectful to my husband. He wanted to punish my younger one by grounding him for 6 months and knew I'd say way to extreme for a teen with severe ADD. I thought an apology and grounding him for no longer than 2-3 weeks at the most would work better. My thought he would forget why if it were to long, and it would punish me more to keep him basically chained to the table not his room for 6mo. from after schoool till bedtime for 6 mo.
He then decided he had no say even though we always decided together on things privately on things even in regards to my kids we shared the household and wanted to present a united front my idea.The topper was of course the dirty pans he blew up and said "see" I asked him not to say anything at the moment on the pans because his frame of mind wasn't great due to us not agreeing on the other issue the grounding time.
He then said he was leaving. A couple hours later called his son ,brother in law had a u-haul rented for the am moved everything out in a couple hours and never came back.My older son did move out 6 months later knowing how depressed I was hoping he might come back for me if he were gone but he just said "oh he moved out for him not you and me".

As I said when he left , I spent every weekend with him for over 2 years and we talked every night on the phone but our weekends sometimes were very good ,good or sometimes upsetting.Then he hit me with the I am not in love with you anymore and its upsetting me ,I am trying to remember what it was that I fell in love with you and trying to get that back and can't".And he then didn't want me there on weekends anymore then apparently started looking at personals and met some and figured since we stopped our physical relationship he felt he wasn't cheating on me and he met someone like 3-4 months after we stopped sleeping together and started dating her ,probably sleeping with her quickly and she moved in with him like 7-8 months into their dating although she probably started spending weekends there much earlier. So now they have been together almost 2 and a half years. And we did our taxes and talking to him today he mentioned "we should find someone else to do our taxes next year who might charge a little less".So there again tells me he plans on staying married to me another year at least no intentions of divorce this year or marrying her ?????? Got to wonder where her self respect/esteem is ?Pretty sad that lately I am starting to feel some empathy for her and I don't much about her except her age,looks and she has my husband,lives in our house and she gets the good,bad,and indifferent and his money ...

I feel like I lost my husband,ost 5 years of my sons lives I have 4 sons they were 14-21 at the time now 19-26.I know guilt is a useless emotion but Its big with me now my oldest has lived in N.C. almost 2 years expecting grandchild 3,my second son lives almost 2 hours away I hardly see him 2 youngest still home with their lives so someone who assumed I'd be with a partner when they got older is now alone and going through that empty nest syndrome.

My kids were my world and I do feel like I can't forgive myself for that time...they say he was a jerk but also know how much I love him so I am sure there is something in them that possibly blame themselves for whatever since I am so sad. As much as I tell them never blame themselves .

I feel like I don't deserve love honestly.

In answer to your question on parents my mother and father died by the time I was 20 my father was incredible I miss him very very much.My mother on the other hand was very abusive emotionally and physically her words ringing loudly now 40 years later ..They say you marry your abuser I think I may have with him ..He was a perfectionist with himself but I felt I wasn't perfect enough for him either like my mother...Up until him Life was not great but was better ..He brought the very best and very worst out in me ...Sometimes I hate him for Loving him so much..
Glad I met him because it showed me how deeply I could love someone but in the same breath wish I hadn't since the hurt is none like I have ever felt in Love.

Also I have been trying to date many 1 dates,a couple that lasted a month and one for 3 months .The 1 daters I think wanted the perfect body person I have about 40 extra pounds in the right places but still heavy but with no energy can't get it going and the winter has been snow,snow and more snow here.The 1 month they fell for me after 2 dates to fast for me honestly .And the longest 3 months just kind of stale mated on both sides wasn't going to go any further for either of us but liking each other alot and doing the same thing everytime we saw each other and he was a bit agoraphobic so couldn't change it either.

Sorry for the looooonnnngggggg pooooossstttt many condensed chapters here.

This breaks my heart.If I didn't feel so sick right now I'd have replied.And I will reply tomorrow.Till then I am sending a cyber hug from a woman who knows this pain.More irony in life to be reading this...I sooo relate.You hang in there.You are strong.I'll reply tomorrow.~W~

To begin with...my oldest was adhd.My middle is schizophrenic.....so I 'get' where you made an effort to take that into account on behalf of your son.I also relate to the overbearing stance on punishing; as opposed to discipline,that undoubtably put you at odds with your husband....in that factor.
Story of my marriage...this 6 month b.s and all such other disproportionate response to a young persons natural behaviors.If I said anything,I dunno how he took it...as an insult to his masculinity and authority?
I am a mama bear....and also a believer in consequences fitting the action.I think discipline should only be geared toward preparation for the natural consequences a young person will experience once on their own....ie...you don't work,you don't get paid.You don't get paid,you have less money to spread round...etc.
Thus;for instance,...a sixteen year old for example...on a point system,gets so much allowance for their responsibilities being handled...as it would be in an adults life.They wash their clothes or they have nothing clean to wear.They do their schoolwork/chores...(their job) or the allowance is lowered.They don't tell you they are having a hard time in school for whatever reason and thereby I cant hire a tutor or whatever the remedy is...grades suffer....
Husband couldn't discipline.He punished,berated,demeaned,belittled.Stretched restrictions to a length that became a thing where it was pointless and impossible for them to adhere to resulting in a severe rebellion,just for them to retain an identity.
I'd be so furious inside...and calmly say...look...if it's handled this way...we will accomplish ....X.....this other way will cause these issues.
He would 'Lose his fkng bearings' and "Go off".I lost any power I had in a voice.I had to ring the police many times because he would attack.
I understand the 'punish me more' bit.I suffered it every time I needed to step in.I felt like my mother when I couldn't have a voice.But it was so much worse if I spoke.I'd sneak them new books,art materials,candy ...ect...and hang out with them as soon as he went anywhere.
This undermined what he set out to do in his thinking.But his tactics left us all abused frankly.There is no door to a united front once you've taken two 4 month bouts of parenting classes together and nothing in him changes.When ,if you attempt to respectfully intervene and he; 'balls to the wall'... goes over the top.
I didn't intend to undermine him,but if there was to be hope in my boys,or a sense of someone giving a ***** about them....i had to DO SOMETHING.(Unlike my mother).
And yeh...his two "I'll teach you to disagree moves...were leaving me...w/o any knowledge where the F he was....or doing 10 x worse than if I shut my mouth and curled into a ball for the piece of ***** I was for not fkn leaving him.
I would have left him ages ago...he still is telling me I can't make it on my own.So I believe him,I really do,and I sleep in my truck camper...and live in there when he is here.
Bless your older sons heart.I am so sorry he is witnessing this example of a relationship.Very unhealthy.
I went through that...I'm not in love with you stuff.He had me do things I would never do to keep him.Things I refuse to mention.Just horrid.And yeh...the other chick thing...happened to be my pastors daughter.
Caused me to never go to church again.I nearly 'took care' of that.Thankfully my threat was enough...she knew I meant every word of...I will hire a fkng billboard with your name on it...post on your apt.complex mailbox your name ,what you're doing...ect...go to your job and church and announce there too.She was a call girl on the sly.
Frankly I didn't care about me in it...but the boys were still minors...(in 2000)...I had a brain injury,couldn't remember how to drive or alot of things.My hugest worry was that she'd dump him...leave him in the dirt with nothing left for his life...and I knew it'd destroy him.(believe that or not IDC).
Yeh I felt bad for her too on some level...but not that bad.She came from no brokenness whatsoever.Awesum parents...A dad her whole life....sheltered....provided for...and had 2 small children...(I thought...he will pretend to love them and really get her going like he did me...then leave those boys lives).Between that and worrying she'd take everything he earned from him at some point...I was refusing to accept it.
At the point I found out what he was doing (dating her) I had gone to my other house near my mum...cause he was attacking my oldest son...and had him enrolled in school up there.
My middle son rang me and said "Mom,dad asked how we would like Donelle for a mum...you need to come here and do something..He was 10.I packed my **** and came home.Not for me....maybe I was in the reasons...but my son wanted me to come...and I did.
This was all after a severe S.I attempt;where I o.d'd that left me so brain damaged,he was told,not only that I would need to be cared for in a convalescent home...but may need to be unplugged.
Ahhhhhhhhhh F...I must say....your words..."Lost years of my sons lives"I am crying...that is by far the most horrific travesty in all of it".
Guilt is not ...in and of itself....a useless emotion.But in the long term...and after a time...it becomes destructive...paralyzing.Traps us in a void.Guilt serves a purpose...but mustn't be elongated.Requires context.
Your kids ARE still your world.Or the words you've written wouldn't be as they are.As for forgiveness of the self.....do it for your kids...because it hurts them to see you broken.Do it for your selfless love ...for them.Free you to be who they need.
Who are you to say that you don't deserve love....when I have yet to find a human whos sh8t doesn't stink.(I say that alot...tho' crude)That's the truth.No one is perfect.
......to be continued....lol ~W~

........From....In answer to your question....

I understand this scenario of your parental relationship......reminds me of a very lovely friend.
Yes we do....marry our abuser.Statistically correct.
I believe your heart will heal.I believe you have alot to offer.
Dating can really suck.I couldn't date b4 marriage...can't now...and only fate will ever link me to love...because I won't seek it,and frankly I just don't believe it exists.
After all ...if he was perfect...and that was a sham...love isn't even real...beyond that it requires a risk I'm not willing to take.Fk it....lol.
There are just as many men that'd fall for you with the 40 extra lbs as there are who like very thin women.
Two dates and they fall for you....can be a nice indicator....just set boundaries that can't be crossed til you decide to remove the boundary and flow with the moment.
Don't give up...just know that love may not be 'in season' for you atm...but it will fall to you in due process...and you'll ...'just know'......
~W~

Thank you wolfsong for caring so much to share and write back it means very much to me.I know as much guilt as I feel for losing that time ,these years with my sons,my grandchildren as they miss me and grow in a far away state and beg me often to visit ,I raised them well and they don't sem as tainted as I from their stepdads expierence or they hide it well .They are very forgiving ,much like I am.As much as I feel I don't deserve love .. do know deep down I have my childrens and grandchildrens love and that means m ore than life itself ...the guilt I feel I bring upon myself that I robbed my kids of those precious years trying to appease my husband ,trying to make our marriage work and putting everything and everyone in my life second with my tunnell vision.I lost that precious time its gone time my sons needed me the most my youngest was 14 starting HS his brother a sophmore, my 19 year old had cancer my 21 year old his first child and all i could do was stare at a wall insomniac and cry for my husband wondering what went wrong how can i get him back as they took care of themselves.My 19 year old moved out in with his dad so I wouldn't have to bear to see him go through cancer treatments because my pain was unbearable.He was stronger than me and he was fighting for his life .He is my hero he really is. My younger two managed to get themselves off to school almost every day and before I knew it they graduated and their brother beat his Hodgkins and was in remission and my husband was telling me he fell out of love with me he didn't want me seeing him anymore.My world fell apart again with abandonment again by him and happiness at home a bittersweet time.I did manage to get a book published in may of 2009 of some of my photography work and had it published the day after my sons birthday with hopes some of the proceeds wold got to cancer research .The title being When Life Gets Hopeless Take a Minute and Look Around ...its pictures of sunsets,sunrises,beautiful beautiful beaches,flowers etc .things if people took a minute everyday to notice may warm their insides for just a moment ts out there if we stop to look/smell the roses .Today everyone wants it yesterday ...Or like my ex and m an others sem to believe gthe grass is greener on the other side and chase the elusive dream only to find out its the same no matter where you go ....No one nor anything is perfect thats what makes life interesting...so far in my life I may have had goals I went after and set down those roads that led me to dead ends and I have had some strength somehow to get up and turn around and find a different road to take to destinations unknown instead of dying at a dead end .

Well all I can say is I had always thought I would have taken the highways to get places I set off to find but it never worked out that way so taking the longest routes ,sometimes getting lost many times along the way has proved the best and slowest but I sure have enjoyed the scenery along the way

Kacey321......You are welcome."I RAISED THEM WELL."....You hold onto that.I think it just rocks that you acknowledge that!
That guilt you feel is the same exact guilt I feel.Know what?The guilt won't erase one day of it.So I want you to think of ways to let go and be in the moment.
Greyhound is an inexpensive way to visit.Plan some camping events near to them.Or check out community events in their area and plan a visit around some things you can all make memories from with them.
Drop a card in the mail with memories of the happy things you think of from when they were little.Keep a gift bag around.One for each grandchild...and when you see a little trinket they'd like drop it in .When you feel something important to share,drop the note or item in the bag...u.p.s it out every 3-4 months.A paper with a the days date and an I remember when....line.(For the boys)Or an...I am wishing we could....line.Those written across each 4 month stretch.
Wow....I hadn't read through before replying.Now I am at the point in your post where you state I lost that precious time.....couldn't even read further.So incredibly odd...the parallel....I will need to come back to this after gathering myself up.....back soon...~W~

....from,'I lost that precious time'....I lost those years as well.When I o.d'd in 2000,they were 14,10,and 9.The brain damage I suffered was so bad...I get lost in parking lots trying to find my car.I have walked home...2 miles,because I felt like some guy would notice me wandering aimlessly and think things.(Better to look like I had a destination,that seem like a lamb wandering into a field of stalking wolves).All the while,my son was not yet dx w/ schizophrenia...and oldest was climbing into the deepest pits of teen rebellion...youngest was being abused by middle son...husband was having some sort of thing w/ pastors daughter...mom was calling me a "spoiled selfish *****" because as my memory returned in bits...(really little bits...I could remember childhood things I'd long ago stuffed...but not recognize my sons)...I would bring a memory to her and she'd defend it....like "Why did you stay with step dad til I was 11...knowing he violated my mouth at 8 and threatened to make my body disappear in 'big lake'?...I had never asked any hard questions.I became bitter about her.Things grew to be very....uneasy with her.Over the following 8 years...I was desperately trying to protect my two older sons from physical harm,and their own self abusive behavior.Trading him things to quell him enough to not kick out oldest who had crohnes disease so bad he looked like a nazi war camp survivor,and spent a month at a time on feeding tubes in ICU....he was so ill...I had to physically put him on toilet and nurse him in every sense of the word.Husband wanted him out...because of bitterness from things he'd done when younger.....And quelling him enough to at least allow the one with schizophrenia remain in a tent in my back yard...because he kicked him out too.All the while fighting social security to allot these boys ssd monies...trying to force the schiz son to sign the papers for ssd...(he believed I was getting him to sign into the military........(Pressing enter then continue)

Then the youngest was losing control of one side of his body following a cold...M.S was the dx....Step dad got astrocytoma...mum got lung cancer.Those two have died recently.
Crap I ramble...anyways theres alot of gaps in there....point being I understand abandonment under duress and the parent /child dichotomy.Also the emotional withdraw....When you finally fkn need someone to lean of...as I surmise you hardly ever have allowed yourself to be taken care of.Ever hear that 'rank-arse' song..."You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille"?LOL....What a lame arse thing for me to insert here...haha....but dam ya know?With in the frame of your writing where you mention the book you published...odd again.I wanted to write a book of my life like Dave Peltzers'..."A child called it"....and donate the proceeds to a cause like a day drop-in program for schizophrenia.....or some such thing.And the noticing the little things is a very POWERFUL awareness coming from you...as I suggest and practice this myself all the time.If not a saving grace...it serves as a healthful distraction.I think you are an awesome woman! The grass is never greener....and as Doc Holiday said in "Tombstone"...."There is no perfect life Wyatt...there's just life."...then he says to Wyatt....Live Wyatt...live right up to the hilt...live for me...take that spirited woman and make her your own......" As he lay dying from T.B .I know like every line in that movie as well as the lines in "When a man loves a woman" with Andy Garcia and Meg RYan.LOL....I am so jazzed to read,"so far in my life.... to..."instead of dying at a dead end." I really admire you.And....woman....that last paragraph is the picture of an indominatable spirit.You have treasure inside you to pass out on your journey.Look in the mirror.....know it.~W~

Wolfsong as much crap as you have endured I hope you believe and know and have been told also by many how strong you really truly are!!!!!!

If you were close by to me I bet we could make one hell of a team between our strengths and weaknesses against the monsters and deamons that are very much a real part of our world that keep us in their hell for whatever selfish reasons they have or want us to think they may have.

I believe there is some kind of God not sure in what form or fashion (gave up my my drilled in,raised catholic beliefs many years ago when my mom died when i was 17,and dad died when i was 20)never understood how I needed to be "tested from the time I was 4 (being molested sexually until age 11,beaten emotionally and physically by my mom until she was gone,taking my dad my only support system at 20,giving my son cancer ,marrying the *** that broke my soul and heart now and continues and disabling me at age 36 when I loved my job as a nurse ..I think I proved long ago I passed the "god dishes out only what you can handle tests"I say please move on ...NEXT PLEASE !!!!!

I want to thank you for continuing to write me I look forward to hearing from you ..I really do and wish I could do more for you like you have for me ...I have been trying to muster up some courage probably take some time but I want to figure out how first to d this without (which I know)will have such a HUGE backlash from him since he won't divorce me I'd like to be able to file for temporary spousal support orders.

I know he will go off sooooo badddd if I did too and fight it ..But I need to do something I can't live in fear of losing my home anymore whilke he lives with her feeding,clothing her etc.in the house his parents gave us.I know the house I am in is MINE alone but I can't pay for it on soc security but even though the mortgage is less than rent somewhere the reason i wont sell it he could afford my mortgage,his mortgage and buy another house if he wanted he has great credit(ruined mine and pumped up his)he makes 5 times more than me and I don;t know what she will be making but have an idea she went to school to do what I did before I had my accident so between them maybe 80k a year to my 11k..

I was told I should charge her rent lol would be funny but I want to live LOL otherwise I would or I'd get a restraining order saying she has to stay 500 ft or more away from my house/husband lol i must be tired well yes i am havent slept more than 9 hours in 3 nights and have surgery mon morning ...

THANK YOU AGAIN WOLFSONG FOR BEING HERE

I don't know why I had not seen this before just now.Here...it is 3/11,yet this was posted 2/27.I probably checked 'subscribed threads',saw it and intended to get to it when I was less something..(ie,sleepy,wound up,etc.) LOL.....

Kacey ,everyone has endured crap lol.You included.We can never compare.Because we all have different strengths.I believe you are right.We'd make a helluva team.

If I could do one specific thing...it'd be to fight the fact that the mentally ill are homeless,and subject to so much victimization.I want to help to change the laws.Create a therapeutic environment,a safe sheltering system,and revise the fact that mental hospitals have been shut down by our political administration so that hoards of mentally ill are now either homeless...or in prison...and many dead who could not meet their own basic needs.

So many ppl are damaged by religion because it is such an invitation to those who would utilize it to their benefit.Please note ..."those who would utilize it to their benefit".I hate to address religion in public as it is disallowed on p.c except ...I guess ...in a particular area of forum.I believe the reasoning is that many abused...suffered under the disguise of 'so called religious peoples' This I understand and respect.I am terrifically sorry that you suffered so much.

I enjoy speaking with you as well.There is nothing that anyone needs to do for me.I appreciate that.If you really want to do something of value...love yourself and nurture yourself, If you do that....you will have much to take from your hearts 'account'...to loan out to others.(hope that made sense.lol)

Have you called legal aid for advice on this marital asset dispute?Try to research the law and perhaps find a phone consult...or call the local court house and inquire as to what you can do in that situation?I wish I knew more on that.

I am afraid that at this point...legally...since you are not in residence...and he has a legal right to be in the house...it includes a right that he can have any guest he wants.

I am unsure about restraining order specifics.I would have to look that up.I am feeling it won't apply except that it can prevent them from coming w/in a certain distance to your proximity,and other limitations to access to you.

I am so sorry for the damage to your financial situation.truly.Let us know about the turn-out on the surgery?

~W~

Thank you wolfsong for writing again . I am working on no sleep for 36 plus hours right now hate when I go through these spells just couldn't find that power button in my head to shut off the stress and worries grrr..
The surgery went OK although they did find a tumor won't know the status until next week but she said it looked ok.You are probably right they he can have any "guests" he wants there even though she filed her taxes and uses that address as her legal residence funny me and him are the owners she isn't my guest lol
To bad adultry isn't really considered much anymore or at least in my state he's been outright committing it almost 2 years with proof her living there with him ..for all those who believe in karma (I have yet to see it myself)maybe your husband and mine will see it back for what they have been doing to us ..I am sorry I have been bouncing back and forth between depressed and wanting him to hate and anger and I have never hated anyone new emotion for me and new towards him first time since this whole mess over 5 years ago...

You're welcome.Ok ,I think the supplement is melatonin...also the benedryl in the pink box can help you sleep.36 hours of no sleep can quickly culminate into delusion,irrationality,and accidents.If you need to have someone carry you to E.R then I would do so if I were you.Good the surgery went well.My view of my husband is split.He is both a very good man....and .....a very faulted man.I am both a very good woman...and a very faulted woman.I never met a perfect human...and I am the furthest from it.There is light and shadow in us all.(((((Kacey)))))

I would agree on nobody is perfect by far although some have an uneven balance of good and bad thats for sure ...I do take melatonin already thanks for the advice though and benedryl does the opposite bounces me off the walls so thats reserved for daytime shitta..I also have been taking lorazepam for years to try and help with sleep ..I think between stress and my chronic pain condition it robs me terribly in cycles ...the stress after he took off just made dealing with the pain worse vicious cycles...oh and by the way i went 5 weeks with no sleep...no lie my neurologist finally prescribed some crazy cocktail he said in the old days they called it "slipping someone a micky"took the pharmacy a couple days to get the right ingrediates and wouldn't you know maybe the fear of side effects put me to sleep never took it after I got it..I was osing my mind 5 weeks begging for help from anyone to sleep..didn't think a body could handle that long physically...

oh my! how Jerk he is, isn't he care of his children? he just letting his children know how bad he is. You should kick his *** out of your house. Yes, you both have the right but what he is doing is cohabiting. He is still married to you, You should ask for legal assistance to teach them both.What a crazy world inhabitant! they don't have considerations of children feelings...

Well win we don't have children together but yes the house he is in is in both our names the one he is living in with his GF and we are married not even legally seperated ..I inquired on legal assistance a few years back and they said I didn't qualify ???? I haven't inquired since he now is living with someone though and to tell you the truth I am scared of him too not sure what he might do .

My mum had fibromyalgia towards the end of her life...and neck/back pain...when she finally went to doc...he said she was a sneeze away from being a quadroplegic and was taken immediately for fusion of 3 vertebrae in her neck.Had to wear a 'halo' just like me when I crushed my 7th vertebrae.It was awful to see a woman her age wear that.

But the fibromyalgia caused wide spread pain and is ...I think...something causing nerve inflammation? She moaned all night and cried ...it went to suffering for a very long span of time.

Ahh benedryl does that huh?That sucks.It is odd how our bodies all respond so differently to the chemical make-up in medications.Like me and ativan.I went to ER via ambulance over it.

I forget if you and he had split up before he got the GF...or he had her first? There is a provision in the law enabling a spouse to sue the romantic partner of their spouse termed 'alienation of affection'.

Have you researched the law in reference to legal recourse regarding your rights involving the house itself?

Look forward to hearing from you.~Wolfie

Hi Wolfie he and I split before he ever had a GF..not sure on the rights to the house the house was gifted to us right before we were married by his parents so thats why I think he believes it should be his because his parents gifted it to us 3 months before we married .They of course loved me and thought I was the best thing ever happened to their son and we would be together forever of course.
Basically he abandoned me left when he still supposedly loved me and i him over a disagreement with my son and never came back,then fell out of love wih me 2 years later got a gf about 4 months later then she moved in after they dated about 5 months been there since.Almost 2 years living together going out 2 and a half years now.