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#1
Dec 08, 2011, 05:45 PM
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8 weeks have passed now since my bf ended our 9 year relationship..
I am not coping very well.. On the outside I guess it looks like I am. I go to work every day. I spend time with friends. In private... I fall apart. I'm heart broken. Well and truly heart broken. How do u get through a breakup? Iv only ever had 1 boyfriend.. 1 anything. It's only ever been me and him. How do you move on from a relationship How do u stop yourself from completely falling apart? How can somebody who youv spent so long with and been so good to, so loving to, so in love with, hurt you this much... What did I do wrong 
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 SophiaG
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#2
Dec 08, 2011, 09:21 PM
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I know how you are feeling right this minute. I am going through the same thing... my girlfriend of 10 years left me and I'm devestated and broken-hearted. it's been a month already and I'm still hurting. The only thing I can tell you is to take it day-by-day. You need to take care of yourself and try your best to get back on your regular routine. There will be times when the depression floors you and you will cry and seek relief and won't be able to find it... unfortunately that is part of the healing process and I am going through it still. You can PM or contact me and we can talk more about this... it definately helps to find someone that is going through the same feelings of grief and just talk about it. You aren't alone. 
__________________
The only way out of depression is through it. |
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#3
Dec 08, 2011, 09:25 PM
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it takes time. you were together for a long time. grieve and know that it will pass. it doesnt seem like it now, i know, but little by little you'll feel better.
__________________
http://strawberryfields.psychcentral.net/ |
 SophiaG
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#4
Dec 11, 2011, 06:18 PM
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I can relate as well, it's been a week and I know it was for the best for both of us, but now realising how dependent I was on him for support. A first relationship breakup is very hard and I feel for you. It would be so much harder not understanding why it's happened. I really hope you get a chance to talk about it with him or someone who can help and understand better why.
I went through a difficult break up in relationship about 8 years ago and was in terrible pain, it took months to really get over it. Another poster mentioned about focusing on doing the daily things you do. Someone said this to me at the time and it helped with the thoughts of hopelessness and just not knowing what to do. Somehow these things and support from others help you to get through.
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#5
Dec 13, 2011, 04:41 AM
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Thank you mysunshine, hope your doing ok?
I am just trying to focus on Christmas and making it a special Xmas for my niece this year as it's 1st one without her dad (parents had a very messy split). It seems to be taking my mind o it a bit.. But at the same time.. This is my first Xmas without my partner to share it with. Not gonna be the best Xmas this year!! |
| SophiaG
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#6
Dec 13, 2011, 05:02 AM
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__________________
In depression . . . faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the...feeling felt as truth...that no remedy will come -- not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. . . . It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.-William Styron |
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#7
Dec 13, 2011, 05:42 AM
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Im grieving but my thought are all very confusing.. Im not grieving for my lost relationship I'm grieving for the future I wished we could have together..
The relationship I had with him was not perfect.. In fact now I wonder how I could let someone treat me like he did sometimes.. He attacked me once.. Got so angry with me coz I asked if he was cheating with a woman at his work who he was texting explicit things to. He choked me, nearly broke my arm smashed my head wen he threw me on the floor.. Broke my phone when I was so scared I tried to phone my friend for help. 1 week later he chucked me out our flat.. We split up for 6 months. Got back together.. 1 year later I found out he lied to me he was cheating all along and left me for her. She dumped him. He got back with me. I forgave him tho as usual.. But wen I think about all the bad stuff he did how many other women he was texting.. God knows how many times he cheated on me I actually feel guilty for thinking bad of him because I still have my Rose tinted glasses on and still convince myself we loved each other more than anything...
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#8
Dec 13, 2011, 12:59 PM
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I wouldn't feel bad about thinking good things about him - there obvious were good times since you were together for so long. However the instances that you have described that happened to you are not great... Physical violence should not be tolerated and I think that you need to balance the good memories and remember that it was not always great.
I'm also going through a break up and the daily activities are the best way I find to help me get through, cos when I'm alone I do get the blues big time. It's been a month and a half for me and I'm still waiting for things to get easier... The tears aren't there as much but to be honest I'm also dreading Christmas alone. I am very appreciative of my support system I have. I hope u are using yours. Big hugs and know that we are here for when you need it!
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#9
Dec 14, 2011, 10:41 AM
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I can't offer much help, I'm afraid. The thing that came to mind, though, is...allow yourself to mourn. As you would mourn the death of a loved one, mourn the death of the relationship. You aren't expected to just be ok, but in time you will be. So...follow whatever experts say are the normal steps of grief. Just a thought.
 Hang in there.
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#10
Dec 16, 2011, 06:48 AM
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Broken...he attacks you and throws you out of the flat...was there no red flag waving in your face then???
Then big red flag number 2..he was cheating and then left you for her? Red flag number 3...she dumps him, so you take him back? WTF??? You were his doormat, his punch bag, his safety net. Is that what you want to be viewed as by someone you are sharing your life with?? Of course you don't..it's the perfect recipe to lower one's self esteem! He compeltely disrespected you, lied to you, cheated on you...if he was your "soulmate" or the "one", he would not do these things to you...he was wrong for you...pure and simple. Of course you didn't love each other more than anything!!!! it was a distorted manipulative partner who brought you down...you made choices clouded in the belief that you loved him enough and maybe he would somehow change...believe me, that type never change, they're narcissists! Do not feel guilty about feeling bad about scumbags like him by the way...wasted energy. You dodged a bullet miss and now is your time..to heal, to gain strength and find the old you that existed before he buried you with his crap. R sorry if this is coming off harsh, but I think you need the truth. |
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