[BethD1980]

and this is by far the hardest thhing ive ever had to do, it came on so sudddently. I have bipolar II and he said he couldnt deal with the mood swings ( im on meds) now hes been out of the house the day after we decided we no longer wanted to be together, . well i found the real reason why he wanted a divorce, i found an email from his brother saying he didnt like me or my daughter ( who is the sweetest 10 year old u ever want to meet) and he thinks that he should divorce me. he denied it, but i printed it out. we have not even been married for a year, and we had some issues like any other couple, we wernt perfect but I never once doubted that he loved me. NOw he has claimed her on his tax return without telling me ( her own father doesnt even claim her) and promised me money I never saw, doesnt even ask how my daughter is doing, so now I cant believe this man ever loved either of us, he just seems to be out to hurt me. ( emotinally) do u think he had any right to claim her on his tax return? I recieve child support for her from her real father, and i supported her. im not saying he didnt, but i just dont think its right, he could have alteast asked, thanks for letting me vent, i feel so much better when i can vent

[LookingforCalm]

I'm so sorry Beth. As for the tax thing, I don't know. I'm divorced myself, but don't have kids so I don't know if he can do that or not. I would imagine he could say that he did have a dependent living with him, since technically at the end of last year you guys were still married. As to whether it's OK for him to do that, I don't know. I don't mess with the IRS, because it can come back to haunt you if you mess up your taxes.

As for the rest, he probably is simply trying to hurt you right now. My advice is to hold your head up and keep your dignity. Divorce is never pretty, uncontested, or clean. I'm really sorry you're going through that though. I feel for you. Been there. Still going through some weird stuff with the ex.

Again, I'm really sorry for what you are going through. If you wanna talk, please feel free to email me any time. I can be a good ear, especially if you just wanna vent.

XOXO!

[2MuchCoffee]

Sorry for what you're going through. It really hurts when the people we choose to love disappoint us so much.

As far as the taxes go, I'm not 100% sure how to answer your question. But it does seem to me that if you are receiving child support, you are the custodial parent, then you should be the one claiming her as a dependent. If he's not even her parent or guardian, where does he get off...? Did he file his taxes first? That could make it more difficult for you, but not impossible.

If it were me I wouldn't let him get away with it. Consult with a tax professional, for sure. No matter what you do, make sure you have your ducks in a row in case you were to get audited.

Here's a link to a FAQ page at the IRS website: http://www.irs.gov/faqs/content/0,,id=199974,00.html

Best wishes to you!

[missbelle]

He has to prove in case of an audit that he paid 50% or maybe 51% of her care. Maybe someone else knows the exact amount. Let him do it. He is the one that gets in trouble if he is following separately. Thats the least of your worries.
I went the divorce way myself and pretty much raised three children on my own. Not easy. I am sorry this has happend to you. Keep posting and let me know how you are doing Beth!

[2MuchCoffee]

Originally Posted by missbelle

He has to prove in case of an audit that he paid 50% or maybe 51% of her care. Maybe someone else knows the exact amount. Let him do it. He is the one that gets in trouble if he is filing separately.

Yep! That's what I was thinking, too, but for some reason couldn't figure out how to say it. Thank you, missbelle!

[BethD1980]

thanks for ur advice,. i asked him to pay me 50% of what he got, or $500 and he did. I told him i was prepared with a lawyer if he didnt , that must have scared him. i got served my divorce papers, we go to court on may 24th. i just want to get it over with, and I want him to stop hurting me. I just want him out of my life. Im still adjusting to life without him, and its hard. But every day gets a little better and my daughter is jsut a different person without him here, for the better. Shes so pleasent whereas before she was very angry. same with me, i used to have a lot of anger, and now I dont, just sadness, lonliness, guilt. But no anger. I keep thinking of how much of this is my fault but then i realize I dont want to be with someone whose family dislikes me so much anyways, he was not the man that i married. thanks for listening
Beth

[DivorcedWoman]

Divorce is very hard. I'm Bipolar 1 and had a bad manic episode and definitely did some horrible things but overall I am a kind, caring and very giving person when I'm not high or low. My ex kicked me out of the house and took custody of our child after the episode. It was heartwrenching. I never had closure per say because her served me with the papers the day I came home from the hospital and he wasn't home and I didn't see him again for months. We never talked about the trauma of the situation or things in general and how they went down and probably never will.

You will survive but there will definitely be ups and downs. I know that I was very lonely for a long time. I missed the family unit and the routine and it was a huge adjustment. It's been 4 years since our separation and I have my good days and bad days. We were together 20 years and now that we are apart I do know it is for the best but it still hurts. We have to communicate regularly because we have a 6 1/2 year old son, but I definitely avoid going above and beyond the basics. Anytime I've brought up something sensitive his response is just ya, ya, ya, whatever you're so sensitive and you're overreacting so I don't think I will ever get anywhere anyway. I couldn't even think about dating for until about a year after the breakup. He found someone very quickly after we separated so that hurt even more. I dated quite a few people and had some short term relationships until I found the man I've been dating for 9 months now. This is definitely a grieving process. I went to a Divorce Recovery Class but it wasn't super fulfilling for me because I was very depressed, but I know it has been very helpful for others. There is a group in my area called Parents without Partners which I can't go to anymore because I'm in a relationship. I also believe there are some free support groups out there as well. If you do a search online I think you may come across something.

Good luck. I promise you that you will make it. Everyone grieves in there own way and at their own pace.