Pulled back from the brink but still hurting

Background - me & workmate - expressed strong emotional feelings for one another-didn't act upon them as both attached - I left company and thought I'd moved on BUT....

Over the past 12 months we have periodically texted each other to catch up and ask how each are doing, we discussed meeting up twice but backed off because it would be the wrong thing to do in the long term as we both know where it would lead (strong sexual chemistry - we'd be rolling in the hay before the coffee was served) I thought we had moved passed the "will we wont we" stage and had resigned ourselves to occasional texts to catch up and touch base. However, approx 2 months ago during one of our catch ups, I asked if he'd like to meet for coffee. I'd like to say that meeting for coffee and catching up was my only agenda but in truth I wanted to know if he still had feelings for me and whether we would finally get it on. (you don't have to tell me my moral compass was a bit off that day)

He said he couldn't meet me for coffee as "1) we would fall out, which isn't be a nice feeling and 2) It would not be the right thing to do in the long term as I knew full well where it would lead and he couldn't live with the guilt of hurting everyone". I asked if he would prefer me to stop texting to which he replied "yes please stop texting". I replied that I would respect his wishes and haven't sent a text to him since. My problem is and the reason for posting in search of advice is.... This last two months have been torture, I'm ok for about 2 weeks and then all of a sudden I feel as if my heart is being ripped out and constantly think of him. These feelings then pass for another couple of weeks and then BOOM there they are again. This is the longest we have gone without touching base, I'm therefore hoping these feelings will occur less frequently as time goes on. Are my feelings normal, I need reassurance that how I feel is normal and not contacting him is the right thing to do. During these bouts I often have to fight the urge to accidentally on purpose bump into him, which leaves me feeling like a complete cad and snake. Indeed I feel a complete cad and snake for trying to tempt him into meeting up in the first place, which makes me feel even more crap.

This morning after 2 months of No Contact (58days to be precise) he text me saying " I assume when you said you wouldn't contact again you meant it?" What now? Do I text back saying I assumed when you ask me not to you meant it too? Do I ignore him? As far as I know we are both still attached (although I intend to split from my husband) nothing has changed.

Thanks for taking the time to read this any advice greatly appreciated. x

sounds like you both have done a good job avoiding temptation so far, but for how long? it is unlikely you will let his text go by unanswered as it sounds like the two of you are already having an emotional affair. if you are planning on leaving your husband already, can you leave him sooner rather than later so he does not get caught up in the middle of this and suffer extra hurt?

if you can though, follow through with the request for no contact and don't text him back, or simply say yes, you are serious about no contact, although I know that will be hard for you. he is the one opening the door that he shut here, very unfair for you if he is expecting you to be the one to follow thru and make sure nothing happens. good luck

I would just stay away from him. I mean look how he is acting towards his partner. You mentioned wanting to split from your husband and that sounds like you have decided that already. Doesn't sound like this guy from work is planning to do the same? But like Kaliope said maybe better sooner rather than later. I would never want to get involved with someone who is involved, too much hurt all the way around. And I wouldn't want to go through it on the other side either.

Sounds like to me he is just kind of playing games maybe for a little ego boost and misses the attention but will likely pull right back again. I knew someone like this tho we were single. We eventually each met someone else and he continued on exactly lile this for a long time. Not worth it in my opinion. Its like a game of push and pull. But usually isnt very satisying after.

You sound like your gut knows just need the heart to follow your gut.