I'm am getting worse.Feeling as if I want to withdraw,and never trust anyone again.If HE could do all of these things he has done,as well as my mum,I sometimes think anyone could be capable of anything.I feel like a waste of life,and old,like I will never be good enough to deserve good things to be happening in my life.And,with my life as it is,I have to wonder if I am just a charity case to my close associates/friends/family.Couldn't trust the most base of ppl,early caregivers/blood related family....and later ppl who I gave everything for/to.It creates a difficulty within the psyche as to the relativity of my perceptions of personal interactions.While I know myself....if I say something....feel something...I realize it cannot be 'turned off' nor am I capable of communicating love or empathy etc., w/o it being straight from my soul....I see from mother,husband,relatives,and those I have considered as my friends...that my idealism is faulty,unbalanced etc.,since I imagine I don't allow for the complicating factors in relationships due to my black and white thinking.That causes me to be on-guard,and looking for reasons to shut out those I let in,as in...are they going to potentially destroy my heart from my allowing them in? My self esteem is nil atm.I just feel like shutting everyone out to keep from facing more abandonment,and heartbreak.I guess I have hit a shadow on my path,and imagine I can walk through it if I choose to.idk.Just venting.

[AvidReader]

((((((((((wolfsong))))))))))

I can identify with a lot of what you posted. Sending you warm wishes and hugs