[LostAngel0616]

My girlfriend and I are over. Two years down the drain. She made me believe in the beginning that she knew and accepted who I was. Made me feel like I didn't need to put up the front I had to my whole life so that I wouldn't be called a freak or serial killer. I grew up as a "lipstick" lesbian, I like dressing girly, not necessiarily acting girly. I'm a nympho, and I get turned on by blood and gore movies. I'm a sado-massocistic lover, pain gets me off. I thought thats what we had in common in the beginning, she was the only one I could let my gaurd down around and not feel like I was being judged. Now, two years later, she tells me she just went along with it because she thought I'd grow out of it. She told me I could just be who I really was. And I did, but now I find out thats not who she wants. She was just waiting for me to change. Screw this. I'm starting to think I might as well just spend the rest of my life alone, like no one will want who I really am. I'm done fronting, I'm gonna be me, alone.

[kindachaotic]

You did nothing wrong by being yourself from the start. It was HER that had the problem of not being honest with you from the start.
People can't change other people because one or both will end up being disappointed.
If being alone for not now will help you heal & feel comfortable in your own skin, then do it. But don't limit yourself to being alone from now on.

Be kind to yourself.

[LostAngel0616]

I'm not gonna say that I'll never find someone that will truely accept me for who I really am, but as soon as I start making enough money and get our last apartment paid off, I'm moving out. Maybe before the spsrtment is paid off, who knows. Just have to see how things go from here. I finally got a job and am feeling good about myself, but now I don't want to come back to the house because I'm so sick of fighting with her. I moved in with her straight out of my moms house, so I never took the chance to figure out who I really was. I'm thinking I need to be on my own for a while. I have no idea if she'll be there when I'm ready, but I think I'm ready to accept that she may not. I don't know if she was just being hateful this morning, but I can't be what she wants until I figure myself out. I may have lost her and what we've been trying to build, but I'm finally puting myself first, and thats where a lot of my problems have been steming from. Think its time for a new start.

I think a lot of women who like women feel very insecure about themselves and when a partner is secure in who they are and what the want the other woman gets threatened! It's a control thing! Well that is just my experience! You are better off without her, I know it's hard for you to see this now but you will find someone who loves you and except you for who you are!

[LostAngel0616]

Now I can't move out. She isn't making enough money to pay the rent money she owes here sister, and she's pinning what she doesn't have on me. And thats my entire paycheck. While I'm training, I'm only getting short shifts, so I don't have a bunch of hours. She's 42, she knows how the job force works. I have to prove myself before my manager will give me more hours. I've only worked three days! What more does she want? Its gonna take a little bit of time before I start bringing in big checks. Shes been at her job for five years, but its not like she hasen't started a million other jobs. I need to get out of this relationship, but my guilt and finances are going to make it take a really long time. I don't know how much longer I can do it...

[Scotty204]

You can't change who you are and she should have been honest from the start. How much longer until the lease expires?

[LostAngel0616]

Originally Posted by Scotty204

You can't change who you are and she should have been honest from the start. How much longer until the lease expires?

Its not a lease, but I'm giving it until the end of September. If by that point things aren't settled down, I'm leaving.

[Scotty204]

Originally Posted by LostAngel0616

Its not a lease, but I'm giving it until the end of September. If by that point things aren't settled down, I'm leaving.

Well thank god it's not a lease that your stuck in, it sounds like a month to month basis which you could just give your notice and be gone. I say if things are really bad and not improving then leave so your not stuck with all the financial burden