[secondfailure]

Forum, I feel like the world is caving in on me. This is my 2nd failed marriiage. What is wrong with me. I had a wife who not perfect was a sweetheart. Nklw when she talks to me she is full of rage and anger and told me she wants a divorce becaseu I dont hgive her time to process all of this. This maybe long winded so forgive me... We were married 3 years and dated for 2..

I cherated before we got married and we worked through thos issues.... The house was in my name and on several occasions I threw it up in her face. Her childhood was nkiot the best and made sure to remind her a few time... Then she had trwo sons from a previous ammriage and she always proteced them. One night things got heated with me and the oldest son who was 17 at the time and I thretned him. Once agin we worked thorugh those issues... Then she wnt to grad schoool and I tool on all respponsibilites. Cooking clieang, picking kids up helping with home work. Well after she graduated, she never helped me with any of that and I became angry... Then a few moknths ago, the youngest son (14) was demonstrating what happend when him mand his friend got in an agrument anfd he pused my into the freidge and my natrual reaction was to grab him. She saw the entire thing and she feels like he is not safe aroubd me. By no means am I a violent person. We had issues with my mother in law. She asked me to stay a few times and I said no you should leave if you feel like you and your son are not safe around me... It was a fatal blow!! I was so stupid. I know she had her issues but I was such a fool... Whyu am I such a failure?????????????????
When she calls all I do is cry like a baby!!!!!! And she tells me to stop crying becaseu it makes her angry becaseu when she cried I was mean to her....

[boopei]

See a therapist. That would be my first suggestion (I swear, I wouldn't be the same without my therapist, I need a bumper sticker made saying I <3 My Therapist for that woman). I would express to your wife that you are sorry, you know that you've made mistakes.. even if you write a letter since your emotions are running so high when you talk to her. If there's hope, and you suggest marriage counselling and she says yes, then that's a start. Hopefully she will give you the chance to make it right, but you have to make YOU right first. Find out where the anger is coming from on your end, because you know where the anger is coming from on her end (for the most part). Good luck!

[secondfailure]

Thank you.. I have been goingto counseling. Part of myu anger strems from my mother not showingme any affection growing up. She was not a bad mother but I never got encouragment or praise. I was so disrespectful to my wife. If she does not come back then I have t take it as a lesson learned.. Keep seeking theray and alwyas treat people like people and never talk down oe belittle them..

[boopei]

Originally Posted by secondfailure

If she does not come back then I have t take it as a lesson learned.. Keep seeking therapy and alwyas treat people like people and never talk down or belittle them..

It's true. At least your on the path to self-awareness, and being able to acknowledge your own shortcomings so you can grow and learn from it. With any luck she will see past her own anger, and be able to forgive you.

I'm one of those people that in cases like this, if both people can grow from it, there may be home. Don't throw in the towel until you've tried everything you can (as long as she's willing as well).

Too many people give up on their marriage too soon, when sometimes all women want is to know someone loves us enough to fight for us. Respect us, love us, be a partner and a friend, and that's all most of us want. Thinking of you and your challenges, *hugs*

[avlady]

i agree with all of you especially boopei

[secondfailure]

this is where I get so confused. She has asked me to attend my step sons football game. If she does not feel safe around me then why ask me to come. On Monday she told me she cant be around me becasue she does not know what I would do to her. I told her I am not going to jail for anyone. I love my freedon. m,aybe she was just angry.I told her I had an appt. Im too emotional right now. It seems to me that I need to give her the soace she needs. Even my mother in law says our provblems can be worked out. I am so confused. And my frimds have also told me that for now I need to make myself unavailble to her until she figures out what she wants to do. I would never harm my step-son. Am I wrong for not waqnting to go tothe game? I need to work on myself. And to top it all, off, my bills take up all of my check and then some. I may have to rob peter to pay paul...

[secondfailure]

and right now she says as of now she does not want to be with me. AmI supposed to justy sit around and wait. I dont think so. I did that with my first wife ony to be told she has found someone else... This is so overwhelming. Why me?????????????

[Edda]

Originally Posted by secondfailure

What is wrong with me.

Originally Posted by secondfailure

I cherated before we got married

This.
You know, some wounds simply never heal. Especially those of betrayal.

That fact that she says she needs more time to process things suggests that you haven't successfully worked through your issues.

Also, your post suggests that you actually are a violent person.

Please continue to seek help. Self awareness goes a long way.

[Edda]

Originally Posted by secondfailure

What is wrong with me.

Originally Posted by secondfailure

I cherated before we got married

This.
You know, some wounds simply never heal. Especially those of betrayal.

The fact that she says she needs more time to process things suggests that you haven't successfully worked through your issues.

Also, your post suggests that you actually are a violent person.

Please continue to seek help. Self awareness goes a long way.

[4D2Long]

Under the circumstances of what your post revealed, I would lean toward staying away from any relationship with women until you work out your feelings about your mom....there must be more to the story, because a good majority of people in this world had moms that were emotionally distant or just absent, but they do not make everybody they are supposed to love suffer for it.....if you have a problem with anger, you need to acknowledge that so that you understand why others would resent being around you...

I am going to be honest....if you treat a woman bad at any time in a relationship, be prepared for it to come up again....something happens and she recalls another time you were mean or beligerant, and realizes...You Treat HER bad! What is it that people don't get? If you truly love someone, you ALWAYS support them emotionally....not just sometimes....all the time..if you cannot....walk...just walk away before you are boot kicked in the rear....out the house with your belongings flying out after you...the neighbors see it...it becomes a messy scandalous embarrassment....

Don't be one of those houses where you are permanently marked in a police officers GPS as "recently visited" .... just give her some sanity...yourself some dignity and her son's some respect...walk