Not Looking forward to Tomorrow

My wife and I separted 3 weeks ago and I feel like half of my body has gone int shock.. Tomorrw we are meeting at the bank to sever our bank acounts and to sign the ded to the house over to me and the title to her car and my sons car over to her.. I am so scared I am going to breakj down and cry.. She asked me several times should she stay be3fore she moved out and I said no. Then I though maybe we could work things out she said too late. I am moving out.. The first wek she left I called, begged and pleaded and that pushed her furthr away. Since then I have only spoken to her twice. She asked me to attedn my step-sons game last week and I said no. She wants to separte and she says "as of now" she wanyts a divorce. What doea as of now mean? She may change her mind. I hjave firends who have been my rock and they have told me to focus on me. I dont cal her and OI give her space. I just feel like the more space I give, the more she forgets about me. We had a decent conversation on Saturday. When I se her tomorrow should I just sign the paoers and leaved or should I ask how she feels about the marriage. All of my friends have told me to sign the papers and leave. Be polite and when you get in the car, cry your eyey out.. But dont let her her se you all down in the dumps.. I really messed up. I was verbally abusinve, so was she. But I am learning to work on my isues. The other problem I have is how do I leanr to forgive myself and learn to move on??? Everytime I think about what I coul dhave done, I just cry....

I am so sorry to hear this! We have a forum on divorce and separation, maybe this will help. In the meantime, I welcome you. Have been thru similar stuff and pain is really hard to work thru. But you are worth it, take care!

I totally sympathize with your pain, it's really a hard thing to go through. Are you seeing a therapist? I think your friends are giving you good advice. You seem to be in a bad place right now and you need to become a happy person more than you need to be a married person.

She wants out real bad and trust me I know it stings, but if you try to force her hand you'll make her want the divorce even more.

I have my first appoitment with another therapist tomorrow. The first one I had was an old man who I felt was telling me to move on. Like he had no sympathy.. You are right. I don't bother her anymore. What sucks is we work 10 minutes from each other and I can see her building from where i work. It makes me so sad. I have also realized I need to learn to begin to forgive myself for the pain I have caused and to begin to work on me. I have accepted the fact that6 I caused her to leave. But she had a big art in it too. But I cannot speak for her..

Sounds like you are trying to do the right things for you. And that is good. As time passes the pain will lessen. You do need to forgive yourself. You can't change the past but you can make a better future for yourself. Good luck to you tomorrow. Stay strong if only for a little while.

I agree with gaylegg, the pain will lesson, and you can start new and you need to forgive yourself.

Its so hard to forgive yourself when all I had to do was say dont go. But then again, the problems we had would still be there... I think I an trying to justify why she left... She said I rejected her over and over again. Which I did, biut I got tired of having to do the cooking, cleaning, disciplning, and everything else. But when she felt like I was threatnng my step-son, that swhen she jumped in.. This is my second divorce (possibly). I must be the common denominator.... Ugh!! This sucks!!!!

I have rad on other forums that you need to give people time. So does that mean dont call her and let her call me? If she does not call then I guess I know...

On another forum I read a reference to 180 rules. These rules are meant to give you the appearance of strength and confidence.

Keep in mind though that you're in a situation where there were serious problems, it's not a situation where one of you decided they didn't want to be married anymore. You have some problems to solve about yourself as much as she does.

Critical Readings For Separation and Divorce - LoveShack.org Community Forums

OMG !! I have been doing the total opposite!!!!!! Wow!! No wonder she does not want to see or talk to me.... Thank you so much for this....

Not a problem. Quick caveat though; I used them and my results were that we are on friendly terms, we've talked a lot more than we have in a looooong time, we've cried together, supported each other, understand each other better BUT!!!!! She's still going through with the separation. She's in a bad emotional/psychological state and she needs her space.

The point is that I do believe they help open the doors to communication but problems need to be solved. They didn't really help towards a resolution (at least not for now).

understood. but it makes me realize that all this crying and sittig around blaming me for ALL of our problems is crazy. I know this does not mean I will not cry or feel bad again but it helps me to keep moving forward and working on me....