Separating w/autistic child

Hello,
I am new here but I am so glad to have found this website.
I am looking for advice/help for my situation.....I have been married almost 30 years. My youngest child has autism. I could honestly say for most of the past 15 or 20 years, I have often wished I could leave my marriage. I won't get into all of those details now, but I am wondering how in the world to survive, if I separate from my husband.

I have been a stay at home mom for most of the time...had a couple of jobs but always wound up having to quit cause my son was frequently home from school, and with his special needs I had no one who could babysit him. This is still the situation. I am thinking of talking to the people at his school, I am sure I am not the only parent in this circumstance.

Anyone here been through this or have any advice?

It has taken a long time for me but I feel finally ready to actually do something about my situation. I have suffered verbal abuse for a long time and our marriage has been empty for years and years. I have absolutely no interest in future relationship with anyone else, I just want to be free to live without being put down all the time.

Thanks so much for any help.
I stayed married mostly for my children. They are grown up now except for the youngest two.

Well this is depressing. No replies. I guess my situation really is a no-go as far as getting out of it?

One thing I read the other day was that it is possible to have a settlement type situation even in separation. I had never known this before. Does anyone here know if this is true? If so, at least I might have a little bit of finances to get by if we do separate and figure out where to go from there.

Wish I had some valuable information for you, best I can do is wish you the best of luck.

Thanks boopei.
I really like the message of your signature.....karma in relationships....very true.

I have one with PDD NOS, and another who they initially Dx'd the same, however now they are trying to say it is a mood disorder. I understand your pain with childcare. I understand the inability to find sustainable income due to childcare. I am looking at dropping out of school by the end of this week as a result.

Depending on the severity of his symptoms there are programs out there that help with childcare of special needs kids. These programs are funded by medical assistance, which your son automatically qualifies for as per his Dx.

Also child support needs to be established. There are child support calculators that indicate how much is expected as per your state. You can find them through a google search. You can also file through domestic relations to make sure those funds will come to you every month.

My husband was emotionally draining. Every argument was my fault. He is now involved with another woman. I'm not going to say this will be easy. In fact it has been one of the darkest times in my life. But you need to be safe. You need to be strong. ANd establish a support system. I understand not wanting to be involved in a relationship again. I am just emotionally worn down.

I'm in the same boat as you, only today is our 9 year anniversary and our autistic son is 4. I don't know what the answers are, but I understand and I'm replying and feel free to pm me anytime!

I do not think the fact that a child has autism should be a factor for staying with a verbally abusive spouse at all. If it's abusive then it's detrimental to the well being of the children regardless of what they suffer from or even if they don't suffer from a disorder. i do truly believe that in an abusive situation the only way is to get out. for everyone that is a victim, you and the children it is better for you.

I have a friend that divorced, and has an autistic child. Thing is to network. I know she does a lot of volunteer work with her local chapter in the schools for children with special needs. May be a good way to find a caregivers support group/network with others that you can get assistance with someone to be there for the children if you need to return to work.

I work around many single women whose husbands and/or boyfriends left thembecause of an autistic child. These men need to be men and stop using their foul mouths and support women when they are raising their kids. You did not bring your child in this world alone. It is easy for someone to say leave your abusive husband but when you need milk, it is hard to move around with a child with autism. My suggestion is to let him babysit the kids while you empower yourself by taking classes that helps you to grow in a field of your interest. You will meet people and when the time is right, you will tell him to go. Please hang in there and let your friends help you... They will understand. Remember, "STICKS AND stones may hurt your bones, but words will never hurt" Love u darling forsharing ur storyg

Hello,

I'm in the same boat, my husband is not abusive, but I'm having a lot of problems coping with my autistic son being with him on a daily basis. He does go to a school during the week during the day, but I never wanted a child, much less getting married.

He had apraxia, wasn't able to form words, still has problems, going to a special school, had to move several times for it. I'm losing hope.

I can relate.

My son will be 8 soon.

Let's talk again soon.

Not all abusive husbands, support the women to go on and get a job, much less get back to school. Of course, it 'sounds' easy to say, leave. But the notion, that the words don't affect the emotional development of the child, while in an environment where they witness, firsthand their mom being ridiculed and 'put down', doesn't seem logical. How, hard, is it, to move with a child with special needs? Services, are nation wide.

Case in point(to add), here I am home from work, 'again', in marriage, out of marriage...their father will not, could not and WON"T do the babysitting of the children.

The public schools, were unable to accommodate your son's special needs? Why did you have to move?

I too have a son that's autistic. .. you can apply for SSI due to the fact that you have a child with a disability that will stay in effect until I believe in my state it's 25 ...absolutely look into SSI it will help you to get out of this healthy marriage and be financially better off...
I will look into other support systems...
Is your child an adult?

Peace be with you!